How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

I stopped buying presents for the children of one of my sisters as they were never acknowledged . I warned them I would do this if they continued with not acknowledging and then carried it out when the behaviour didn't change.

And put that money in a bank or building society, or an ISA. It is too easy for someone to find out that it is there, and where you keep it.

I always made my children write and say their thank yous for presents given. It was an onerous slog but has paid off in their being grateful and appreciative adults. In consequence we have trusted them enough to give and loan as large sums of money we could afford for cars and homes.

I now have a twelve week old GC and expect her to be reared to be polite too.

Grandparents, many if you have large capital sums (in your houses) to leave when you exit the building. Ensure your children know it will go to the cats’ home if they or their children are abusive.

NanaDana

They returned presents to you? Really? Then the problem isn't just with the Grandkids, the parents are in there too. Frankly, if this happened to me, I'd just stop giving altogether. Use the money to treat yourself, or better yet, tell them that in future you'll be donating it to a Charity, where it will be properly appreciated. You win, the Charity wins, they lose... and maybe even learn a hard lesson in life.

NanaDana I think the idea of giving to charity is a good one.
I would actually do it on the granchildren's behalf and simply give them the acknowledgement of their donation as the gift.
They may not understand exactly what it entails, you can say that seeing they didn't appreciate your last gift you spent the money on their behalf toward a children's charity who will appreciate the thought, the money and the gesture.

Smileless2012

It would I'm sure be more helpful to respond to Agent's OP VS, rather than making assumptions that the relationship with the GC is distant, she doesn't know them well enough and the GC don't seem interested in communicating with her.

When a teenager is rude and ungrateful with a GP, why assume it's the GP's fault?
THIS⬆️

Exactly!

Maremia

Hi Doodledog, my Gdaughter uses 'thx' in Whatsapps, so it is still in vogue.

Thanks (thx ). You live and learn.

I notice that the OP has not come back on any of this. Too much advice/argument? Seven pages of it!

Oh dear

Aw, sweetie, no, I didn't forget to get you a Christmas gift... it's just that I didn't want you to return it, as you did last year. I don't like wasting money. And I won't give you money because that seems so crass.

Aw, honey, I didn't send you any money this year, because I think that last year you were offended that I didn't take the time to choose a present for you, and sent you money instead.

Since they are rude, be rude back - but in a subtle manner.

Summerlove

I agree with some that you should address this with them kindly, but do it face to face, don’t respond via text to scold them, that way lies madness

Exactly

Communicate!

Don't just sit back and think "that's the last thing I am sending you", do something, communicate, find out their likes and interests, chase up those thank yous...

I can throw a good sulk as well as the next person but I know you have to talk things out eventually or the relationship just gets worse

That’s very thoughtless and rude, the parents should really be saying something, not you. I’d be the better person and just continue giving money, expect the short text and try not to let it get to you. It is hurtful and not a nice situation to be in , best of luck

I’m with blondiescot and with OP. How do children learn about manners…by watching and listening to interactions between others and by being corrected when their behaviour is below what’s expected. I’d be inclined to stop yr present giving in the meantime OP until your grandchildren’s manners smarten up.

I agree with some that you should address this with them kindly, but do it face to face, don’t respond via text to scold them, that way lies madness

I usually buy clothes from a list they send me ,that way they get something they like.My middle GD 's clothes for her birthday didn't suit her so she asked to change it .It wasn't a problem ,we all buy things that look different when we get them home and I'd rather they were honest with me than leave something lying unwanted .
Mine all wanted money donated to Mental Health charities last month when they had birthdays ,the donations were made online and I still bought them presents simply because they were so caring of others .

I now give money for birthdays and Xmas presents to my two grandsons.

Trying to guess what and 18 and 20 year old would like present wise is a minefield.

I always get a text thank you back. No doubt prompted by their very conscientious mother. For which I am very grateful.

Despite have five children between us and a “blended” family we have just one grandson, my beloved step/daughters son now coming up to 9 - he’s always polite as constantly prompted to do so by his parents and when is he “rude” if in our home we call it out ! We wouldn’t tolerate rudeness in our own children and won’t accept it from our grandson - despite this we all enjoy good family relationships, I think honestly and openness is the key and explaining to our dear offspring what us and isn’t acceptable to us 😊

Children learn by example and depending on how old they are, this is something their parents should be addressing.
If they are teenagers or older, I see nothing wrong with calmly saying you don’t seem to be choosing presents they like or perhaps they are not receiving them as you never seem to get an acknowledgement, so from now on it will be cards only.
Tough love.

Shocking behaviour from grandchildren. Returning your gifts to them is plain bad manners. I wonder if their behaviour is a recent change or has it always been like this and just got worse? I would stop buying them anything and if they ever asked then just tell them why. Of course this could cause a lot of family disharmony or even a falling out with your daughter which you may not want to face. The alternative is money for every gift and hope for a thank you. Your decision.

Similar thing happens with my GC. Anyway it's just cards from now on.
I have pulled them up, kindly , on cell phone use at meals out and when asked how they are, telling them it's expected that they'll ask after the other person. All accepted with a smile from them.

I thought it wasn't the best or nicest thing to do (returning a gift) but if OP has done it in the past for 1 grandchild, she could of thought she would do the same for her.

My two oldest, young adults now get money, the next three, I buy only exactly what they ask for, only the little one do I still have the pleasure of choosing presents for.

Goodness me, it seems rather harsh to blame the OP. The grandchildren's behaviour is simply not acceptable, you don't return gifts you don't like to the sender!!
What are their parents thinking of letting them behave like that?
Do you see your grandchildren at all?

When my grandchildren were young I got a big list now they are in there teens I give cash and buy something to open ,if cannot be bothered telling me what they want so be it

PoppyBlue

Just read a few of your old posts, you said you'd returned a present that your grandson (I think?) didn't like and you'd give him the money instead?
Maybe she thought you'd do the same with her?

I'd take your DDs advice on board and not buy them anything as she was right, they won't like it. Give them the money instead and they can buy something they want.

Children are awkward to buy for when they get older.

I remember the old posts but didn't know if I was allowed to mention them

Think I advised giving something that any child likes like sweets to open and some money on top

Things haven't improved