To be upset about a lack of response

Both my grandsons 18 and 16 years old have their own bank accounts, and I gift them every birthday and Christmas. But we all do internet banking which is so much simpler,

Have you thought about this Mimismo?
You can then see at a glance if funds have been withdrawn.

A cheque will be a bit antique, he may well have difficulty knowing what to do. Probably he's also careless and forgetful. He should thank you, but sadly that sort of rudeness is not rare these days. In my opinion it's not about being puzzled but about being cross. You do not say how much the cheque is for or whether you are close to the nephew. Personally, it would be the last time I bothered - if he doesn't bother why on earth should you?

mimismo If there is going to be a next time, I think it would be better and easier if you did a bank transfer online and then text him to let him know. You will, more than likely, get an immediate ‘thankyou’ response by text. I’m afraid I’m more of a ‘text’ person than a ‘call’ person.

Cheques don't really work for many young people. I sent a young new employee ( aged 23) to pay a cheque in for a customer just so he would get the experience. He hadn't a clue how to pay one in person but felt quite chuffed when he completed the task.

Better to use direct bank transfers in future if you can, or just stop sending money and use an Amazon voucher instead. Thank you notes seemed to be a thing of the past with many young people but you might get a text or a What's App if you have a mobile and they have your number message.

I’m amazed at how accepting a lot of you are about what is a simple case of bad manners. Same responses to the post about the rude 12 year old. If we just accept rudeness it will never get better will it.
With modern technology it takes a few seconds to send a thank you text or WhatsApp. To the OP, don’t send another penny.

I'm surprised people still use cheques!
Maybe, with the lack of banks these days, and the faff of having to take it in and use a paying in machine, he just can't be bothered to do it. I know if it was me, I'd have to travel eight miles to my nearest bank where I could pay a cheque in & it would have to be a special journey so probably wouldn't be in a hurry to do it.
Saying that though, a thank-you costs nothing.

I'd just ring him, not his mum, to ask if he'd received it.

Something similar happened in our family. My nieces were teenagers and my sister, piggy in the middle, had become tired of nagging them to write letters while at the same time getting stick from my mother for not receiving any acknowledgement. Both nieces eventually opted not to receive anything from their grandparents for birthdays or Christmas because they simply couldn't be bothered to write thank you letters. This arrangement appeared to work for everyone. I'd like to think that when my turn comes a WhatsApp from grandchild/great-nieces or nephews will suffice.

Gone are the days of thank you letters! These days I send payments to GC's direct to their parents bank account. You can also pay through paypal direct to emails.

He may not know what to do with a cheque as youngsters do everything on line. That could explain his not cashing it, still rude not to have thanked you, but does he know how to contact you on line,? as they don’t write letters by post much nowadays.

Just ignore it and wait and see. None of the young seem to go to the bank anymore and it doesn't matter how much their parents have drummed it into them to say thanks they still don't. they don't thank each other.
Lose no more sleep but don't send anymore.
I've stopped sending my younger BIL cards as he can't be bothered to send me one. This Christmas his present is a pair of socks. He has already been with ours and I can tell DH is 4 bottles of beer. DH had been considering a good malt until I produced the socks. BIL's grown-up son never acknowledged anything until I stopped sending then his mum tackled me in a roundabout way and I just said Oh I thought he must have moved we've never had a thank you.

I don't send gifts to my adult nieces and nephews and OH does - he sends money by cheque to his two adult nieces and his three great nieces and nephews - and then checks his bank online on an hour by hour basis to see if they've cashed his cheques! Of course being people who never go to banks it takes ages before this happens. Only one adult niece and her young son ever send thanks. The whole performance causes him stress. I do wonder why he continues to send to those who never acknowledge his kindness. I think a thank you via text is not too much to ask.

If you really want to help by giving money Bank Transfer is the only way. Cheques are no longer easy to cash or deposit. If I was the student’s mother I would have volunteered to pay it into his account. In fact that was exactly what I did with any cheques given to my son when he was at university. Acknowledgement and thanks for the gift may never come but giving with love is what it’s all about.

Could he have lost it and not like to say? Or even not know what it was? Or what to do with it? He’s probably neve4 seen one before?
It seems most unlikely that a student would turn down money 🤣
I think you should make mention it to him or his mum

biglouis

In a very close relationship you dont always have to thank one another in words. You just know that the other person will be there for you if you need a favour and vice versa.

I love this comment. That knowledge is worth so much more than a letter sent out of duty or obligation.

@misimo.
He might not know what to do with a cheque. Although, that does not make it acceptable not to thank you for the gifts.

Anyone under the age of 40 is as baffled by a cheque as if it were an instrument for taking stones out of horses’ hooves.
But Thank you is still spelt the same way, and can be conveyed by phone, letter, Whatsapp voice note/video message or any way he likes!
Don’t send any more money.

In a very close relationship you dont always have to thank one another in words. You just know that the other person will be there for you if you need a favour and vice versa.

Thank you all for your comments. I've thought all of those things at various times. It's my fault that I obsess about it! If I speak to his mum I'll mention it. Otherwise I'll (try to) let it go

I get thank you letters from my grandchildren, but never from my nephew or his children. I don’t want to punish the children by stopping sending presents. They are young and it’s their parents’ fault that they are not taught to say thank you.

I’m afraid if you expect a thankyou or acknowledgment you are unlikely to get one. It is how it is these days. Years ago thank you letters were sent but now even with instant communication in their hands, unless you are part of their friendship group then they neither expect anything and are unlikely to respond if they are sent anything.

Harsh maybe but it’s how it is now.

Letitbleed

Most current accounts now, allow you to pay cheques in on your phone,
I think it ill mannered and honestly, it would be the last gift I sent.

Yes, I agree with Letitbleed. Online banking makes it so easy to deposit cheques up to a certain value - £500 I think but that might be different from bank to bank - the recipient just uses their mobile phone.
Clearly your nephew is disinclined to acknowledge receipt of the cheque or even to simply say 'thank you' . In your position it would be the last time I sent anything. Being a student, studying, away from home, having a busy social life are all poor excuses for basic good manners.

Most banks have the facility to ‘pay in’ a cheque by photographing it with your phone, so no need to go to the Bank or to post it and the money appears in your account immediately. A 21 yr old would surely know this.

He obviously doesn’t need the money and is very ungrateful.

I think it’s best not to expect thanks for gifts or make thanks a requirement for giving gifts. Just give because you want to or don’t give at all.

Lack of thanks for gifts isn’t only a young thing. In my experience, people of any age can be lacking in basic manners and thought.

Cheques are a no no these days. Failing a bank transfer, cash would have been preferable and reasonably safe since it was going via the mother of the young man.

I run an online business and have one customer who pays me by cheque, usually for quite a large amount. I have to send it to the sorting center and usually use a recorded delivery so I know it got there. The first time this happened it was so long since Id used a cheque I had to ring the bank to ask what to do with it. The young woman I spoke to said she had never seen a cheque.

When I first opened a bank account in the early 1960s my grandmother was the only one in the family who had a bank account. My father was quite hostile about it because only "posh" people had them. I had no choice as that was how my salary was paid.

How times have changed.