Being concerned

Maybe she's scared that something will happen to her child/ren abroad!!!
Could you not have one or both at home, maybe even just a night or 2 here and there rather than taking them so far away?
Has anything bad ever happened to your DSD when she's been there with you? There could be anxieties to blame.

Hithere “ Palliative care can last years before the terminal phase arrives”

Wow. Nice comment, not.

Cabbie21

I helped cover childcare for one grandchild during school holidays whilst the younger one was in full time nursery, but after that, the parents wanted them both to come, not just one, so I think that may be the reason.

I agree. It could be perceived as favoritism which can be very destructive in a family, I speak from personal experience.

Ok. So OP has acknowledged that they have probably been a bit more invested in this because they are in palliative care.

Sorry you are going through this OP.

I would not say it is usual for GPs to take GC on holiday without their parents. It happens, sure, but its not the case i would say for the majority of families.

I won't repeat what many have already said though i agree with pretty much all of it. I do think tone could be kinder to OP in places though.

Some things you may not have considered:

1) your stepdaughters biological mother didnt seem to care too much where her daughter was. Perhaps that hurt her very much and she is determined to demonstrate to her kids that she very much wants them with her

2) perhaps she is trying to limit her childs pain when you inevitably pass away. I think you said yourself you may not have many more summers?

3) perhaps her child came back from the previous trip confused about house rules or pushing back on boundaries because 'well granny would have let me'. She has a 2yo, perhaps she doesn't need the extra stress of her older child acting out right now.

4) you seem to be better off than your stepdaughter, that's lovely, but perhaps she doesn't want her kids growing up with the privilege of international vacations and holiday homes?

I'm sorry but when someone says no you have to hear it.

Lots of children are at home for the 6 weeks holiday. My gc included. It doesn't do them any harm and you see them often by the sound if it. Its up to the parents. I woukdnt even ask as it woukd be no.
Sounds like you have a good relationship, Hope you enjoy them fir years to come.

StormySunshine

icanhandthemback

I'm not sure how exactly your mother coloured your DD view of you but rest assured I have never said or implied anything negative about my DSD to the kids! When he has sometimes suggested that "mum and dad don't need to know" I have always explained that this is like lying and it's not on. Or if he complained about something my response has always been "mummy knows best and she loves you"! I've never said anything negative even about my DSD mum in front of my DSD when she pretty much kicked her out at 14 because she didn't believe that she was abused! I just hope that none of you ever find to yourselves in my situation with a DGS crying on facetime and asking why he can't visit you and you have to very gently and diplomatically explain something that you don't understand yourself...

I could give you chapter and verse which would be boring for all but trust me, it happened. I started my post with the word "Maybe" because obviously I have no idea about your situation with your DGD.
I have indeed been at the end of a phone call with my grandaughter crying that she is not allowed to come to me because her Mum says she can't. I may not be entirely happy with the situation but I have to accept that it is her child, her choice. It is my right to have a different opinion but I have no right to try to change my daughter's. As you say, you have to be diplomatic.
If you were my stepmother and knew of your medical situation, I might consider letting my child visit for a short time but the building of the relationship between the children whilst the little one is still small might be equally important.

To have

Looks like you feel that you would like to gave the treatment and deference your MIL got.

By the looks of it in your posts, it is not happening - it is up to you to accept what they are willing to give you and adjust your expectations

The rarity of this board to all agree on the same feedback only happens in a handful of threads

This is one of them

BlueBelle

Not sure it's that unusual - myself and my 4 cousins felt and did the same long time ago with our DGD? But yes, all 6 GC (with 15years between some of them) loved my MiL to bits. They were always given the opportunity to spend as much time with her as they wanted, with or without parents, same with other GP. She was often invited to stay for days/weeks with us also. We have always felt that time spend with loving GPs is special and limited, so they can make the best if it. Guess times and views change and mine are quite outdated now...

Your step daughter and cousins were very unusual to want to spend their days just sitting with an elderly gran most children how ever lovely are quite selfish and would expect to be out playing and so they should be to be honest not sitting with an elderly frail old lady for anything more than half an hour
I m really sorry to hear your are so ill stormysunshine and perhaps that’s even more why your step daughter doesn’t want a young child abroad with you in case you get taken ill whilst away

I m sure your grandson won’t miss out on his lovely summer hols with his mum and dad and little brother

Stop defending what you want to do, Stormy. The parents have said no. Now stop dwelling on it.

It's that simple.

I think if two forums are telling you you are in fact being unreasonable, it's probably time to take a step back.

These relationships clearly do matter to you, so try to listen as people are trying to help you avoid future issues and family strife

OP

Those gc who wanted to spend time with mil are not your gc

These gc do not have to repear the actions of past generations in similar circumstances- that's a huge difference

Palliative care can last years before the terminal phase arrives

geekesse
I see we have very different views and experiences. When my MiL got very ill all DGC including my DSD wanted to spend more, not less time with her. They knew that Granny couldn't do all she and they wanted but were happy to just sit, read, play cards and games, watch TV with her for as long as possible and wanted to visit all the time. If anything, we were worried that it might be too much but they all insisted. Your other comment about being ancient - they have Great GPs, so they know the difference. I am in palliative care but apart from needing sleep a couple of hours in the afternoon and not being able to walk for hours, I'm perfectly able to do activities with them.

icanhandthemback

I'm not sure how exactly your mother coloured your DD view of you but rest assured I have never said or implied anything negative about my DSD to the kids! When he has sometimes suggested that "mum and dad don't need to know" I have always explained that this is like lying and it's not on. Or if he complained about something my response has always been "mummy knows best and she loves you"! I've never said anything negative even about my DSD mum in front of my DSD when she pretty much kicked her out at 14 because she didn't believe that she was abused! I just hope that none of you ever find to yourselves in my situation with a DGS crying on facetime and asking why he can't visit you and you have to very gently and diplomatically explain something that you don't understand yourself...

Maybe your DSD moving in with you at 14 makes her realise how easily children can be swayed when she is listening to her son ask when he is coming to see you on his own. I was incredibly naive about letting my daughter have free access to my mother. I am all about my children being happy so it never occurred to me to refuse. However, in the long run, it coloured my daughter's view of me (merrily helped on by my mother) and caused a lot of friction. Her younger brothers felt the difference being left at home which didn't help endear their sister to them.
You are assuming that being at home with Mum will be the same old, same old every day but you have no way of knowing that. Children learning to occupy themselves is a very valuable lesson, as is being entertainment for younger children.
Obviously you are disappointed because you would have liked this to happen but at least they have said he can come to you when you are back in England.

OP

You also are judgemental how his parents choose to spend their time and the kids' time.

StormySunshine, you might think 48 is not ‘ageing’. To a seven year old with young parents, it’s positively ancient.

Yes, my kids would have flatly refused holidays with grandparents, one set of whom were abroad. It was a struggle to persuade them to spend more than an afternoon out with the paternal set. Maternal GM was seriously ill and they found it really stressful even during a short visit to accommodate her need to take rests, walk slower than them etc. They were well trained to smile broadly and say they were having a fabulous time, but conversations afterwards were more frank

I’m sure some families have a dull time over the summer, but it may be a mistake to assume that this is the case for your family.

It is not up to you, it is up to the parents of the child how he spends his summer vacation

Staying at home is not neccesarily a bad thing, there are many things that he can do.

The wishes of a child are to be taken into account for a decision made by an adult, not the only factor

StormySunshine

Why do you think you know best for someone else's child?

This could easily cause issues between you all

Hithere

I don't really know what "family" means to you but to me, it includes GPs, cousins, etc. If course, immediate family takes priority. But when the father is working 6 days a week and does his hobbies or DIY at the weekend regardless, the mother is spending most of the time at home and the GS is asking every time you speak when he's coming to visit and can he come on his own, I believe I can assume that a week away with us out if 7 will actually be a good thing for him!

Chewbacca

I hope you have a great weekend and thank you for your post!

A kid is not stuck in his summer vacation with his family (mother, father, sibling) - he is spending those 6-7 weeks with them.

Many kids do the same old thing in summer and enjoy it

Its not up to you to rescue him from this perceived boredom you think he is in

Please do not vocalize this to them as a reason to make the trip happen - it may come across as manipulative and guilt trippy

There is nothing in the opening post, nor in subsequent updates, to suggest that StormySunshine has, or would do anything of the sort. A rather unpleasant and insensitive post in the circumstances.