AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this

I don’t think this man wants his ex out of his life - it also sounds as though she is having trouble letting him go. She knows he’s in a relationship with you, but while you’re prepared to facilitate his relationship with her, it will carry on. He knew you weren’t happy about the one to one - which I have to say, sounds like a date - but he still went. That would be the final straw for me. If you don’t want a confrontation or to issue an ultimatum, at least step back a bit and concentrate on friends and family, and be generally more unavailable. His response will tell you all you need to know.

So he can do exactly what he likes but you can’t. At best he sounds thoughtless ( I’m being generous here!) at worst he’s a p****. Get out while you can it’ll only get worse

This was posted in November last year and the Original Poster has not been back.
I take I the problem is now resolved.

What's wrong with being jealous of a bloke who has chosen to spend hours with his ex. I would make a big issue about it whatever the consequences but you know best.

The drugs test that has been done on the ex partner of my daughter & father of my gd, has come back showing that he’s been using cocaine and crack cocaine recently. He’s also a very heavy drinker. AIBU in not wanting him to be collecting my gd from nursery even though the courts have given the go ahead (prior to the drugs test which we only received today). All we want to do is keep her safe and happy. My daughter and gd live with my husband and me. It breaks my heart that he can’t step up and be a decent dad.

MerylStreep

THIS IS THE ONLY POST THE OP HAS MADE.
I DONT THINK SHE’ll BE READING THESE “LATE” POSTS.

All right, all caps 😉

THIS IS THE ONLY POST THE OP HAS MADE.
I DONT THINK SHE’ll BE READING THESE “LATE” POSTS.

I'm an ex-wife who is on friendly terms with her ex-husband. I could happily spend time with him and we would be like brother and sister as there is no spark whatsoever between us. I wouldn't do it though as my 2nd DH might find it odd. But if, say, my ex and I were both living on our own I can imagine that I might go out with him because we have our children in common and we have a shared history. But that's all. I must admit I do think of him now more like a brother so I suppose it's how a relationship ended that counts. I've never been able to resurrect a relationship. So your ex probably feels comfortable with his ex but I don't think you have anything to worry about. After all, he chose you.

I had a crappy marriage to a difficult man, who has since become a good friend; we share adult children and young grandchildren, and he gets on with my mum and my teenager. I often stay at his house for holidays. I am very glad we're not married; he wasn't a good husband. Our kids love the fact that we get on well and we can all spend Christmas etc. together.

I only have a very casual partner, but even if I met someone more permanent I wouldn't want to change my relationship with my ex, and if a new partner felt jealous or made a fuss it would annoy me hugely.

Why did they split up? Are you just a friend who sleeps with him?

The OP has not been back for ages.

I would not be happy about the situation. Just because she is his ex does not mean there are no feelings between them . How would you feel if it were a woman who was not his ex? I suspect you would not tolerate that - I see no difference! I recognize he wants to see his G C though. Be careful, sounds as though he he had his bread buttered on both sides!

Nope, absolutely not ok

I think first you need to think really hard if you love each so much why is it a one-way thing where you tolerate and he does what he likes? If he loves you as much as you do him then he would consider your feelings more.
Why did he split from his wife in the first place if she still has got such a tight hold on his feelings?
I know children can keep the bond going but would you really be happy if he walked out on your relationship? How do you know what he is up to when you are not together?
The big question is how much you need and love him and how much more can you tolerate. You are obviously questioning these things or you wouldn't be asking others what they think.
Good luck in your decision.

In my younger days we called this two timing. He has his cake and eating it. Not for me at all !

Sorry OP but your relationship does not sound like a partnership..are you exclusive to each other? Is he actually divorced now?

I would tell him if he goes to this show the relationship is over.
You don't need this man. You're not dependent on him. He won't make you happy if he continues like this.

I wouldn't like it either, and your partner is being thoughtless towards your feelings. In your shoes I'd be rethinking this relationship.

I agree that he is not being thoughtful or fair to you. Just playing devils advocate , why dont you say you will come too and you can all see whatever it is?.Might bring him up short or alternatively I would wait until nearer the time and then just say quietly that it is fine as you will be away yourself. If he asks where you will be, you could say that you were pleasing yourself as he is doing , and do give yourself a little treat. Go somewhere you like and look for a cottage with a hot tub . Share it with a friend or two that you already know, so that you are not putting him before your friends. Enjoy it and then later you will be able to have a conversation with him about how you each see your role with each other and with the previous family and maybe come to a conclusion that puts you as a couple making decisions not playing one against the other. If you cannot sort this out in an amicable way I think it bodes ill for the future and personally my friends are very important to me. I have known one friend for 75 years, too important to give her up for any man for me. However hard it is you can choose to meet another person in the future but long term friendships are gold to me and it would be hard to put these in jeopardy, for another person. Good Luck with whatever you decide

You need to tell your partner how you feel about this Roserose it does seem the lines are a little blurred and it's making you unhappy.
My ex sometimes picks me up at the airport when I visit UK and takes me to my daughter, he also drives us around when I visit as he has the bigger car. We are not usually alone together my children or grandchildren are there too. My husband knows all this and has no problem with it. I think there is always a tie between people who have children together.

In your situation, as his wife doesn’t have anyone to go with, I would volunteer to go with her to save him the chore.

(I am a bit of a shit stirrer when I feel boundaries are being overlapped)

Do find your backbone and give him an ultimation Roserose55

I agree with eazybee, this man is, emotionally at least, still a married man, and that puts you, Roserose, in a situation you hadn’t bargained for.

You need to tell him this isn’t acceptable and, between you, face reality.

Whatever the circumstances in the marriage that led to the separation this man is still married, even though he and his wife may not live together. He is still firmly embedded in family life and had no business in embarking on a new relationship until marital issues were resolved. His behaviour towards Roserose is selfish and hurtful; whilst he enjoys the best of both worlds she pays the price.

It does sound as though he’s pushing the boundaries, what would he say if you said you were very unhappy about it and asked him to please not go.

Well my opinion is this, simply put it’s me or not.
I would not share my partner, it’s either he’s in or out. Friends are one thing but an emotional tie leading to days or evenings spent alone together with an ex would be beyond my endurance.
Call me old fashioned but I see that as being unfaithful to the current partner.