Gransnet forums

AIBU

Texting etiquette.

(50 Posts)
AGAA4 Mon 12-Sept-22 11:23:20

I turn my phone off at night but the landline is still available for emergencies.

JackyB Mon 12-Sept-22 11:18:26

As most posters have said, and I agree, the while point of texting is to impart information or ask a question without disturbing the other person by phoning them at a possibly inconvenient time. A text is to be read, not heard, and not necessarily in "real time".

I have my phone on silent at all times. Would never dream of using ringtones or sound alerts for messages, although there are some great things out there.

Mandrake Mon 12-Sept-22 11:14:35

Way back when I first started texting, I texted someone at 10.30pm expecting they would ignore it and deal with it in their own time, like the next day. It turned out it had disturbed them so I never sent a text at a time I wouldn't also consider it polite to ring them.

LtEve Mon 12-Sept-22 10:26:11

Put your phone on silent? Or set it so that only notified for family members. Wouldn’t dream of not having my phone on silent at night. Family know that if they need to get hold of me urgently at night then they phone the landline. No one else has the number for that.

Redhead56 Mon 12-Sept-22 10:22:13

Volume off after 10pm unless it’s New Year.

Doodledog Mon 12-Sept-22 10:22:08

To me, the beauty of texts, emails and WhatsApp is that you can send them when it's convenient to you, in the knowledge that the recipient will read and reply when it is convenient to them - far less intrusive than a phone call that has to happen 'in real time', usually when it suits the person calling. As others have said, it's easy to set the phone so that only messages from named people get through after hours - I think most people assume that others will have activated that setting.

annodomini Mon 12-Sept-22 10:17:11

One Christmas I was awoken at 3am by my GD showing me a picture of herself with a large fish she'd just caught on her holiday somewhere exotic. Since then, I have taken measures to silence my phone overnight.

Oldwoman70 Mon 12-Sept-22 10:13:44

Easy fix - switch off your phone at night, it is what I do!

Baggs Mon 12-Sept-22 10:05:17

I get that, ican. Basically you are on call at all times for family. It wouldn't work for my family as we are very spread about so immediate helping hands are not available anyway.

Baggs Mon 12-Sept-22 10:02:34

My point being that people can then text or whatsapp you from wherever they are in the world at a time that's convenient for them and you can read the messages at a time that's convenient for you.

icanhandthemback Mon 12-Sept-22 10:02:10

On the iPhone you can automatically turn alerts off during certain times but customise it so if you have a particular group/person you need to hear from then you will. So, for example, I have set mine to family only at night. I receive their calls and alerts because I know if it was that late at night, it would probably be important.
I say "probably" because my youngest child always rings me when they are pickled to tell me what a wonderful time they are having or in bits because they are worried about the energy prices etc. My other children tell me to ignore the phone but if anything got too much for them when they were depressed by alcohol I'd never forgive myself if something awful happened.

Baggs Mon 12-Sept-22 10:00:19

Why don't you turn your phone to silent? I put mine on "Do not disturb" every night and switch that off every morning.

Sometimes there are whatsapp messages to read in the morning.

Only once in my life have I had a telephone call that mattered during the night. It was my parents calling to say my brother, who had visited me the previous day from London, had had a crash and was in a dire state in an Oxford hospital. They wanted directions for the Oxford part of their journey down from Lancashire. I told them to ring again when they arrived and I'd make my way to the hospital. I think one of the ICU nurses rang me actually.

Apart from messages like that, which hopefully are once in a lifetime sort of calls, and can be on a landline (as that one was; didn't even have mobile phones then), why would you leave your mobile 'open to disturbance' overnight?

I guess if you don't have a landline that might make a difference but bad news travels fast so you won't miss out, and good news can wait.

"Oh sleep, it is a gentle thing
Beloved from pole to pole"

Sleep tight ?

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 12-Sept-22 09:52:03

People do admin things when they can. It might be late at night, or in the early hours if they can’t sleep. Turn the alerts off when you go to bed.

Zonne Mon 12-Sept-22 09:49:51

My phone is set so that two immediately consecutive calls from the same number override all my other settings, as a double safeguard for emergencies. I’ve never actually tested it, now I think of it. I shall try it later.

nandad Mon 12-Sept-22 09:49:08

Lemsip is right. For some reason WhatsApp messages between my husband and one of his friends are frequently delayed so they receive them at strange times, by then they have usually phoned each other.

I won’t send texts after 10 o’clock. My phone is kept downstairs so I can’t hear it.

Maggiemaybe Mon 12-Sept-22 09:46:22

Yes, my phone’s set to night mode too. I did nearly come a cropper once, when I was waiting patiently for an early morning call from a physiotherapist, forgetting that she’d be blocked. Fortunately she then rang on my house phone, so I didn’t miss the appointment.

And we don’t talk about the time my DD1 tried to let me know that she’d gone into labour, and I hadn’t set it to allow her calls…. blush

NotSpaghetti Mon 12-Sept-22 09:43:22

I'm another who thinks you should just turn alerts off when you don't want to hear them. No point blaming the people sending them.

For some of us with families overseas in different time zones, most of our contact comes in overnight!

Zonne Mon 12-Sept-22 09:41:52

I’m often texting and group WhatsApping friends and family at midnight. I assume those who don’t want to hear from me have their notifications off/do not disturb on/phone switched to silent by then.

I know I mildly irritate some other friends because my ‘do not disturb’ is on until 9.30am, and they think 8am is a civilised time to contact people.

tanith Mon 12-Sept-22 09:34:56

My phone is set to sleep/silent mode with exceptions allowed from family off at 10pm on at 7am.

baubles Mon 12-Sept-22 09:34:20

Check if your phone has a do not disturb feature.

I’m able to set mine to ‘do not disturb’ for whatever time period I choose. There’s a facility to allow texts/calls from chosen numbers so that I wouldn’t miss an important call from my children.

lemsip Mon 12-Sept-22 09:27:55

I have found that all texts are not instant as I thought. some take ages to come through.

by the way, when I look at my sent texts, the date is 1/1/1970 how do I change it...date on display is current and the receiver date is current. puzzled.

shysal Mon 12-Sept-22 09:27:48

I have a Big Value Bundle for my Vodafone PAYG, which renews once a month. When it is done I receive a text at midnight every time! As my phone is set to repeat notification chimes every few minutes until I have read it, I have to open it. It is SO annoying, as I have usually just dropped off to sleep. I daren't turn my phone off or to silent in case my DD, who suffers from anxiety, needs me.

I wouldn't dream of sending a message after about 9pm.

Urmstongran Mon 12-Sept-22 09:21:23

At night I put my basic Nokia phone on silent. I don’t want any text alerts! I just think “if it’s urgent they’ll ring me”. In a morning I switch it back on again. Simples.

lixy Mon 12-Sept-22 09:15:43

Grrr! I sometimes get messages in the night from my network provider. I guess they are sent by a remote machine.

I wouldn't send or expect to receive a message before 8am or after 9pm unless there was an emergency in the family.

I think the timing dates back to when the BBC news was at 9pm. I used to watch the news and then go to bed.

kircubbin2000 Mon 12-Sept-22 09:09:36

Last night, soon after midnight, I was woken by a loud text alert. Seeing the time I guessed it must be urgent and got up to look at my phone. It was from the organiser of a group I sometimes go to telling me about the date of the autumn term!
What time do people go to bed I wonder. I would never phone or text anyone after 9.00.