True friend or not ?

I would be hurt too- after I’d finished being cross. I think this is a very selfish woman there’s not been much sharing in this friendship. If you can I’d start again with someone who is kinder. I have a nice group of friends from my local church might there be some nice people in yours?

Hope you are feeling better,unfortunately you have been taken advantage of,just let things slide best not to get involved,some people don’t even realize how selfish they are,good luck

Few relationships in life are truly "equal" even marriages. Why should friendships be any different? Your friend sounds like she lacks emotional intelligence and sensitivity. That doesnt necessarily make her a bad person. Maybe shes given what she is capable of. So perhaps continue of the basis that she is an acquaintance rather than a friend as such and accept her limitations.

You cant make people over into what you want them to be.

I can't say that I agree with you GrantyHelen.
The friend could quite easily have refused the invitations.
In my mind the op has been more than kind. Now that she has moved 20 miles away the op is now no use to her 'friend'
I'd be miffed and upset too.

You aren't coming over well tome here You sound like you treated this lady as a charity case and felt she should be beholden to you I wouldn't enjoy that type of friendship and would take this chance to make a natural break from you

I think you are best moving on from this. Some people are better at taking than giving and do so without even realizing what they are doing. You were a good friend to her....well done for that.

I'd just forget it and move on.

I too feel that this woman is either deliberately making use of you or so self-centred that it never occurs to her to even phone and ask how you are.

Right now, please concentrate on your recovery. Often things seem worse than they when we are feeling ill, or have just been ill.

If she gets in touch, I would ask if she knew you have been in hospital and see what she says. She could perhaps have hestitated to phone while you were ill, feeling you might not be up to talking. Not that I feel this is likely, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

Once you are feeling better, I would in your place hesitate very much to be so helpful towards her as formerly, but that is, of course, entirely up to you.

I am so sorry to read your post cheeseplantmad
It sounds very hurtful. Whatever the reason she has ignored your plight and seems to think only of herself.
I know somebody like this.
She's gone now and good riddance.
Concentrate on your recovery and going back to your clubs to find who your true friends are.

You have reminded me to phone a friend who has recently had a bad fall!

Annanan

As they say, “friends for a reason, friends for a season“. It’s happened to me more than once

It's sad that saying is true.
Sometimes I feel like hibernating.

Don’t contact her again - just get better and enjoy your family and other friends xxx

You would be justified in telling her she hurt your feelings.
Maybe she has a distorted idea of what friendship normally involves, and you would do her a favour in telling her she did not reciprocate your many kindnesses. At least that would give her a chance to make an excuse for not sending you a kindly phone message.

When you have the energy maybe you could decide what, if anything, you get out of associating with her. Do you have actual fun by being together?

Time to move on. Stop expecting everyone is like you, should do this should not do that. Concentrate on getting better. Good luck

So sorry you’ve been so poorly - hope you’re on the mend soon. On the face of it, it does seem that your friend has taken you for granted. As others have suggested, it may just be a case of her being busy after the house move, but that’s no excuse for not contacting you if she knew you were in hospital. I think the only thing you can do is put this down to experience - you’ve done nothing wrong, you were a good friend to her, so it’s her loss.

I think we have maybe all come across someone like that. The decision is yours whether you value her friendship or need it enough to keep it going. Sorry to hear you have been ill, hope you are on the mend and feeling better now.

As they say, “friends for a reason, friends for a season“. It’s happened to me more than once

I'm sorry you've been hurt but just let her go. I had someone I thought was a friend. When her husband left I spent hours on the phone just listening whilst she tried to deal with everything and I spent many years afterwards keeping in touch, despite the distance and a life of work and caring for 3 small children. Later, when I hinted that I was going through the same marital problems she never thought to check if I was okay. I finally realised the truth when, one awful day, feeling at my lowest, I reached out and called her. As soon as she answered she immediately launched into a list of her current worries. When I tried to talk about the awfulness at my home she really wasn't interested and seemed quite annoyed. I was devastated. I had always thought of her as my best friend. The truth was that, to her and to the lady you describe, other people are there to make their own lives easier and they have no awareness of any other possibility. Just let her go.

don't take it personally, it is her issue.. you behaved with integrity and kindness.. I hope you recover soon...

Whatever her excuse might be Cheeseplantmad, if she has one, I’d let it slide and move on. You sound like a very kind person and you don’t need friends like that. It’s one thing doing all the running around for appointments etc, but that of course was your choice through thoughtfulness, but her thoughtlessness when you could do with her support is just too much. It’s her loss, I don’t think this friendship it’s worth pursuing. I hope you are recovering well.

Yes you see the type of friend pple need maybe you are wasted on her

A 'fair-weather' friend as my Gran would say. Sadly there are countless individuals who behave in exactly the same, abhorrent, way.
Move on, forget her and concentrate on getting yourself well.

Didn't realise she knew you were ill and then in hospital Cheeseplantmad. I'd also feel hurt 💐

Oh that's awful for you, Cheeseplantmad!
I hope you're well on the road to recovery now. I'm sending you some virtual 🫂
Take care of yourself! xx

Sorry to hear you have been so unwell Cheeseplantmad. Sending best wishes for your speedy recovery.
I’m unsure how long the woman lived in the same village as you and wonder if it’s significant that she had no friends twelve months ago.
Personally I wouldn’t contact her again. The ball is in her court now. Focus on your family and friends.

You may have seen her as a friend but she may not have seen you as one. Who initiated outings and meet ups? If it was always you then maybe she was just being polite in accepting lifts etc.

I live alone, happily, but find it difficult to refuse well meaning peoples invitations or help that are given because they cannot believe that I am happier alone.