Role of Godchildren

Being a godparent is an honor; it’s not supposed to be a burden for the godchild. Her expectations are not reasonable and way out of line.

1summer, is your friend perhaps starting with dementia? Godparents take some responsibility for children - but no 'return' should ever be expected. If she's thinking of upcoming care needs, she'll have to make appropriate arrangements, just like anyone else - or maybe ask for help to do so. She can't (and shouldn't) expect any one individual to care for her.

Surely this about what the Godparents will do for a child and not what the child will do for them? I’m no longer in touch with my Godchildren who are now in their 40s. This is down to me for not keeping in contact with them. They have no obligation towards me whatsoever.

That is so sad that she never had children to spite her MIL, she has missed out on so much and must be a nice lady or wouldn’t be a godmother to so many children .

I think Godparents are given a role, not the other way round. If she goes ahead and speaks to her godchildren, I think she will totally alienate them.

I would not expect my Godson to look after me. He has his own mother who needs help.

I would ignore what your friend has said she sounds to me as if she is in a low place herself.
The role of God parent can be taken seriously or not. I would never consider the role as a replacement carer or expect godchildren to look after me.
My godmother was a second mother to me, she helped often when I was a teenager when I was in trouble at home.
My godfather never thought about it again, his children did not know he was.
My godmother's husband took up the role and was brilliant.
I have two godchildren neither of whom I really know I was in the right place at the right time to be asked.
I think your friend is just venting her temper and disappointment at anyone and probably doesn't even remember what she has said.
Sorry for your loss.

😁

I was thinking more of decision making and checking no-one is emptying your bank account, not changing your nappy. If a person needs care then that's another matter. It's just nice for someone to be making those decisions and keeping an eye out if the elderly person has lost their marbles.

I don't want any of them cleaning me up.

Agreed, I never said godchildren have any obligation because they don't, only sons, daughters, nephews or nieces. Maybe grandchildren if they are the only blood relatives.

. Either a child, nephew or niece needs to step up
Perhaps but it is not the role of a Godchild as they do not have a role.

It's up to Godparents to step up if the child is in need of guidance when young and the parents are unable to help.

Some very harsh comments here. Everyone needs someone to bat for them if they are unable to make decisions due to mental decline. Either a child, nephew or niece needs to step up or the person will either die alone and neglected or will be taken over by social services, in which case no-one will be around to keep an eye on them.

I know an unmarried male aged 73 who has two estranged nieces. They won't help him, although they know he's completely alone in the world.

We (neighbours) are currently trying to find the estranged only son of an 85 year old woman with severe dementia who lives alone and needs to go into care. She has completely lost her marbles, so someone needs to make decisions for her.

If she needs carers and has no family to do it she will have to contact the Adult Care Services in her area. In which case, there wont be much left to leave in her will anyway.

🤔

Sorry but I agree with her
Who is there for you in your hours of need deserves
Those who are not deserve nothing

I'm so sorry for your loss, Isummer - you should not have this to cope with as well. If the remark about not having children to spite her mother in law is/was not a joke, I think this is a rather odd and maybe not very nice lady. Her attitude to her godchildren may be a sign of some type of dementia, although as I understand it that's more likely in the later stages. Protect yourself from this woman, you and your daughter need kind friends now.

Your friends behaviour sounds like it is changing. Maybe she needs professional help. These could be signs of dementia.

Am told by DD that although few of her friends have had their child baptised, they still talk about people as the child’s godparents. It seems a shorthand for “really good friends” for some people?
I was looking for godparent cards once for church and came across one which said “Please be my godparent so you can teach me to drink and swear “. 😱

I think the kindest thing I could bring myself to say about her is that it sounds as though she could have early signs of dementia. I feel that there should never be any obligation on anybody to look after someone elderly. If our relatives have been kind people then of course we are only too happy to help them.

She sounds like my late mil archaic!

Thats harsh. She sounds frightened to me. Not a nasty piece of work.

Hithere

Very sorry for your loss

Glad she didn't have children, with the unrealistic expectations she has

Is this the first time she expresses ideas like this?
A person doesn't become so entitled out of the blue, the will threat is a classic manipulative move

Talking to her might not work at all.
It is nice you want to shield your daughter but she is an adult, she can handle this herself

This.
Sadly your friend souds like a nasty piece of work.

MerylStreep

The clue was there when she told you the reason she didn’t have children. Nothing should have come as a surprise after that revelation.

Agree! I wouldn’t have missed having children for anything, despite the fact my M-in-law was desperate for grandchildren! (And I have to acknowledge she was a brilliant granny!)

Even earlier in the case of pre primary school children.