Guest has come down with Covid...

He's leaving this afternoon. He only told me last night. We've both tested clear for Covid this morning so that's a relief. I still feel very tired and a bit thick-headed but generally a bit better.

I have a friend who has adult sons, one of whom came back to live with her during Covid, and she doesn't understand why I won't keep him here for another few weeks if that's what he wants. But a son's a son and has grown up with you, you have things in common and you hopefully understand them better than I do this young man. I have moments of thinking he's vulnerable and feeling protective towards him and then other moments when I think he's quite sly.

We went out for a walk through a local village last night and ended up eating in the garden of the pub. They take your card to start with, then run a tab system. We ordered our food and took our drinks outside. Ten minutes later he got up to go to the loo and when he came back he was carrying another pint and also a bowl of whitebait. I assumed he'd bought them himself, but it turned out he'd added them to my tab. It was only £12, nothing major — but the fact he hadn't even asked if it was okay really rankled. I can't believe his parents would allow him to do that.

My partner is back here this morning and I'm glad to have someone else around. He's going to take him to the station. It will be lovely to have the house back to ourselves.

"With what seemed like a cold"? It probably was a cold. Instead of rushing to take a test, why didn't you just give the person warm drinks like honey and lemon and I find home made chicken soups works wonders.

It does sound like he is a bit lost and not knowing how to go about coping on his own. Is there any chance you could contact his sister if she is here already? Maybe she could give him some advice or contact their parents and alert them. Is she older than him? You are very kind Margot.

I asked him whether he's got money or whether we need to speak to his parents about bailing him out and he laughed and said he had savings from when he was working, but... There was a very long pause that I ended by saying 'You don't want to spend it on accommodation and food?' He nodded.

And what did you say then?

If you don't want to make him leave, either get his parents to tell him or get used to the idea he'll still be with you at Christmas. ☃️

I think he's suffering from culture shock. He's talked about finding London too big and busy. But London is the place he's most likely to find work in his chosen area.

He probably is homesick. He's had four fabulous months travelling around Europe with a group of other young people. Now reality is biting and he's going to have to go through the hostel/ crap job stage before he makes friends, settles down and finds something better.

I wouldn't be at all surprised to discover in a fortnight's time that he's booked a flight home.

Omg. I agree with V3ra . If he has no motivation to live and work here, which he clearly hasn't, he should get back home asap.
He actually sounds homesick.

I am a NZer and have always particularly welcomed any Kiwis who have entered my Sphere. If my kids mentioned someone at school for example, I would invite them round and we have friends still from those days. However I met this one miserable family who hated the UK and grumbled all the time from weather to shops and everything in between.
I stopped inviting them and realised not all Kiwis were wonderful.

So even though you have made it clear, kindly, but clear that he needs to move on. And he has the means to move on, he’s just too tight. He STILL failed to follow through on making arrangements?

Throw him out. He is now treating you like a mug. You have been so kind but he’s just trying to rinse you for everything he can get. He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing with his puppy eyes.

Oh my, I just read this thread. What a dilemma!

At least he is being honest with you at this point, but I think I would contact his family. He doesn't seem to be able to cope as an adult. You have done more than enough, and have been very kind.

Really, really feeling for you. I so hope he gets a live in position and moves on as it’s a responsibility now that you don’t need. Kindness and support is one thing but a line does need drawing.

I've been following this seemingly never-ending saga with an increasing sense of disbelief... ?

That aside, I recommend you sit him down at your laptop, talk him through buying a one way ticket home with his savings, then take him to the airport, make sure he checks in and his luggage goes through, point him towards security and wave him goodbye.

He's not your responsibility.

Oh dear. Given your latest update, I wondered if he really does have Covid, but since you have it it seems he probably does.
I hope he doesn’t want to move into the camper van.
Perhaps he should go home as he seems to have no motivation/drive. The fares will get very expensive closer to Christmas.
Some big hotel chains provide accommodation. I’m going to pm you.

You're not having much luck, lately, MargotLedbetter, are you, with one thing and another

Yes, he's in the camper van — though probably not roughing it too badly. He did think about going to stay with his sister who lives about an hour away but didn't want to risk passing it on to her.

I'm feeling such a fool for imagining that he might really have wanted to come and stay here to see us and our part of the world.

So at least I know now what's going on and where I stand.

And where does your partner stand? Still roughing it in the campervan?

What did you say then?

His parents should be told, I'd say, rather than let him sponge off you indefinitely.

Elrel

It doesn’t have to be London perhaps. Maybe he can find some work with accommodation somewhere smaller, even in the countryside. It’s a bad time of year for seasonal work. Independence doesn’t seem to be a priority for him. Very difficult for you and your partner.
I first realised in the 1980s that a lot of young people who claimed to be looking for A job weren’t. They were only looking for THE job with nothing boring or menial and everyone being nice to them. Life just isn’t like that.

Elrel I think the mantra was "You can be whatever you want to be"

Many children, when interviewed, wanted to be a pop star or a footballer no matter that they couldn't sing or weren't that talented at football.

I must say that my DC and friends' DC did all kinds of jobs when they went backpacking.
However, the one criterion was that they worked hard.
No-one wants to employer a slacker.

Another conversation just now. I made tea and got the biscuits out and asked if there was something going on that perhaps I needed to know about. Turns out he hasn't booked a train ticket for tomorrow and apparently the hostel reservation which he showed me yesterday has been withdrawn because he didn't pay his deposit in the time allowed. So it looks as if he's not going tomorrow.

I asked him whether he's got money or whether we need to speak to his parents about bailing him out and he laughed and said he had savings from when he was working, but... There was a very long pause that I ended by saying 'You don't want to spend it on accommodation and food?' He nodded.

So at least I know now what's going on and where I stand.

It doesn’t have to be London perhaps. Maybe he can find some work with accommodation somewhere smaller, even in the countryside. It’s a bad time of year for seasonal work. Independence doesn’t seem to be a priority for him. Very difficult for you and your partner.
I first realised in the 1980s that a lot of young people who claimed to be looking for A job weren’t. They were only looking for THE job with nothing boring or menial and everyone being nice to them. Life just isn’t like that.

I don't know. He seems quite calm and not visibly anxious. He was having a nice chat with his mum and dad — but then I was surprised to find he's been What's Apping them a couple of times a day... I'm of the generation where you went travelling and didn't contact your parents for weeks. Isn't that part of the point of travelling, that you learn to be independent?

It's as if he'd never really thought about the bit where he arrives in the UK and starts looking for work.

Maybe you should tell his parents exactly the situation. His reaction about the sweater makes me wonder whether he is vulnerable. It sounds like a young child, hardly normal for a teen, let alone an adult. He doesn’t seem able to make decisions and asking whether you knew anyone in London who would put him up sounds desperate. Are you sure he’s not having an MH crisis?

Yes, that's the kind of thing I'm thinking about. He won't earn much, but it'll buy him time to land something better. He's worked for a couple of years in NZ in his chosen line of work so he has a decent CV. I'm guessing he'll just have two or three months doing something he's not wild about before he gets the break he needs.

I'm wondering about contacting his parents but I'm a bit nervous that they'll feel I've let him down by not allowing him to stay indefinitely. But letting him stay indefinitely wouldn't be doing him any favours. He's got to get some friends and get his life here launched, not sit around on my sofa.

Oh dear. If he was 18 it might be more understandable but I think you said he's 23.

What he needs is a job with accommodation somewhere where there are other young people. Hotel work? The hospitality industry is desperate for staff.

This morning we've managed a heart-to-heart after I heard him talking to his parents on the phone and saying he didn't know what to do and whether he should try to get work in London (he has a working visa).

Apparently he's been travelling all summer with two girls who have family in London, and they seem to have been offered long-term accommodation there by their families. He slept on a sofa at one of the houses for a week before he was asked to move on by the homeowners. So he came here, apparently thinking that he might be able to stay long-term with us — even though we'd agreed a week before he arrived.

I've pointed out that his chances of getting the kind of work he says he's looking for (no evidence of him actually making job applications) is zero where we live, and anyway he'd need his own transport. I've told him that there's a shortage of workers in London at the moment, so he should be able to get something to tide him over while he looks for a job in the field he trained in. I've told him he needs to be with other young people like himself: that that's the only way he can make a friendship circle and get the best out of London. He just looks at me like a big sad puppy. He asked me if there was anyone I knew in London who'd put him up for a month or two. I really wouldn't want to get anyone I call a friend involved in this.

I think Covid is really making my head and thinking a bit off. I mean surely even in New Zealand no one would expect to just come and stay with you for two months? He seems very lost. I don't know what to say or do. You just have to pull yourself together and move on, surely?

Yes tomorrow will come Margot and someone else can mother him.
You need mothering yourself.
In years to come you'll be able to dine out on this story. The guest from hell.
I hope he isn't disappearing with DP best sweater.

It’s absolutely normal, most are attached to their phones, they even photograph themselves on the phone as well as what they eat. It will soon pass, keep calm and carry on.