AIBU our 2 year old grandson has never had a home visit.

One thing for sure is that there is no certainty when it comes to ante or post natal care
I have heard dreadful horror stories all my life
I still feel incredibly lucky that all mine survived.
This latest inquiry into Maternity care in Kent is grim listening.
Ofcourse it will all be improved now until the next time

You are not being unreasonable at all.
I was horrified that DiL had to go to the clinic for a 3 day check, and then again for a 10 day one, no home visits at all from midwives.

HV did visit at home when GD was 3 months or so.

It's all a far cry from the weekly weigh-in and a group chat I experienced with my children.
I too worry about the families who really could do with support but will slip through the huge holes in the net.

Willsnan

My DD’s Health Visiting ‘service’ was provided by Virgin Care they were useless, fortunately there were no problems with either of her babies, but her mental health was very poor, and I wonder if she’d had a decent HV if the breakdown she went on to have could have been avoided.

I doubt it....but maybe they could have referred on... but the gp could have done that or she could have self referred or her partner could have contacted the crisis team if needed....lots of options

I had excellent care when I had my babies in the 80s - prenatal, including the free antenatal classes, then several days in an excellent maternity ward each time with help on hand with feeding and bathing for first-timers, morning exercise classes, afternoon naps and bottles of stout of an evening. Babies wheeled into the nursery overnight and brought to us for feeding if we were breastfeeding. A full schedule of midwife and HV visits and baby clinic appointments afterwards.

My eldest had her first baby, early, by C section, in April 2020, and it’s just a good job she had a great partner once she got home, because she didn’t get a single visit from a midwife or HV. She had to assess whether her surgery wound had healed, do the test for clicky hips, chart the baby’s weight by using the kitchen scales because he had health problems (3 dashes to A & E in the first few weeks), etc, etc. The total withdrawal of professional support when relatives and friends of new parents couldn’t even visit, let alone help out, was something she could cope with, but chilling if we think about the vulnerable mums out there who had no support at all, and the at risk babies who just weren’t being seen.

And it wasn’t all Covid related. Any threads on Mumsnet about maternity services right now read like experiences from another world, one I certainly wouldn’t want to be part of. I actually feel guilty that I had such good care and theirs is so lacking.

icanhandthemback

My DD’s Health Visiting ‘service’ was provided by Virgin Care they were useless, fortunately there were no problems with either of her babies, but her mental health was very poor, and I wonder if she’d had a decent HV if the breakdown she went on to have could have been avoided.

I agree. When mine were born, all in their 30s now, I stayed in hospital until day 5 with the first, day 2 with the second and home in the evening after having the third.

twiglet77, I was similarly bless with a longer stay where they helped me with breast feeding, showed me how to bath the baby, etc. My daughter was induced, had her baby late at night and was kept in because her temperature shot up. The next morning they discovered she had an infection for which they ordered antibiotics and was finding it difficult to get the baby to latch on to the breast. The Consultant came round, told her off for still being in hospital told the staff to get her a bottle and sent her home. We were flabbergasted. Failing at breastfeeding was something that made her feel very guilty and didn't help at all.

Grammaretto, thank you.

I agree. When mine were born, all in their 30s now, I stayed in hospital until day 5 with the first, day 2 with the second and home in the evening after having the third. The community midwife visited at home every day for 10 days with each one.

My daughter has just had her second, she was home a few hours after giving birth, and the midwife comes out to do a 5 day and (I think) a 10 day check. There doesn’t seem any particular requirement to get the baby weighed at clinic each week. I suppose new mothers turn to the internet for advice now, rather than asking the midwife, and seek medical attention if they really feel it’s necessary.

I am glad your DD recovered despite the lack of help at the time. Good wishes to her for the future..

Grammaretto, it was the most horrendous time and a complete surprise to me. My DD was told she had PCOS and getting pregnant was almost impossible. She and her partner had only been together a few months when she accidentally fell pregnant and he was much younger than her so still a boy. She was so thrilled to be pregnant and had been absolutely wonderful with all her friend's and her sister's baby so it was a big shock when she didn't bond with her own baby. Thank goodness she has a much better bond with her second born. It has been delightful to see.

Such a lot of missed opportunities I canhandthemback
That first experience for me was awful but years later, in Scotland, I had the best possible care but by then I didn't need help.
My DiL was being given feeding advice from an American manual where formula was the norm and baby's weight gain was being compared to this chart which bore no relation to a British breastfed child.
It made me so cross I overstepped the mark and interfered. I have since been forgiven and DGD is 16yrs old, still small but just right for her.

LOUISA1523, we were there supporting but I couldn't get my SIL to speak to the HV as, although he was worried, he didn't want to betray my daughter's trust. My daughter also had a raft of medical problems because she became disabled after her pregnancy, losing her job as her company went bust, and that played a huge part of her PND. Every visit I attended with my daughter, it was a different HV and they said they would pass it on but nobody ever followed up. At the same time I was dealing with Adult Social Services for her, dealing with the Benefits System which took a year for them to sort out and then only after I had involved her MP. My daughter and I had a complicated relationship (we have subsequently discovered she has a genetic condition which in part causes anxiety and BPD) so I was stepping carefully too as I felt that if she estranged me, I couldn't help my grandaughter either. All of this was known by the GP, known to the SS and should have been known to the services which come to pregnancy and birth as my daughter had received much counselling as a child, had been seen by the Community Psychiatric Nurse, referred for MHS but rejected and so bore all the red flags.
I am not putting all the onus on the Midwives or the HV' but their voice might have helped get help earlier and would have had far more weight than mine to my daughter and the other professionals.

That's such a shame there is so little support these days.
It was very hit and miss 50yrs ago too.
DH phoned after 10 days to see if we should have a HV but we'd been left off the list.
When the HV came she told me to throw my baby books (Dr Spock etc) in the bin and that my breastfed baby was screaming with hunger. the had tummy ache
She then mixed up a bottle feed with a lot of huffing and sterilising, while baby screamed. We fed him with a teaspoon as had no bottle. He stopped crying and HV left looking smug.
As soon as she was out the door baby vomited up the lot.

Nanagem

My DIL hand her beautiful daughter on Thursday morning, discharged Thursday pm ( it’s her third so not a new mum ), but I spoke to her this morning ( Sunday ) and shes concerned the baby looks jaundice, me in my ignorance advised her to discuss it with the midwife at her visit ?. Apparently she had one visit on Friday morning and she doesn’t know if or when she will get another, she tried to call the number she was given and got an answer phone ! Still awaiting call back

She will get a visit on day 5 ( to complete newborn blood spot testing) ....you also have your GP if needed

icanhandthemback

I have been appalled at the HV services in our area ever since my Grandaughter was born 11 years ago. My HV visited me 21 years ago to see where we lived and to get to know me. She was the constant in my son's journey up until he went to school and was the person who helped me get medical attention, see the nutritionist for him, etc. When my older son had problems, she kindly arranged for him to see a therapist who was a friend of hers to get over his school phobia.
In contrast, the HV didn't visit my daughter and never saw the same one twice at the baby clinic nor had she seen the same midwife twice throughout her pregnancy. Thus her PND was missed, her worries about her baby's size dismissed until I went down and was assertive about the need to see a paediatrician. A decent HV would have seen the the bond between mother and baby was sorely lacking so intervention could have been made much earlier. As it was, it took 6 years before the midwife for her second pregnancy who she saw regularly realised what was going on and set in motion the help she needed. Young parents need someone outside the family who they can discuss problems with and also someone who can identify problems.

So where was the family when your DD had PND?????..... surely family or friends picked up on signs and symptoms and encouraged your DD to get support.....its hardly the HV fault that PND was 'missed'

I have been appalled at the HV services in our area ever since my Grandaughter was born 11 years ago. My HV visited me 21 years ago to see where we lived and to get to know me. She was the constant in my son's journey up until he went to school and was the person who helped me get medical attention, see the nutritionist for him, etc. When my older son had problems, she kindly arranged for him to see a therapist who was a friend of hers to get over his school phobia.
In contrast, the HV didn't visit my daughter and never saw the same one twice at the baby clinic nor had she seen the same midwife twice throughout her pregnancy. Thus her PND was missed, her worries about her baby's size dismissed until I went down and was assertive about the need to see a paediatrician. A decent HV would have seen the the bond between mother and baby was sorely lacking so intervention could have been made much earlier. As it was, it took 6 years before the midwife for her second pregnancy who she saw regularly realised what was going on and set in motion the help she needed. Young parents need someone outside the family who they can discuss problems with and also someone who can identify problems.

There's nothing new in this. 47 years ago, I brought my 2-year-old son home from hospital with a colostomy, expecting to hear from my GP and/or a health visitor. No such luck. The nurses in the children's hospital had taught me well on managing the colostomy, but I'd have liked the reassurance of a visit. Luckily, the colostomy was only temporary.

I can also still remember my Health Visitor's name from over 40 years ago.The same lady for all three children. She was brilliant when I had problems feeding two of my children.

I totally agree that new babies need to be seen by Health Visitors. It’s a long time ago but I was in a bad way after the birth of my first child. I had no family support, lived in a second floor flat and had just had surgery for an unrelated illness. My Health visitor was a godsend. Her kindness and advice was invaluable. My daughter is now 43 but I still remember that Health visitor’s name.

My DIL hand her beautiful daughter on Thursday morning, discharged Thursday pm ( it’s her third so not a new mum ), but I spoke to her this morning ( Sunday ) and shes concerned the baby looks jaundice, me in my ignorance advised her to discuss it with the midwife at her visit ?. Apparently she had one visit on Friday morning and she doesn’t know if or when she will get another, she tried to call the number she was given and got an answer phone ! Still awaiting call back

No home visits but DD2 has had to fill in forms for DGS2 progress and identify issues herself. He was seen face to face for his 3 ½ year check. He is 4 now. HV's do take phone calls. Fortunately he is thriving apart from poos on the toilet but there is a lot of help online. DD2 is a CAMHS nurse so is used to the forms and also triggers for concern which she has identified correctly in friend's children and got them help.

Yes is this area dependent, the health visitors in my area do home visits.

Outside of covid, HVs usually visit the home when the baby is approx two weeks old, then again between 6-8 weeks. After that it’s rare to have a home visit unless there are concerns. Baby clinics still exist in our area and you can go every week if you want.

I agree Farzanah, it should be a universal service. In the 80’s , multi agency working was seen as the right way forward. In our social work team, we worked closely with the health visitors and midwives. If the were concerned we knew we should be

As a retired HV I think it’s disgraceful the level (or lack of) of service offered. I knew all the parents on my caseload very well and offered extra support during the early weeks and subsequently, and they knew me well enough to contact me if they had a query or concern.
Of course you can’t assess risk without knowing a family, nor can you offer support. It’s stigmatising anyway to just visit “at risk” families. It should be a universal service available to all, as it once was.

Germanshepherdsmum

I didn’t have home visits, except by the midwife to check my progress after a C section. My son was only seen at the baby clinic at the GP’s surgery. This was mid 80s.

The HV called when we first moved here; DD was three and I think it was a checkup call. When I asked for advice with a couple of problems she didn't know.