Role of Godchildren

Godparents made the promises ,not the other way round. Of course it is lovely if godchildren are kind and caring towards their godparents as they age but there should be no obligation. I hope your friend says nothing to your DD.

Sorry you have lost your DH recently

I'm sorry

Tell her the same to what you posted. Either she will gain a new understanding or not. If an honest chat causes you to fall out - so be it.

Isummer...your post is so sad and I am sending you a hug. I don't think it's right for anyone,friend or family to expect to be looked after.Maybe by a wife or husband but certainly not your daughter as a God child.Perhaps you friend could pay for someone to come to her house??

So sorry for your loss 1summer.

mumofmadboys is correct. Godparents make promises to have an active role in ensuring their Godchildren are raised in the Christian faith, an obligation freely entered into as adults.

I wonder if it might be worth while talking to your friend about her attitude. Possibly pointing out to her that she is of course free to do as she chooses with regard to her will, that your D would never have expected to be a beneficiary and you will be very unhappy if she does say anything to her, especially as she is grieving for her father.

Very sorry for your loss

Glad she didn't have children, with the unrealistic expectations she has

Is this the first time she expresses ideas like this?
A person doesn't become so entitled out of the blue, the will threat is a classic manipulative move

Talking to her might not work at all.
It is nice you want to shield your daughter but she is an adult, she can handle this herself

So sorry for your loss 1summer
No one should expect their children, let alone godchildren to look after them. She never had children, just to spite her mother-in-law !!!!! I’m sorry to say this, but I think your friend is quite a nasty person - I know I sound rather judgemental, but I can’t help it.

I think being a godparent is a bit like being a teacher. You see it as a one way giving relationship and it is a huge bonus if you get anything back.

How you explain this to your friend I'm not sure!

The clue was there when she told you the reason she didn’t have children. Nothing should have come as a surprise after that revelation.

Your friend needs putting straight in the nicest possible way! She has this entirely wrong. If she does speak to your daughter and your daughter is upset please show her these sensible posts on GN . You might like to show them to your friend too! The whole thing is ridiculous!!

I can’t stand people that use their will to get what they want. If she were a nicer person she would have a better relationship with people and they would willingly look after her.

The godchildren did not have a say in who their godparents are, I would tell your daughter what she has said to prepare her in case your friend does say anything.

You do not need friends like this.

mumofmadboys

Godparents made the promises ,not the other way round. Of course it is lovely if godchildren are kind and caring towards their godparents as they age but there should be no obligation. I hope your friend says nothing to your DD.

Yes, the promises are made in church to the Godchildren by the Godparents.

"I'll cut them out of my will unless they come to look after me" sounds like blackmail unless it was a joke.

My DC do keep in occasional touch with their Godparents but that is because they love them, not because they feel obliged and wouldn't be expected to look after them in their old age!
It's lovely if Godchildren have a good relationship with Godparents but there should be no obligation, nor on the part of the Godparents either after the child is old enough to be confirmed or decide they are not interested in religion.

I am sorry about the loss of your husband, lsummer

MerylStreep

The clue was there when she told you the reason she didn’t have children. Nothing should have come as a surprise after that revelation.

That could have been bravado on her part, though, if perhaps they were unable to have children.

People did make strange excuses years ago which was sad.

Thank you all for you advise. I have always wondered if her MIL was the real reason for no children but hard to ask. She did care for her MIL until she went into a home she died recently aged 99.
I think I will talk to her and ask was she joking, say that my daughter never expects to be a beneficiary and we both would be very hurt if she thinks she should be her carer and that I don’t expect my daughter to be my carer - although she knows my daughter is very fond of her.
I thought it was a strange she said this as she is usually a very generous and kind person. I am wondering if this is a start of dementia as her conversations are very repetitive and she said she gets anxious leaving the house.
I hope I can resolve this as we have been friends for a long time and I would be sad to lose her.
I will let you know how it goes, will see her on Friday.

Don’t even know who mine are 😂 ( were probably )

It could be the start of dementia , repeating things and anxiety is common.
She might be frightened of her future, or just joking a bit, so have a gentle word when you see her. Her numerous nieces and nephews are closer as family and would hopefully take interest in their aunt and uncle.

GagaJo

I think being a godparent is a bit like being a teacher. You see it as a one way giving relationship and it is a huge bonus if you get anything back.

How you explain this to your friend I'm not sure!

Something I have always refused to do, as I am not religious. The promises made in Church are very specific and request your faithful religious input- which I refuse to do with my fingers crossed behind my back (same for our marriage, and eventually, my funeral). So not quite like a teacher- but yes, it is a one-way thing.

I have several earthlings I'd be prepared to help in any circumstances.

I decided my job as Godparent was done when my Godchild said she definitely did not want to be confirmed.
However, she is still one of my favourite people. 🙂

So sorry for the loss of your husband 1summer

I agree with momb as well, godparents promise to care for the children not vice versa.

I’m sorry for your loss 1summer. A difficult time for you. I hope the conversation with your friend can stay friendly.

We’ve one goddaughter, now over 50. There was little contact for years, now almost daily since her Mum experienced a brain bleed a few years ago. She is estranged from her Dad and we’ve become surrogate parents. We try to support her from a distance, she’s 200 miles from us, there is absolutely no expectation or desire she will care for us.

Oh my goodness she would have been a highly unsuitable parent and made the right choice.

I think if she says this to your daughter I wouldn't blame you at all for distancing this relationship.

People care for each other out of love not obligation and they can't sacrifice thir own lives to do it. She sounds very entitled

The role of Godparent is a spiritual one; they promise to look after the spiritual welfare of the child.

This person thinks it should be a totally different relationship.

Sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. Your daughter is also grieving and doesn’t need any added pressure.

None of us can or should expect our children to care for us in old age. We are fortunate that most families care for each other throughout life.

You may be right in wondering if your friend is entirely well. Best of luck with this

So sad for your loss. It's not the role of godchildren to have any responsibility for godparents. I've never heard of it anyway. I think your friend is misguided. I don't think that our children, grandchildren or godchildren owe us anything whatsoever. It's lovely if they care of course but never obligatory.