AIBU? Babysitting grandchild issues.

Stick to your guns, you have other plans.

Sounds to me like your 26y old boy is all sweetness and light as long as things are going his way. But you already know this don’t you?

‘No’ is a complete sentence.

I suspect your older DS’s silence won’t last - you’re too useful to him.

Enjoy your Saturday out!

I definitely wouldn’t change my own plans. You could say you would happily do it another time with warning but just can’t this time.

Stick to your guns (in a calm way to difuse any tension from your oldest) and dont feel guilty. It sounds like you help them out lots already and you have plans on this day.! Its quite short notice really.

You have a 9 year old son to bring up and you work full time, don't feel guilty. You have done a lot for your GS and your elder son should be able to acknowledge you have a busy life - just as he does. You are both parents, does your 26 year old ever offer to help you with his young brother!?
Surely he should be trying to bond with his little brother? You are a busy Mum , do what you can for your elder son but don't do more than you feel you can . Enjoy your night out on Saturday!

May I ask where the mother of the child is?

Yanbu - he is his father, his responsibility

It is important that you make it clear now that you are not permanently available at their beck and call. Your son not answering texts - I expect he is cross, but that is no reason for you to feel guilty.

I think you need to ring him, say that you know it is disappointing for them but you do have other things arranged so on this occasion you can't help. Tell him it is best not to assume that you are free when making arrangements. Please don't be guilt tripped into changing your mind

Enjoy your well deserved time at the weekend

I wouldn’t ring him, do not feel guilty, you’ve said you can’t, fair enough. If they want a social life they should have others, maybe friends, who can sit as a reciprocal arrangement.
Enjoy your Saturday.

Think how disappointed your younger son will be to have all his plans for the day and spending time with you spoilt.

I suspect like many single mums, you over compensated for your situation and ended up running round after your children doing everything for them - and your eldest son still expects this, even though he is now grown up with his own family.

He needs to grow up and realise his mother is not his servant. So learn to say 'No' (with a smile) and tell him, that if he needs baby sitting he must check with you before he makes arrangements to go out.

I am sorry for you. Whatever you decide you will guilty!
DS1 shouldn't have asked you to babysit. Do they not have someone else to ask?
Her mother for example?

When our DC were young we had babysitting circles but I don't suppose people do that anymore. There's so much concern about child safety.

Hithere

May I ask where the mother of the child is?

Yanbu - he is his father, his responsibility

The mother is going for a night out with the father...its all in the OP

You have plans.
Other babysitters can be sourced.
Your son has already had half his Christmas taken up. Now it's your turn.
Enjoy your weekend.
Your older son will sulk & try to make you feel guilty. Set the boundaries - he'll come round.

I’d ignore his not
Answering and stick
To your guns.

Say 'You had already made plans, not just for yourself but others too. You do not want to let other people down - or yourself of course. Sorry, can't do this Saturday, but happy another time with a bit more notice.'

You are not being unreasonable and have nothing to feel guilty about.

Enjoy your day with your 9 yr old. Don’t feel stressed.

In future it would be a good idea for them to ask you first, but don’t forget your 9 yr old also needs you at weekends.

So No YANBU

In my opinion it would be very unreasonable of you to babysit your grandson in favour of taking your son to his activities as planned. Your elder son should be able to see this even if he has not bonded with his brother.

No, you are not being unreasonable but by ignoring you, your son is.

I wouldn't try and contact him but wait for him to contact you. At 26 and a father of a 4 year old, you son needs to grow up.

I agree with the others.

I would also add that you might want to reconsider getting into the habit of explaining why you can't babysit. 'That doesn't work for me, sorry' should be enough. The problem with explaining is that it allows the other party to try to 'solve' the problem for you, it can (unintentionally) come across as martyrdom, and most importantly it is none of their business.

Your son wants a night out - it's not as though he's asking you to cover whilst he has an operation . Your right to spend your own time as you wish is as important as his. Offer to do a swap - you look after his son one weekend, and he can look after yours the next?

Doodledog

I agree with the others.

I would also add that you might want to reconsider getting into the habit of explaining why you can't babysit. 'That doesn't work for me, sorry' should be enough. The problem with explaining is that it allows the other party to try to 'solve' the problem for you, it can (unintentionally) come across as martyrdom, and most importantly it is none of their business.

Your son wants a night out - it's not as though he's asking you to cover whilst he has an operation . Your right to spend your own time as you wish is as important as his. Offer to do a swap - you look after his son one weekend, and he can look after yours the next?

I agree with Doodledog... get your son to take some responsibilty for his brother and behave reciprocally, he is now an adult. You are still young and deserve a fulfilling life for yourself. I hope you enjoy your day off and many more of them.!!!

I think this is what tough love means.Our kids try to push the boundaries whatever their age.Stand firm.

I sort of agree regarding waiting for him to contact you. However if you think you would find it easier to feel in control of the conversation by ringing him, then that might be the best way forward for you. Only you can decide. If you do ring I would just acknowledge that it must be annoying for them as you are not available but that they cannot assume you are free, longer notice is needed and also maybe they need to build up some other babysitting possibilities as well as yourself. And a discussion about him looking after his brother occasionally would be a good one to!

Hard as it seems, ignor him , don't contact him at all, he will want you before you want him. You have your own life to lead & your young son ... hard as it seems ... ignor him ... he will definitely want you before you want him !

Don't feel guilty, you have enough on your plate and they should not ask you.
Surely they have a local baby sitting group or friend they could ask.