AIBU – to not want this person back in my life

We were contacted this week by an ex-girlfriend of my DH’s step son. We have not seen her for about six years. She now a single parent with two children, one aged 6 and one age 3 (who is disabled)

She rang my DH as she was in the area and asked if she could call. I was at work so was not aware of any of this until I got home and she had left.

My husband feels sorry for her as she is a single parent. Neither of the dads have anything to do with the children. My husband is soft and she knows this, which is why she contacted him and not me.

Here is the background, as I need to explain why I feel like I do not want her back in our lives.

My DH was married previously and had a SS (stepson) who was around 3 when they married. They split up after ten years when the stepchild was about 13. His mother didn’t have much time for him and he was left to his own devices. My DH tried to keep contact with him but we moved away from the area and he was a teenager and not that interested. I met him a couple of times and found him very arrogant. He reminded me of Liam Gallagher in attitude. He went to prison for 12 months for GBH, did drugs and was always fighting.

His mother married again and her new husband found him a job and tried his best for him.

Unexpectedly, SS turned up at a family funeral. We had not seen him for about 20 years. He was still arrogant and cocky

We live near the seaside and he asked if he could come to visit with his girlfriend. My DH was quite chuffed that he had made contact. Prodigal son and all that!

At the same time I had inherited a flat nearby and was planning to rent it out. Against my wishes, my DH mentioned this to SS and they asked if they could move in. This meant them moving about 1 ½ hours away from where they were currently living.

I was not keen on the idea but was practically over ruled by the three of them. We were in the process of renovating the flat so they stayed with us for a couple of weeks until they could move in. They pushed to move in so much I said they could providing they finished off the work. It was only a bit of painting.

We did all sort of extra stuff to the flat at their request. I ended up taking out a bank loan because I ran out of money due to all the extras.

They moved in. I said they didn’t need to give me a deposit and they could have the first month rent free. My DH also said they could have reduced rent – without consulting me first. I was fuming and felt that the was siding with them on everything

Neither of them had jobs at this point. My DH help SS to get a few jobs as he had a trade. After a few jobs my DH said that he could get his own work now as he knew people and had established himself. I don’t think he even tried to find work.

He used to borrow our car regularly, even though he had his own car. He never paid for petrol. They used to come round when I was at work and ask my DH to feed them as they had no money.

Long story a bit shorter. They paid three months’ rent and then stopped paying. This went on for a few months despite us asking for the rent. SS left his GF and went back home. She moved back to her mothers. She was pregnant by now.

We went to the flat after they left (as landlord I had a key) and it looked like they still lived there. There was washing up in the sink, food in the fridge etc. The painting they said they would do hadn’t been done and it looked like the place hadn’t been cleaned since they moved in. There was mould everywhere as they had not been using the extractor fans or opening the windows. The utility bills had not been paid.

We asked them over and over to come and clear the flat. They never turned up. Three months later we ended up clearing the flat and putting everything in storage for them to collect. They finally collected it about three months later.
From beginning to end this was about nine months. I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and ended up with shingles because of the stress. I felt like my DH was putting them before me. I was on the verge of giving him an ultimatum – me or them – it got so bad.

Back to the present and the GF is saying she wants to apologise for what happened. She came round with her two boys as she was visiting the area on holiday. My DH gave her some money for the boys. She asked if they could call him grandad as they had no father figure in their life.

She is asking to call round again to see me.

AIBU in that I don’t want to get involved with her again. She is blamed the SS for all of the stuff that happened. In truth she was work shy and just wanted to get pregnant.

My DH is as soft as they come and she know this. She even said to him that it would be nice to move back down here as it is a better place for her children to grow up. I have an excellent new tenant in my property so that is out of the question.

Red lights are flashing everywhere for me.

I do feel sorry for the children who have no father in their life but this is not my responsibility.

AIBU in not wanting to go down this path again.

Sorry this is so long