Holidays with in laws -need to say no

Just say NO. We all have a right to say NO. No explanations necessary.

Just say no! You have done more than enough and are perfectly entitled to say you want to do something just as a couple at Christmas/for holidays…if they don’t like it too bad, and if hubby won’t back you up then go away on your own for Christmas and on holiday

Ps she has a million friends and relatives locally and all DH siblings etc too so not abandoning mil

You have been beyond patient had similar few years back expectations of staying / going on holiday etc (mil) I agreed to a weekend at Wsrners nothing for me to do .( I went round yesterday spent 3 hours sorting her tv Internet and phone out ) and dodged Christmas saying we were going away ( we aren't lol )

My sister got terribly offended when I decided our two families wouldn’t be going away together (as I felt I never got a rest). But she did get over it, perhaps she enjoyed the holiday without us more than she expected!

My sons do not expect and never have expected me to share their holidays. I has occurred to me to wonder if I'd like to do so but probably not.

On the face of it your son and you have been permitting the older couple to be irresponsible and selfish.

I'd tell the older couple it's high time they looked after themselves. However your problem is educating their son about this matter. I am afraid you will have to try to explain this to your husband whose family culture includes infantilising his elderly relations.

Good advice Monica and all..

Take care of You now x

How has your husband responded to you saying that you are done, Gwiz5? Is he onside?

Life is far too short. Just stop all of this nonsense now. Book other things. Stop. Husband needs to be the spokesman.

Just say 'NO!'. Tell they straight away they can't stay with you as you are going to have a very quiet one this year and no-one can stay or visit. Just smile and laugh off protestations. Warn husband in advance to make a stand strongly for this.

I personally would not stay in a hotel for a weekend if that is how they carry on. They will expect you to unpack and pack for them- I can think of many ways you will be treated as an unpaid skivvy.

As others have said, if your DH wanted to join them next year, fine- you can spend a peaceful time in your own home if you do not want to go away anywhere.

10 days is far too long. If they are upset when your husband tells them no more holidays, suggest a weekend in a hotel together instead. Then it will be short, they may bicker less because other people will be around, and you wont have to do any jobs. You are an absolute saint putting up with that horror more than once.

Ohhhhh heck !!!! Eeeeeek.
If youve all been away so many times then they feel relaxed enough to be bickering and guzzling the booze thinking everyone is ok with it.

Hmmmmm it seems your patience has indeed run dry and in my view this us not fair on you..... someone suggested about going away togethet but saying in separate accommodation... would that work ?

I would certainly do something about it before words are said that can't be taken back because by them already suggesting next years holiday, its obvious they are quite happy to continue in the manner they are doing.

Much as I love mine, I've always maintained that staying with relatives - or having them to stay with you, is not a holiday.
IMO, a real (grown-up) holiday is you going where you want to go, with whom you choose, and doing just what you want to do when you're there. I think what Gwiz5 describes here, is what I would call a"family" visit; and this one sounds like the relatives from hell. I agree fully with the GNs here, who have various suggestions for ways that Gwiz can change what happens this year. My advice is to say NO (with whatever reasons/explanations that you like) and go your own away!

Judge Judy on tv
misquotes Benjamin Franklin (who quotes John Lyly who quotes some Greek guy!)
guests are like fish, after three days they should be thrown out.

Although I have had friends to stay happily for longer.
Some family members, not so much.

10 days doesn't sound much of a holiday! A definite no - and if your hubby insists on it, go on a solo holiday, while he goes!

Although I speak as someone whose in laws had passed away before I was married - so no real experience!

We holidayed with my parents and in-laws (sometimes together!) and with DS and DiL. No problems. We sometimes went off to do different things rather than sticking otgether all the time and often took it in turns to cook the main meal.

However, we didn't do it every year and it wasn't our only break.

My children are very grown and it’s just us adults. I have a drink or two but it’s always curtailed because I don’t like to get drunk. It’s not happening again. I have made that clear !

Some sound advice on here. If they want to meet up and you can afford it, go somewhere all-inclusive for a much shorter time, or at least somewhere where you can’t do the cooking and running round after them. Somewhere where you can retire to your own room when the bickering starts and drinks are expensive. Obviously each couple paying their own way.
For now, as Oopsadaisy1 said
If you are on day 10 and are unwell Go To Bed and stay there, if your DH is so keen on being with them, let him sort them out.
Get well soon!

Like many of us on here, I am a MIL. I have had a few holidays with family, but now that I am on my own I feel very strongly that I do not want them to get locked into feeling that it is a set thing and that they have to ask me every year. So I am trying very hard to find hols that I can go on alone so they know I am catered for and not reliant on their kindness.

It is hard on both sides of this fence.

DH and I are your in laws age and quite honestly I don't think I could cope with 10 days with the family. I fear you have done too much for them. Make your own arrangements as my DC do.

If a holiday with them is essential, ( is it?) can you make it strictly on your terms? Not in your house, not self catering, or you will still be doing all the running around.

I did 17 yrs on the trot with my in laws. To be fair they did live in the Balearics and had all the toys! But ....... every single day we went to a beach and every single day I was expected to make up a picnic lunch for up to 10 people. Individual sandwiches for all. I lost it at the end and on the plane home when my OH said what a wonderful time we had had - I explained that a kitchen was a kitchen, cooking and preparing meals was the same in either place - despite the better view! But the long term outcome has been that my eldest DD is a dab hand at picnics and when staying in France with her lovely inlaws she has carried on the tradition and they love her for it. So not all bad.

Sounds horrible and you have done your duty for long enough. In your place I would have to tell them with your husband backing you up, I am not enjoying this long time away with you and this won't be happening in future. This Christmas you must go to your daughter's as we are spending it on our own and may go away, yet to be decided. It's direct and they may be offended but they will presumably get over it and you will have your peace back. I have done similar things so that when the children were very young we didn't want to spend our Christmas time again at the other end of the country at the in-laws. I simply said it was too much of a rush and as we were both working we wanted to just enjoy Christmas with our children alone. Thirty plus years on we still do this. People were upset but got over it.

If you have been doing this for 18 years, you are all 18 years older than when it started. 20> 40, 30>50. Just tell them, if you need to give a reason, that as you get older you no longer have the energy to cope with everything - and your present cold is an indication of this.

Tell them, that infuture they will be welcome for a weekend, but you cannot manage any longer time now, and blame your health.

I do not know how old your children are, but I would not want heavy drinking grandparents round them for 3 weeks at a time, especially as they approached ther teenage years.