How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

I have experienced my monetary gifts being ignored by my nieces and nephews. This goes back to when they were children and their parents did not even say thanks on their behalf. As young adults they did not thank me for their wedding gifts. I can’t get replies to invites to family events like weddings , Christenings, Ruby Weddings and their cousins 40 th that were all catered events so end up paying for their food. I have tried and tried. I’m always blanked so I’m not even going to ask about them now. Sure as eggs they won’t come to my funeral or their uncles. I do feel sad about it but I must get over myself!

Just read a few of your old posts, you said you'd returned a present that your grandson (I think?) didn't like and you'd give him the money instead?
Maybe she thought you'd do the same with her?

I'd take your DDs advice on board and not buy them anything as she was right, they won't like it. Give them the money instead and they can buy something they want.

Children are awkward to buy for when they get older.

Your post has saddened me. As a new grandmother I wonder if my granddaughter will react the same way when she’s a teenager. You mentioned grandchildren - do they all behave the same way? Do you have more than one child? Just wondering what the family dynamics are.

Easy to say, don’t buy anymore presents.
I did that with my nieces, because I was sick of never getting an acknowledgement, or my brother bothering with my children, something would usually turn up eventually, but obviously no thought at all had gone into it.
I regret it now, it seems childish behaviour on my part.

Hurtful for you OP. I think I'd say I was stumped as to what to buy them so could they choose from, for example, the goat, chicken, loo, water etc offered as gifts by Oxfam (other charities exist 🤣). Choose the amount you want to spend and they can then at least realise actions have consequences and that others would appreciate your generosity a lot more.

Don’t send any more. Tell them you are not prepared to tolerate their uncivil behaviour.

Fae1

A present given to somebody is not a promise to use it or wear it

We see this issue in handmade items all the time - they are not appreciated as expected by the giver

It's all in the upbringing. My daughter in law has never thanked me for a gift and often gave away gifts I sent my grandchildren when they were small if she didn't like them. I enjoy knitting and have made countless jumpers / cardis for my grandchildren that they never got to wear. Extremely hurtful and disrespectful. Finally I've stopped giving. Their loss.

Op says gc are routinely rude to her

What other instances are there?

The presents could just be the tip of the iceberg

We always ask what they would like for their birthdays, so sorry to hear that your gc are routinely rude to you! Just because they are teenagers there is never a reason to be rude. Our Ac wouldn’t allow rudeness. I wouldn’t be sending them anything!

I am not convinced that gifts have been returned, simply because most teenagers couldn't be ar*ed to go to the Post Office and would have a fit at the cost ! So,if as is likely, the unwanted gifts have been discarded into the bottom of a wardrobe, how do you know? Who told you?

Stop giving anything to the ungrateful little sods!

i would not give them either presents or money if parents ask why tell them the truth about how upsetting you find their rudeness if they don't like it then its their own fault

That must be really hurtful. To return the gifts is beyond rude. What are the parents doing to allow this? I would speak to them about it... both adults and kids, say you feel hurt and also let the kids know that if they continue to act they way they are, ie no acknowledgement or thanks, you won't be giving them anything more. If the parents aren't teaching them manners maybe this will.

But I would never buy an actual present for them unless you have asked them what they want. They are VERY fussy these days and it's money down the drain otherwise.

Many kids these days have 'wish lists' on Amazon... you could get something from there. Also perhaps phone them up and have a conversation about what they would like. That is contact that should be a nice thing. If they are rude just say you'll put the phone down.

We always ask the AC what the GC would like for birthdays and Christmas - mostly they opt for the cash to put towards something they're saving for. We either get a text message or often a letter of thanks from everyone of them and we encouraged the exact behaviour when the AC were growing upon. Manners cost nothing - being ill mannered will cost them dearly.

So sorry to hear how they’ve treated you. Teenagers or not there’s no need for rudeness. My DD would never allow my GDs to spk to me like that or treat me that way. If it was me I’d definitely stop sending them anything it just teaches them it’s ok to treat you like that.

The reason children are rude and don't appreciate what they are given is because people pander to them. Therefore they don't learn. Hopefully when they have children of their own they will realise how rude and thankful they have been.

Easy no thank you…no gift!

….buying for teenagers isn’t difficult if you take an all round interest in thier doings and goings on . If that fails …ASK!!

Maremia

Hi Doodledog, my Gdaughter uses 'thx' in Whatsapps, so it is still in vogue.

Nothing wrong with this if it is part of a proper message. On its own, it is very rude, teenager or not- vogue or no vogue.

I’m not a grandparent yet, but my children actually write thank you letters so will expect that tradition to be passed on through to their children if and when they have them. Not only is it just good manners but showing gratitude is something we should all do more.

Well my grandson was 16 yesterday and my son-in-law sent me a Video text of him opening the first of the quite inexpensive little presents I bought for him….he knows my financial circumstances have changed drastically lately. There he was sitting crossed legged on the sofa opening pressie number one , that looked like a belated calendar in shape…. and from under his new hoodie , his face lit up as he saw what I’d got him …a metal Anfield Road sign for his bedroom( Liverpool FC fan) ..it cost £9 …and he was ecstatic and threw himself at the phone that was filming , and kissed the screen. I have never had one moment of rudeness from either of them and not one time when they failed to thank me ….yesterday he did forget , but his reaction said it all!! I do not understand your grandchildren’s upbringing g that has allowed them to be rude to a grandparent…. being a teenager is no excuse. I’m sorry you’ve been so hurt …💐

My grandchildren and from 14 to 24 years old. Ever since they stopped wanting toys, I have always asked them what they would like for Birthdays and Xmas and offered a fixed amount of money instead if that's what they wanted. Prior to that I always either knew what they were into or asked their mothers. They have always either said thank you or text me thanks. Not tks. I blame their parents, sorry if this upsets you but I do.

I always ask the parents what they'd like - or just send a voucher (via email) so that they can choose for themselves.

I don't expect a formal thank you letter or phone call (those we were made to do as children - and resented) as we're much more relaxed and casual these days.

I often think that presents are more about the giver, anyway, as we all have so much now. I give because I want to - but there's never any obligation!

They’d be getting vouchers for useful things (Eg book tokens, stationery, Boots etc) till they were 18 if they’d rudely returned my presents!