Guest has come down with Covid...

I've messaged him with those links. Thank you. I would have hoped that having bummed around for four months with other young people he's already have been aware of them, but I do wonder if he's one of those 'head in the clouds' types. He's the youngest child and used to everyone picking him up when he falls over.

Other friends with sons his age tell me I was his substitute mum while he was here and so he expected me to just look after him, particularly because he was unwell. In his head he had this idea that I was here to provide what he needed and who wouldn't mind him buying whitebait on my tab. He didn't see me as an adult with my own agenda, my own work and life.

I can't quite get my head around it. I stayed with various relatives for a couple of days here occasionally as a child and occasionally in my teens too and I was always dispatched by my mum with the words 'Don't be a nuisance, don't put them out, eat what you're given and say thank you, offer to wash up and if you see something you can do to help, volunteer.' This doesn't seem to have happened with my visitor. No wonder we struggled.

BTW Margot I am not suggesting that you should join, it is for your guest who had already overstayed his welcome.

Young people travel around now in a way we never did. It is very casual but the girl who is staying with me (gratis) is leaving today to stay with a "friend" in Glasgow.
It used to be couch surfing but now that organisation has gone corporate you have to pay for membership, there is another platform called Trust roots and yet another called Be Welcome where accommodation is offered free.
www.trustroots.org
www.bewelcome.org

She and the boy who was sick, have now painted my kitchen ceiling so I am grateful to them both. She cooked us a meal last night and tidied up nicely.

Just got caught up; thank goodness he has gone! And good for you for saying no to any further stay for him. Honestly, he needs to start acting like an adult, and his parents trying to arrange his life will be no help to him.

Adding on to the tab just shows his selfishness; both he and his parents most likely have no idea why people aren't welcoming him with open arms.

Personally I would not email him or make any contact as I think he would see that as you being prepared to help him out. He seems to have enough nerve to just turn up on your doorstep and guilt you into taking him in again.

By all means answer him if he contacts you but you do need to make it very clear he has to stand on his own two feet. I find it incredible that he will not pay for accommodation. That is part of travelling.

Time he realised he is a man not a child and with that comes responsibilities.

I third the suggestion of an email.

Don't be guilted into the parent's emotional blackmail. If they are concerned about him then they need to send him money either to go back to NZ or to subsidise him while he lives in UK. He is their responsibility and if he is becoming depressed then he needs to be back with people who care, his family not you. Obviously he misses your home cooked meals, full fridge and laundry service all gratis. Who wouldn't? His London and Newcastle "friends" don't supply this so naturally he wants to be back in your warm and cosy nest. The suggestion to send an e-mail to him, copied to his parents outlining in no uncertain terms he can't come back to your home and the UK is not really the place for him with the recession, high rents and Winter all happening etc. is really good. Not being direct will just make him and his parents keep contacting you.

I just assume his parents love him to bits and can't imagine that having him hanging round the house all day while my partner and I try to work and follow our usual social round could be at all difficult. After all, he spent the first 18 years of his life living with them.

His parents have a cheek! No wonder he has the attitude he does ?

His CV will look much better with some recent work on it, of whatever sort, while he looks for a "proper" job.

Keep your resolve and do not have him back!

Definitely stick to your guns! Don't even invite him for 1 night or you'll never get rid of him. He needs to learn to stand on his own feet - either take a "menial" job or go home. Can you e-mail him with some written advice, with a copy to his parents? You had conversations with him before but if it's in writing he might pay more attention. Spell out again the situation in UK, which is likely to get worse in coming months.

His parents probably don't realise how annoying he was.
He needs to take responsibility for himself.
Well done for saying No.

Well done for saying no. If you'd said yes, I expect you would have been lumbered with him for a long time and feeding him etc too. It's a bit cheeky of his parents to ask even if their concerned about him

Yes, I've suggested that being here over the winter with no money and no work as we head into recession and power cuts will do him no good at all. He needs to fly home, have a lovely spring and summer with his parents and apply for work remotely. It's unfair to ask someone else to take responsibility for him.

Glad you said no.

Sounds like it’s time he headed back home to Mum and Dad, but TBH, they don’t sound keen to have him either!

He went to London to try and link up with some friends there, but apparently that didn't work out (he had to pay for accommodation) so he then went to Newcastle where he had a contact who agreed to have him stay for a few days. Yesterday I had an email from his parents wondering whether I'd have him back again until such time as he finds a job. The implication is that he's mildly depressed and is running out of money. I've said no, we have too much on and because we've downsized to a smaller house and as I am still working from home, it's really not convenient to have him around all the time.

He's looking for work in quite a narrow sector where my guess is that it's quite difficult to get work without knowing people. This is the only work he'll consider. He won't do hospitality work or manual work while he waits for something to come up. He's had a good job in this field in New Zealand, so he has a reasonable CV, and he seemed to think that he'd be able to walk into something here. NZ has quite a small talent pool, but the same can't be said here.

I have recently had covid though I don't think he caught it from me because I had been testing negative for several days before he arrived.
He's mostly in his room, coming out for meals and feeling a bit better after 4 days but still testing positive.
What became of your guest?

Grammaretto

Oh dear guess what. My helper has come down with covid now.

No! How are you going to manage the situation?

I am only now beginning to feel as if I might be back to normal so I hope you don't catch it too.

MargotLedbetter

ElaineI

It does sound like he is a bit lost and not knowing how to go about coping on his own. Is there any chance you could contact his sister if she is here already? Maybe she could give him some advice or contact their parents and alert them. Is she older than him? You are very kind Margot.

He doesn't have a sister over here. If he'd talk to me about what he's feeling we might have found it easier. He's in daily contact with his parents.

Sorry Margot, I thought you mentioned he had a sister an hour away.
Glad he has got himself together and moved on and nice he left a gift.
You will be glad to have your house back to normal again and well done for looking after him.

Oh dear guess what. My helper has come down with covid now.

What a relief! Has he gone yet?
I think he is a very mean spirited young man.
My German Helper arrived yesterday and due to your experience I was quite nervous
But he is really nice. He has spent the morning putting up a cup rack and putting new knobs on my kitchen cupboards - both jobs which have hung around waiting for months.
He also sorted out my tool cupboard, sorting and labelling all the bits and pieces.

This is a website www.helpx.net
I highly recommend it for young people who want to travel cheaply but want to help in return

I don't know what to think. He's from the kind of family where his mum and dad really wouldn't allow that kind of behaviour and so it doesn't make sense. My partner says we started out being too generous with him and so he's assumed we're rolling in it.

I don't think I've ever met a person I've had such difficulty understanding or communicating with. There's something quite childlike and naive about him.

He left a rather sweet thank-you note and a box of chocs he must have bought at some point when we were out and about last week.

I agree with notgran.

(If he doesn't go, maybe your friend would take him in. )

Good riddance. I'm sorry but I think he was quite a nasty piece of work and totally exploited you. I hope that is the end of the saga. You are a very kind and generous person but possibly in future be a bit more cynical.

I assumed he'd bought them himself, but it turned out he'd added them to my tab. It was only £12, nothing major

No way would I expect anyone to add anything to my tab without asking. This man has continually overstepped the mark imo.

I hope he does leave this afternoon and not continue to abuse your good nature.

ElaineI

It does sound like he is a bit lost and not knowing how to go about coping on his own. Is there any chance you could contact his sister if she is here already? Maybe she could give him some advice or contact their parents and alert them. Is she older than him? You are very kind Margot.

He doesn't have a sister over here. If he'd talk to me about what he's feeling we might have found it easier. He's in daily contact with his parents.