To think in 20 years we won't do it any more?

NanaDana

Here's one I wrote earlier..
A Lost Art?
I love to meet with friends, and to sit with them and chat,
A rewarding way to pass the time, discussing this and that,
As we set the world to rights that talk’s a favourite occupation,
A chance to join with others in the art of conversation.
But as I look around these days I worry when I see,
So many bad examples of how things have come to be.
Two girls there on the Metro left me feeling quite perplexed,
As they sat next to each other to communicate by text.
Heads pointed down and fingers flying, total introspection,
As they “talked” there to each other, with no meaningful connection.
I’ve seen a family in a pub, all gathered for a meal,
It’s no exaggeration, and to me it seemed surreal,
Both parents and the children, with i-pads in their hand,
They may as well have been apart, all in some distant land,
In separate worlds they surf the net, oblivious of each other,
Just how does that fit in with being a Father or a Mother?
So is it any wonder that when youngsters do speak out,
The noises that they make leave no room for any doubt,
That they’ve lost the use of English, with a sentence all expressed,
With grammar and vocabulary suitably addressed.
No “I was like” and “she was like”, such tortured, mangled speech,
With constant interjections as they struggle there to reach,
For the words to tell their story, in sentences that vary,
With such easy, practiced reference to a wide vocabulary.
I see recorded interviews with people in the street,
A “vox pop” scene from years gone by, with sentences complete,
So very different from today, I sometimes wonder whether,
The person being interviewed can string three words together,
Without “you know” or “kind of like”, or using that ”I mean”,
To fill those yawning gaps where those lost words would once have been.
And even social gatherings work against good conversation,
With some awful, blaring disco blocking all communication,
As you sit and strain to lip-read what your neighbours try to say,
But the decibels still triumph, and those words just fade away,
So you smile and nod, and then give up, another chance is lost,
To communicate with others, and it all comes at a cost.
At heart we’re social animals, and we have the gift of speech,
To serve our complex lifestyles, to help us all to reach,
A proper understanding of what brings us all together,
To cement a lasting friendship takes some concentrated blether.
So I’m making no apologies, and I may be an old fart,
But I mourn for conversation, fast becoming a lost art…

What a wonderful post 'NanaDana', so well written and thought out, but as another poster said, very sad at the same time!

I find the rest of the responses to my question very interesting. It seems that quite a lot of us do like to give advance notice via text or whatever, to check if it's convenient for a chat, which is fine in my opinion, and an improvement on the days where you had to risk getting someone out of the bath. However, I really fear for the future of youngsters that sit next to each other and talk via text, or the kids who stay at home in the holidays, texting their friends, rather than getting up off their bums, going out, and getting some fresh air and exercise. I think that this takes things too far, and they will really struggle to make new friends and long term relationships as time goes by, unless of course this becomes the norm for everyone, as the older generations die out.

One thing that has to some extent surprised me from the responses given, is how many people don't actually like using the phone. This is where video chat can really make a difference in my opinion, as being able to talk to someone who may be on the other side of the world, as if they're literally in the room with you, and without even having to hold a phone to our ear, is a wonderful improvement on the old way of doing things, and surely must be more comfortable for those of you who dislike using the phone, or am I wrong?

I would never just phone for a chat without texting first nor would I want others to call me. I like to have a pre-arranged time that suits both parties.

My mother expects everyone to answer the phone whenever she calls and speak for an hour, not possible when working or busy.

I turn my phone off at times just to get a break from it. I am not the emergency services so nobody needs me immediately

I text or e-mail and ask if they have time for a chat. One DD does not even have a landline so have to but she is the one who always texts back even if to say she is busy. The other DD I often don't hear from for over a week then I get an accusatory e-mail saying whats up are you ill?
With friends, we e-mail or message and ask if they fancy or I fancy a natter and we set a time to Facetime. My GD likes to facetime on a Friday to tell me about her school week.
I hope I'm here in 20 years my aunt lived until 96 my mother to 86and then it was not an age-related illness that got them so maybe I have a chance.

No mobile for me, too costly, plus I hear reception is bad. I email.

Our daughters call and leave a message on our land line, or they just show up. Today, Palm Sunday, several emails to make menu, I'd hate that many calls intruding on the quiet.

NanaDana - what a brilliant poem. I really admire your talent. I've tried many times to write poetry but can't do it. I really think you should get this published if you can as it is SO relevant. Fantastic.

tickertape

I have never really enjoyed phoning people. I have a bit of a dread of making phone calls, to anyone, even my own children.
Being able to text and chat with people in Whatsapp, etc, has been a boon for me.
I agree that people do seem a bit trance-like now in that they seem welded to their phones. It is a shame.

Are you my twin? You've just described exactly how I feel about using the phone! 😂

tickertape

I have never really enjoyed phoning people. I have a bit of a dread of making phone calls, to anyone, even my own children.
Being able to text and chat with people in Whatsapp, etc, has been a boon for me.
I agree that people do seem a bit trance-like now in that they seem welded to their phones. It is a shame.

Good to realise I'm not the only one. I've never liked talking on the 'phone - even to family. Not quite sure why.

I don't like having to make 'official' calls - but manage them OK. What I dislike most is receiving an important call - out of the blue, when I'm not focused on the issue in question.

My GP did this the other day. I'd had blood tests, some of which were abnormal (but expected to be), and she wanted to discuss what she was going to do about possible treatments. I just couldn't focus - couldn't switch off from what I was already doing when she called - and I had someone visiting also at the same time. I wanted to be prepared for the call, and I wasn't. I'd have preferred a text message which I could've absorbed in my own time...

I do use whatsapp quite a lot, but it has disadvantages. Friends of my age respond quickly along with my son but not my daughter. I'll send a message which will be answered some time in the future. She is very busy and I'd prefer to chat. Whenever I ring I get the answer phone, so I ask her to ring me which again is sometime in the future. She generally rings while walking along so I can never hear her clearly. I just have to try to be content with the situation. I sometimes think of dumping whatsapp then she might ring instead.

I’m the same - have switched off landline ringer for that reason. Really dislike calls ‘out of the blue’. Some are dubious/unwanted, putting me on the spot. A colleague (who I never really liked) of my late husband does this - not even announcing himself - as if expecting me to know & be grateful for his call. It’s a kind thought, of course, asking how I am - but an intrusion all the same. I feel as though he’s cornered me! A good friend rings for a long chat - which is fine - but I’ve told her now to just ring my mobile & I message/text her frequently anyway. Family message all the time - I like this because I see news without intruding and can consider reply if needed. An ongoing ‘chat’ but not demanding!

I chat with my daughters, my sister and others on the phone all the time! We occasionally text when we want to draw someone's attention to something or send an attachment/photo. My younger daughter does this most. My son phones once a week or so and the occasional text. Although he DID take the trouble to FaceTime and phone several times this week from Italy where he is on holiday (wonders will never cease!). I guess it is what the people around you do, but in my circle of family and friends, face to face and phone calls are definitely still in use! I would add that I do live very near all these people except my sister and see them regularly so perhaps we just all talk too much!

I know this was meant to catch the eye - and it succeeded OP!
My initial reaction was “Too right” !
But more seriously, things we took for granted, landlines, phone calls where nobody can see you are still in your pj’s or just out of the shower ,writing and getting letters and cards, postcards from holidays, people on walks with their dogs actually enjoying the countryside (or talking to the dog), a simple Good Morning when you pass someone you vaguely recognise, thank you’s, “Can I help you” in JL instead of “Y’ll right there?”
Oh dear, I’m turning into my granny.

I’ll call my DDs and they call me, there in there late 40s , however GDs I text as they’ve always got phones in there hands. Men in our family much prefer to call and they are all ages. But I do feel it’s a generational thing.

I have profoundly disliked using the phone for as long as I can remember but although very glad to have so many online alternatives (via text in some context or another) I know my standard of conversation has lowered somewhat, all the more so since lockdown(s).

Good thread. It’s certainly something I think about often.

I was brought up to understand the telephone was for emergency and quick messages only. I only use the phone for that. I meet friends face to face and chat I also support a large group face to face. The rest of the time I email friends and text my partner (we live apart) when we are apart. I am hard of hearing and do not cope on the landline anyway. Speaker on mobile is fine. It works well for me.

Congratulations NanaDana on encapsulating everything I would want to say in a poem!!
HousePlant Queen, I too text to say would you like a chat? There is nothing worse than being in the middle of complex recipe or dying to go to the loo when the phone rings. So text first and await instructions!

Well, what people do or do not do in twenty years time, may very well turn out not to be my concern, as I am 71 now.

I have always disliked phoning people and greatly prefer e-mailing where I can type using all my fingers on both hands, and select a font that is large enough to enable me to see it readily - both difficult to do on a so-called smart phone.

To be honest, I think all this texting is a fad, as is the fact that people are so busy with their online friends as not to have time for seeing others in real life, and that like other fads and fashions, it will die out to some extent again,

Maybe not in our lifetimes though.

And perish the thought that you might pop round to see someone, just on the off-chance!!
Like we used to do.
And we live in an age of so-called progress. I think not.
If this texting malarkey in order to have a phone conversation is the new order then I am not joining it!
If a phone call is inconvenient then say so.
Whatever is the matter with people?

This is all too much. I phone my two sisters once a week and meet up with a coffee group once a week. I also volunteer for the NT. We get lots of people every week from every walk of life and they are all ready to chat. I must admit my daughter doesn't phone and we send emails. My son who is younger loves to come and see us and we have lively debates on different topics.

DH doesn’t do texting so if he has his phone on silent it can be difficult to tell him something urgent when he’s out. We have family WhatsApp groups though and he seems to like those.

It will be much sooner than 20 years I think. Another sad sign of the times really, the trend not to talk and chat face to face. People seem to be scared of it cos they lose control of a 'conversation' I guess.

Any form of communication is better than none. I do chat to people on my walk and neighbours.
I am glad that my ACs text or phone me regularly and I still have long telephone conversations with my sister and friends but not as regularly.
I don't think conversation is dying out. If you heard my GCs in animated chat with their friends you would see that conversation is alive and kicking!

I remember the days when few people owned phones and wrote letters.
I haven’t got a mobile phone and rarely use my landline. I have a few friends left and we do have long telephone conversations.
I use messenger a lot.

It's hortible to see. Daily I see adults out with a baby sitting in a pushchair being totally ignored whilst the adult is reading or doing whatever on the phone. Even folk out with a dog have their phones in front of them just trailing along with the dog. The worst I witnessed was in a playcentre. Two adults sitting at a table, two children kept running back to the table excited to tell the adults about what ever they had been doing and the adults never raised their head to look at the children never mind speak. I didn't see their lips move once. The two children just stood then ran off. Felt so sorry or the two wee girls.

That’s brilliant NanaDana. And very true.

I do not have a mobile phone. My landline phone will not do text. So if people want to speak to me they phone. Except for my sister who emails me.
I have had young people ask how I contact people, they are amazed that I can live and survive without a mobile phone. I spent the first 30 years of my life with no phone of any kind.