Gender reveal/Baby shower

Baby showers and gender reveals are not my thing but I do remember how exciting it is when you are having a baby, it is all you want to talk about and you wrongly assume that everyone else is as excited.

When I was younger and struggling I did not accept help from my parents as I knew they would resent anything I spent money on that they did not approve of. If help cannot be given without resentment then it is best not to help.

I absolutely hate them,I did go to one for our youngest GD just before covid ,mainly because I was asked to cater for it .
My son knows my feelings and was apologetic about it but his partner was keen to have one .
As someone who lost several pregnancies at various stages having all that "stuff" fills me with horror .Of course most young folk dont think babies die before or just after birth and thats probably best .Having loads of things to deal with IFit happens is a nightmare I'd rather avoid.
Managing a loss without a ton of baby things is tough enough maybe wait and have the shower a month before the due date ...though that isn't always a given of a happy outcome .
I hope its a good pregnancy and a speedy safe delivery for your DIL .Grit your teeth and do it for them .

I would enjoy going to one of these parties, but then I enjoy any kind of party.

Our youngest daughter went to one last Sunday. An ex-colleague who she likes and has kept in touch with but she really really didn’t want to go! Neither did the friend who picked her up. They just didn’t want to offend. Afterwards she texted me “in future if I ever get invited to one of these I will miraculously find it clashes ‘with something’”!

I would feel exactly like you . It seems unnecessary and self indulgent!! People have babies all the time , the child's gender is irrelevant - a healthy child is what matters.
However in your situation I would go, your son obviously wants you there. Go , smile, flowers are a nice idea and try and enjoy the ' celebration ' !!

Thank you all. Flowers are a good idea. I really have no clue! I do need to go to show him my support.

I am concerned about their finances too for sure as I had to pay all their household bills last month to bail them out and I know it isn’t a lot for them to host something in the whole scheme of things but am wary that they are not taking care and are digging themselves in deeper and babies aren’t cheap… but that’s a whole other story.

Today I am just worried about the expectations of a gender reveal and really apprehensive about going.

I felt I had to go to a "baby shower" for my daughter-in-law. I really didn't want to as I loathe the idea of them. They seem so grasping and unnecessary... and I suppose I'm aware that not all pregnancies go to plan. I got through by laughing a lot about it (through gritted teeth) to my son and daughter-in-law and rolled eyes and said this once but never again. I just don't get the point. I was clear that I was doing it for my daughter-in-law.

They have 3 children now. For the second my daughter-in-law said "please don't feel obliged to come" so I haven't and no-one cared. It was apparently a tiny one compared to the first. By the 3rd baby she didn't even want one. She even sighed when she went to one recently as it was her gym evening!

I am my own person and feel we should be true to ourselves if we don't hurt others.
I also feel that celebrating is important so it's not that. I think we like celebrating people's commitment to each other at (say) a marriage ceremony. I think we should should be grateful after the birth of a baby and maybe a small celebration may be appropriate there - of course this used to be the christening.

To me, this gender reveal stuff and baby showers, is all "look at me" - and premature.

I would say to them you will go if they really want you there, that you love them but that you don't really see the point. It's not your kind of thing. I think you don't need to be there really but would check it out with your son's partner in particular first.
I think your son wants you there as her family are all up for it and making a big thing about it. He isn't really accepting that you are not them.
Maybe you could ask her directly if she minds if you go or not? I feel the sex of the baby is of no importance to me so maybe I'm a bit odd anyway. The important thing to me is that a baby is healthy and well and survives. I don't care whether babies are boys or girls. Maybe that's unusual but I don't really think so.

Your son probably just wants to "fit in" with her family. Your family is different. Just say so and they will come to accept it I think.
There is an assumption that you will just go along with what her family are doing.
If you wanted to celebrate by walking the 3 peaks would they come?
Just wondering!

I know I’m out of step nowadays, but a friend’s daughter had her first baby the other day. I bought a card saying ‘It’s a Boy’, but seeing as that has been common knowledge for months, seemed a bit pointless.

My friend said when she told me the sex ages ago, “Oh well, it makes it easier knowing how to decorate the nursery and what clothes to buy”.

Old fashioned I know, but when you know the sex, likely birthdate, weight etc all beforehand, not too much of a surprise really.

Glad I didn’t know the details back in the day.

As for gender reveal gatherings…..

Usually friends organise these events for the mother-to-be; my daughter has organised and hosted several, despite having no children of her own.
I would take some food/drink as you are concerned about catering costs.

I would go your son wants you there regardless of your feelings on these events. Absolutely no need to take anything except yourself.
You do seem more concerned that they are hosting this event and the costs involved maybe her parents have helped out.

Oh I do wish you luck and sorry I m no use as I ve never been to one (thankfully) like you I think they are an unnecessary addition and why ???
However as your son obviously badly wants you there you must go
Do you have to take anything except yourself? I ve no idea I wouldn’t have thought so as the baby s not here yet
Maybe some flowers for your daughter in law otherwise go and enjoy or pretend to enjoy then get yourself home to rest before work
Good luck