To think in 20 years we won't do it any more?

I chat with my daughters, my sister and others on the phone all the time! We occasionally text when we want to draw someone's attention to something or send an attachment/photo. My younger daughter does this most. My son phones once a week or so and the occasional text. Although he DID take the trouble to FaceTime and phone several times this week from Italy where he is on holiday (wonders will never cease!). I guess it is what the people around you do, but in my circle of family and friends, face to face and phone calls are definitely still in use! I would add that I do live very near all these people except my sister and see them regularly so perhaps we just all talk too much!

I’m the same - have switched off landline ringer for that reason. Really dislike calls ‘out of the blue’. Some are dubious/unwanted, putting me on the spot. A colleague (who I never really liked) of my late husband does this - not even announcing himself - as if expecting me to know & be grateful for his call. It’s a kind thought, of course, asking how I am - but an intrusion all the same. I feel as though he’s cornered me! A good friend rings for a long chat - which is fine - but I’ve told her now to just ring my mobile & I message/text her frequently anyway. Family message all the time - I like this because I see news without intruding and can consider reply if needed. An ongoing ‘chat’ but not demanding!

I do use whatsapp quite a lot, but it has disadvantages. Friends of my age respond quickly along with my son but not my daughter. I'll send a message which will be answered some time in the future. She is very busy and I'd prefer to chat. Whenever I ring I get the answer phone, so I ask her to ring me which again is sometime in the future. She generally rings while walking along so I can never hear her clearly. I just have to try to be content with the situation. I sometimes think of dumping whatsapp then she might ring instead.

tickertape

I have never really enjoyed phoning people. I have a bit of a dread of making phone calls, to anyone, even my own children.
Being able to text and chat with people in Whatsapp, etc, has been a boon for me.
I agree that people do seem a bit trance-like now in that they seem welded to their phones. It is a shame.

Good to realise I'm not the only one. I've never liked talking on the 'phone - even to family. Not quite sure why.

I don't like having to make 'official' calls - but manage them OK. What I dislike most is receiving an important call - out of the blue, when I'm not focused on the issue in question.

My GP did this the other day. I'd had blood tests, some of which were abnormal (but expected to be), and she wanted to discuss what she was going to do about possible treatments. I just couldn't focus - couldn't switch off from what I was already doing when she called - and I had someone visiting also at the same time. I wanted to be prepared for the call, and I wasn't. I'd have preferred a text message which I could've absorbed in my own time...

tickertape

I have never really enjoyed phoning people. I have a bit of a dread of making phone calls, to anyone, even my own children.
Being able to text and chat with people in Whatsapp, etc, has been a boon for me.
I agree that people do seem a bit trance-like now in that they seem welded to their phones. It is a shame.

Are you my twin? You've just described exactly how I feel about using the phone! 😂

NanaDana - what a brilliant poem. I really admire your talent. I've tried many times to write poetry but can't do it. I really think you should get this published if you can as it is SO relevant. Fantastic.

No mobile for me, too costly, plus I hear reception is bad. I email.

Our daughters call and leave a message on our land line, or they just show up. Today, Palm Sunday, several emails to make menu, I'd hate that many calls intruding on the quiet.

I text or e-mail and ask if they have time for a chat. One DD does not even have a landline so have to but she is the one who always texts back even if to say she is busy. The other DD I often don't hear from for over a week then I get an accusatory e-mail saying whats up are you ill?
With friends, we e-mail or message and ask if they fancy or I fancy a natter and we set a time to Facetime. My GD likes to facetime on a Friday to tell me about her school week.
I hope I'm here in 20 years my aunt lived until 96 my mother to 86and then it was not an age-related illness that got them so maybe I have a chance.

I would never just phone for a chat without texting first nor would I want others to call me. I like to have a pre-arranged time that suits both parties.

My mother expects everyone to answer the phone whenever she calls and speak for an hour, not possible when working or busy.

I turn my phone off at times just to get a break from it. I am not the emergency services so nobody needs me immediately

NanaDana

Here's one I wrote earlier..
A Lost Art?
I love to meet with friends, and to sit with them and chat,
A rewarding way to pass the time, discussing this and that,
As we set the world to rights that talk’s a favourite occupation,
A chance to join with others in the art of conversation.
But as I look around these days I worry when I see,
So many bad examples of how things have come to be.
Two girls there on the Metro left me feeling quite perplexed,
As they sat next to each other to communicate by text.
Heads pointed down and fingers flying, total introspection,
As they “talked” there to each other, with no meaningful connection.
I’ve seen a family in a pub, all gathered for a meal,
It’s no exaggeration, and to me it seemed surreal,
Both parents and the children, with i-pads in their hand,
They may as well have been apart, all in some distant land,
In separate worlds they surf the net, oblivious of each other,
Just how does that fit in with being a Father or a Mother?
So is it any wonder that when youngsters do speak out,
The noises that they make leave no room for any doubt,
That they’ve lost the use of English, with a sentence all expressed,
With grammar and vocabulary suitably addressed.
No “I was like” and “she was like”, such tortured, mangled speech,
With constant interjections as they struggle there to reach,
For the words to tell their story, in sentences that vary,
With such easy, practiced reference to a wide vocabulary.
I see recorded interviews with people in the street,
A “vox pop” scene from years gone by, with sentences complete,
So very different from today, I sometimes wonder whether,
The person being interviewed can string three words together,
Without “you know” or “kind of like”, or using that ”I mean”,
To fill those yawning gaps where those lost words would once have been.
And even social gatherings work against good conversation,
With some awful, blaring disco blocking all communication,
As you sit and strain to lip-read what your neighbours try to say,
But the decibels still triumph, and those words just fade away,
So you smile and nod, and then give up, another chance is lost,
To communicate with others, and it all comes at a cost.
At heart we’re social animals, and we have the gift of speech,
To serve our complex lifestyles, to help us all to reach,
A proper understanding of what brings us all together,
To cement a lasting friendship takes some concentrated blether.
So I’m making no apologies, and I may be an old fart,
But I mourn for conversation, fast becoming a lost art…

What a wonderful post 'NanaDana', so well written and thought out, but as another poster said, very sad at the same time!

I find the rest of the responses to my question very interesting. It seems that quite a lot of us do like to give advance notice via text or whatever, to check if it's convenient for a chat, which is fine in my opinion, and an improvement on the days where you had to risk getting someone out of the bath. However, I really fear for the future of youngsters that sit next to each other and talk via text, or the kids who stay at home in the holidays, texting their friends, rather than getting up off their bums, going out, and getting some fresh air and exercise. I think that this takes things too far, and they will really struggle to make new friends and long term relationships as time goes by, unless of course this becomes the norm for everyone, as the older generations die out.

One thing that has to some extent surprised me from the responses given, is how many people don't actually like using the phone. This is where video chat can really make a difference in my opinion, as being able to talk to someone who may be on the other side of the world, as if they're literally in the room with you, and without even having to hold a phone to our ear, is a wonderful improvement on the old way of doing things, and surely must be more comfortable for those of you who dislike using the phone, or am I wrong?

One friend will message 'fancy a chat' I let her set the pace as she has a busier life,but I know the conversation can last up to two hours.

Another elderly friend dosent know how to text,her calls can and have lasted up to three hours as she is lonely,I dont answer immediatley,but do call back when I have the time to sit and listen and give my attention to her undistracted,normally same day but depends what time I have.
Son,and Grandaughter,ring and text.
Other friends text/ whats app
Brother rings/texts/ whats apps

Like others, I send a text to say 'In for a chat?' as I would hate to think someone was rolling their eyes as they picked up the 'phone and had to turn off their TV/stop cooking their supper or whatever. Otherwise, with adult children it is various messenger, WhatsApp during the week, and generally a good long chat once or twice a week with DD, and less frequently with DS who works shifts. Having said all this, I spend quite a lot of time directly with local friends, out for a coffee/lunch in the winter and in back gardens drinking cold white wine and putting the world to rights in the summer months; one of my favourite ways to spend an afternoon.

NanaDana

Here's one I wrote earlier..
A Lost Art?
I love to meet with friends, and to sit with them and chat,
A rewarding way to pass the time, discussing this and that,
As we set the world to rights that talk’s a favourite occupation,
A chance to join with others in the art of conversation.
But as I look around these days I worry when I see,
So many bad examples of how things have come to be.
Two girls there on the Metro left me feeling quite perplexed,
As they sat next to each other to communicate by text.
Heads pointed down and fingers flying, total introspection,
As they “talked” there to each other, with no meaningful connection.
I’ve seen a family in a pub, all gathered for a meal,
It’s no exaggeration, and to me it seemed surreal,
Both parents and the children, with i-pads in their hand,
They may as well have been apart, all in some distant land,
In separate worlds they surf the net, oblivious of each other,
Just how does that fit in with being a Father or a Mother?
So is it any wonder that when youngsters do speak out,
The noises that they make leave no room for any doubt,
That they’ve lost the use of English, with a sentence all expressed,
With grammar and vocabulary suitably addressed.
No “I was like” and “she was like”, such tortured, mangled speech,
With constant interjections as they struggle there to reach,
For the words to tell their story, in sentences that vary,
With such easy, practiced reference to a wide vocabulary.
I see recorded interviews with people in the street,
A “vox pop” scene from years gone by, with sentences complete,
So very different from today, I sometimes wonder whether,
The person being interviewed can string three words together,
Without “you know” or “kind of like”, or using that ”I mean”,
To fill those yawning gaps where those lost words would once have been.
And even social gatherings work against good conversation,
With some awful, blaring disco blocking all communication,
As you sit and strain to lip-read what your neighbours try to say,
But the decibels still triumph, and those words just fade away,
So you smile and nod, and then give up, another chance is lost,
To communicate with others, and it all comes at a cost.
At heart we’re social animals, and we have the gift of speech,
To serve our complex lifestyles, to help us all to reach,
A proper understanding of what brings us all together,
To cement a lasting friendship takes some concentrated blether.
So I’m making no apologies, and I may be an old fart,
But I mourn for conversation, fast becoming a lost art…

What a great post!

I like a confirmation text when facts such as dates and times are involved but other than that it's chat every time. Thankfully my friends and family seem to agree on this.

I watched "Race across the world" for the first time yesterday. For those who are unfamiliar with the programme, teams of two have a limited budget, no phone or laptop and they have to travel across large, sometimes quite remote distances to get to the finishing point. With just a map it's obvious that you need local information but some of the participants found it really difficult to talk to strangers, those who did did best and also IMO enriched their experience too. Yes it's really sad, I enjoy a good chat with friends on the phone if I haven't seen them for a while and I'm one of those people who always chat to strangers to while away the time on journeys.

Since lockdown for 2 years I find such a lot of people have got into the habit of texting each other rather than pick up the phone my DD and DS are the only ones who tend to use the landline to check on me daily.
I do PM quite a few virtual friends that I have made over my many years on GN which was a Godsend during Covid.
I can't see losing the art of conversation happening at all everyone needs to hear a human voice at some time or another surely ?

I don't worry that this will happen. People will still be out and about and meeting up. They will use the phone less - already do - but that is fine.

I treasure my whatsapp groups with my DDs and with my friendship group. We wing messages back and forth - and pictures - and have far more contact than we would if we just relied on the phone. I keep in contact with DDs' lives in a way that would have been impossible before.

Not all change is bad!

NanaDana
Brilliant but so sad!
Let’s hope it turns round before it’s too late.☹️

Never text, if I can avoid it. my fingertips are numb after a carpal tunnel operation,

DD and I talk on the phone for hours and even DS and family talk to each other. Phones are items of utility in our family, in all three generations. I am often not sure where mine is and from the time it takes DS to answer phone I think he is the same.

I speak to my children on the phone at least once a week, as well as messenger or WhatsApp. Other family either call me or I them every couple of weeks and I have friends who regularly chat on the phone. So, proper phone calls are still alive here.

I love, and look forward to my weekly gossip on the phone with my eldest daughter. One of the best hours of the week. I also have a rule that I speak on the phone, with my other adult children at least once a month, either they ring me or I telephone them, even my son who admits to disliking talking to people on the phone, make an exception for me.

For a quick and easy message about something I do use messenger or whatsap, but for a 'catch up' nothing replaces the 'phone.

I’m afraid talking to people has always been in the Yorkshire DNA. Striking up casual conversations with strangers is a perfectly natural thing to do, but I think it will probably die out with my children’s generation. I am another who hates phone calls but if I didn’t make them there would be days when I didn’t hear another human voice! My DD is not comfortable on the phone; prefers WhatsApp (even then she often doesn’t respond to messages) but DS can chat for England, fortunately.

I still chat on the phone and text family and friends and use What's app for groups. I would say I am a frequent communicator on all mediums.

Absolutely brilliant and sadly so true.

Here's one I wrote earlier..
A Lost Art?
I love to meet with friends, and to sit with them and chat,
A rewarding way to pass the time, discussing this and that,
As we set the world to rights that talk’s a favourite occupation,
A chance to join with others in the art of conversation.
But as I look around these days I worry when I see,
So many bad examples of how things have come to be.
Two girls there on the Metro left me feeling quite perplexed,
As they sat next to each other to communicate by text.
Heads pointed down and fingers flying, total introspection,
As they “talked” there to each other, with no meaningful connection.
I’ve seen a family in a pub, all gathered for a meal,
It’s no exaggeration, and to me it seemed surreal,
Both parents and the children, with i-pads in their hand,
They may as well have been apart, all in some distant land,
In separate worlds they surf the net, oblivious of each other,
Just how does that fit in with being a Father or a Mother?
So is it any wonder that when youngsters do speak out,
The noises that they make leave no room for any doubt,
That they’ve lost the use of English, with a sentence all expressed,
With grammar and vocabulary suitably addressed.
No “I was like” and “she was like”, such tortured, mangled speech,
With constant interjections as they struggle there to reach,
For the words to tell their story, in sentences that vary,
With such easy, practiced reference to a wide vocabulary.
I see recorded interviews with people in the street,
A “vox pop” scene from years gone by, with sentences complete,
So very different from today, I sometimes wonder whether,
The person being interviewed can string three words together,
Without “you know” or “kind of like”, or using that ”I mean”,
To fill those yawning gaps where those lost words would once have been.
And even social gatherings work against good conversation,
With some awful, blaring disco blocking all communication,
As you sit and strain to lip-read what your neighbours try to say,
But the decibels still triumph, and those words just fade away,
So you smile and nod, and then give up, another chance is lost,
To communicate with others, and it all comes at a cost.
At heart we’re social animals, and we have the gift of speech,
To serve our complex lifestyles, to help us all to reach,
A proper understanding of what brings us all together,
To cement a lasting friendship takes some concentrated blether.
So I’m making no apologies, and I may be an old fart,
But I mourn for conversation, fast becoming a lost art…