Am I over-reacting because my apology seems to have fallen on deaf ears

I still agonise over tactless things I’ve said to people over the years: one was a complete Freudian slip and I wish I could turn the clock back and not say it. I, too, talk too much when I’m nervous and someone once told me to shut up and still feel embarrassed by it.

biglouis

I mostly go with the maxim that the royal family use about never explaining or apologizing. Forget about it and dont sweat the small stuff.

Oh, if only it was this easy!

Add me to the long list of anxiety sufferers. I have GAD
In your situation RamblingRose, I’d be worried that I hadn’t received a reply. I’m not saying that this is the correct reaction, it isn’t, but it is how I would feel.

I would send a cheery text to your friends wishing them a Happy Christmas, I’m sure that you’ll receive some replies and you’ll be able to relax a bit.

You probably are worrying about absolutely nothing, I bet you know that yourself, but the knowledge won’t stop the anxiety.

So send them a completely unrelated text, make it about them

Wishing you a peaceful and restful Christmas ⭐️

Perhaps your friend saw that talking was making you more anxious , rather than helping you, and that was why she asked you to stop.
Don't worry about it any more and be your usual self at the next meeting.
Please don't give up on your friends, I'm sure they will have forgotten it already, if they even noticed.

At least it were brought to your attention of you rambling on , so in future can be a bit more careful of taking over conversations. I’ve been to many a lunch / meeting where there is always one who hogs the conversation, and I’ve often wished someone would tell them like they did you . Always best to just stop , listen , say few lines to add to conversation, as then everyone gets to have their say . Don’t stop going , just be more aware next time .

I mostly go with the maxim that the royal family use about never explaining or apologizing. Forget about it and dont sweat the small stuff.

Your friend is right, you are overthinking this, and attaching importance to it that it doesn’t warrant, but it is understandable if you are stressed. Try and be kind to yourself. None of us are perfect, and this episode is now in the past and others have probably moved on, full of their own concerns and lives.

It’s common to have negative thoughts, with which to beat ourselves up with, but that’s all they are, thoughts from a self critical mind. We don’t need to accept them.

If a friend had your dilemma and offloaded to you, what would you say to her.? I bet it would be kinder than you are saying to yourself?

I don’t think you will be helping yourself if you leave the group

Your friends probably know you better than you realise and understand this was your way of working through your anxiety. They may already have noticed this is a tendency in you, just as you’ve probably noticed their individual foibles. Between you you have supported each other over a long period, despite one or other of you taking things too far occasionally.

Still you continue to meet and benefit from each other’s company. Don’t leave the group, nobody will think the worse of you, they know you too well by now.

It is part of anxiety to ruminate on negative things - even when those things are not real.

It would be good if you could try and put this behind you and carry on going to the group. It is hard I know, but I am sure this is the best way forward.

I would find the apology email the worst part, tbh - it’s like you’re still dominating the conversation even after the get together. Just put it in the past, be conscious of letting other people talk but don’t stay silent and make sure you have other outlets for your quite understandable stress.

Just let it go .
No more apologies .
Once is enough .

We all do silly things and then feel acutely embarrassed afterwards .

Some of us have just had a drop too much of the booze at an event and other times sheer stress makes us behave in an inappropriate way .

A few months back , I was giving a lady garden advice - not realising that she is actually dying from cancer until she said that the garden was a bit much for her and explained why .

I know the feeling .

I'm really struggling with two gardens otherwise I'd be more than happy to tidy her overgrown shrubs

I wanted the ground to swallow me up .

So I bought her flowers and a card and apologised for being a pain in the
a--e .

It's best to apologise once and then , take a deep breath ...

Many things fall on deaf ears, people hear what they want to hear. People conclude from what they think was said. Go, enjoy and don't worry.

Try not to worry and ruminate about this. Go to the next get together, zoom or in person and enjoy it

Sorry, I forgot to add I hope your son gets help with his stress and is able to return to work soon.

I agree with everyone else. Go to the next meeting. Act normally. Let others do the talking for a bit and the. Join in.
I often send emails that go unanswered. I was convinced recently that I had done something to upset my SIL as I sent her about 4 emails and had no reply. She replied quite pleasantly to the last one and made no mention of the other three. People lead busy lives.
Don’t give up on a group you enjoy because of this.

Perhaps it’s just me but I do r think you did anything to apologize for in the first place and perhaps that is why the others didn’t know how to respond. Were you overly chatty during one lunch ? Perhaps but I can’t imagine telling a grown adult to stop taking however politely - I actually think that person was quite rude !

agree with Hithere above.

"Have you committed a heinous crime? No"

That's right. Dear Ramblingrose22 do seek out a bit of help? Yes so many of us worry about "what we've said and that it might have been AWFUL"
its a matter of degree, and if it stops you keeping friendships up dont struggle on too long.

I realise I’ve invented some matrimonial advice but have I missed something here? Have you committed a heinous crime? No.
So, you’ve rambled on about an issue which bothered you. No big deal. Absolutely no big deal.
Your behaviour? I don’t see it that way and doubt your friends do. Put aside your embarrassment and enjoy their company.

Once again, many thanks to those who have taken the trouble to reply.

To answer a few questions, the purpose of the group is to share certain experiences that we all had from childhood and to explore the impacts of these experiences on our lives. Some of the impacts have been similar and relate directly to wartime experiences of one or more of our parents.

The group is only 9 members including me. There were only 5 of us at the lunch and the apology went only to those who attended the lunch.

I still feel very embarrassed about my behaviour and feel like I would only be " brave" enough to attend the next meeting if my anxiety has gone or my son's situation has been resolved.

Let's hope both of these things happen by then.

What Nannagarra says.

You've all been together a long time. I can really understand you concern about the "no replies" but its a signal imo "best left". Dont be ultra cheery, either, just be a listener and if someone asks after you give a truthful but succinct reply. Yes it will be hard to go.

Your anxiety levels are very high. You could consider seeking some help for that Ramblingrose22. Although the group have shared vulnerabilities, it's not a therapy group. Try and get that need met elsewhere.

Its hard to learn to contain extreme anxiety to be able to be "appropriate" in different groups whilst still being "true to yourself" but it is possible x

Don't beat yourself up. Go to the next meeting. I too suffer from anxiety and tend to talk ten to the dozen, usually about rubbish, to cover up my 'nerves'. Nobody seems to mind but sometimes when I get home I think to myself 'You didn't let anyone get a word in edgeways'. People must think I'm very confident. I am the opposite!

Ramblingrose. You say you suffer from stress and anxiety, and that recent news about your son had exacerbated this, and this is probably why you're feeling the way you are now.

As others have said, go to the next meeting and try not to dwell on this anymore. You've been invited to the next meeting which is surely a sign that all is well.

I tend to overthink things too especially if I'm upset and/or worried. I'm sure it will be fine.

Don’t worry, they will understand and it will be fine.

Just go to the next meeting, perhaps just the one person that asked you to stop talking was waiting. to talk. I sometimes overthink things, I bet we all do.

To quote from Frozen …Let it Go!

It’s probably your very anxiety that’s making you worry more than you need to.