How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

VioletSky

Are you being guided by what I have said or others interpretations?

Please worry about your own behaviour before judging me

Is this addressed to me?

As I’ve quoted you, be assured I’m guided entirely by what you’ve said. Yes, it is causing me to judge you. I’ve tried to appreciate that the impression you’ve given does not match your intention but you’re still coming back fighting, aren’t you?

I’m totally calm but you don’t seem to be.

I haven't meant to upset anyone

If OP is upset I'll apologise and explain

I'm pretty upset now if that counts for anything

Are you being guided by what I have said or others interpretations?

Please worry about your own behaviour before judging me

I didn't notice the OP specifically asking for advice/help Violetsky. Sometimes it's best to keep our thoughts/opinions to ourselves.

Thank you Hermother. You’ve echoed my thoughts.

That's a very fair post Nannagarra.

Total pile on Seems to happen to you quite a lot doesn't it? But there's a big difference in being different and being plain downright rude which you have been to several people, including the OP on here. That's why posters have taken the time and trouble to kindly point that out to you. Be kind.

You might well be trying to help OP but you haven’t come over well.

Sassanach512

VS time to get the glass of vino out and put your feet up, let the dust settle eh? tomorrow is another day

I'll settle for rum 😊

I've told people before I'm not neurotypical and don't mean to come accross badly or be misunderstood

I'm giving my genuine advice and trying to help

Not interested in reciprocating the nastiness

I’m not the kind of person who piles on. Being different is wonderful; being unkind isn’t.
If you don’t like me quoting back what you’ve written, I’d advise you to be more thoughtful in future. End of.

VS time to get the glass of vino out and put your feet up, let the dust settle eh? tomorrow is another day

One of my cousins had a granddaughter who she brought on holiday with her. The girl was a brat and 12 years old. One afternoon it was arranged that 7 members of the family go out for afternoon tea. The child had to come and threw one almighty temper tantrum. I had arranged to meet the other members of the family at the arranged hotel. After waiting for an hour I left. Their excuse, said granddaughter was having a wobbly. If she had been on holiday with me I would have torn a strip off her and blown the consequences. My cousin however always takes the line of least resistance and her family treat her like a cash cow. I would not want to be popular but as I am the adult and the child the child I think reading the riot act is well within my rights rather than tolerating a brat.

Total pile on

Yammy

I just want to give my advice and move on

I'm not starting any arguments only defending from statements directed at me or quoting me

I literally doing nothing except being different

“ It's always the same names on every thread” - you don’t often see my name on these threads, do you, VS?

I feel compelled to respond to your unpleasant insinuations, your value judgements of the OP: “You don't seem to know them well enough”…” The days of giving respect to get respect are here” (are you suggesting Agent isn’t respectful of her DGC?)…” Expecting a level of respect from children just for being an adult is wrong” (OP did not suggest this).

“I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone”. Well my son and DiL wouldn’t agree with you.
“ I haven't been at all hard on the OP”. Oh, I think you have.

I’ve been in your shoes, OP. One never said thank you, the other disdainfully pushed an unopened present out of her way, overlooked it and left without it.
One year the former bemoaned others’ ingratitude at her generosity. When I joined in the conversation - the irony of the situation highly apparent to those around us - she became even more enthusiastic yet still the penny didn’t drop. Her mother silently and knowingly observed, having given up herself.
🤷‍♀️
Whilst I haven’t had this situation as a grandmother, the advice from PP to put £10 in a card seems wise.

Allsorts spot on 👍

Agent007. How very hurtful and so rude. I really cannot understand how any GC could be so ungracious having received a gift from his/her grandparents. We are very fortunate to be grandparents to 4 girls and 2 boys. It becomes a little difficult to choose birthday and Christmas gifts, which we really would like them to enjoy and appreciate. So, the GCs make lists and we then liaise with other family members so thee are no duplications. It seems to work and they all send notes of thanks. It’s how I brought up my own children. I think VS you are on a different planet. C’est la vie!

VioletSky

I haven't reported anything

But that comment breaks guidelines too Yammy

I'm just a person, and not a bad one, stop creating monsters

Which guidelines we don't get a chance to answer you back. w You take up 50% of the posts telling us where we are all going wrong and what a marvellous life we would lead if we follow life advice according to VS. Who is to say you are right when the majority of us disagree with your theories?
If this goes I give up. I am not creating monsters and don't accuse me of doing so if you think I am then they are your thoughts not mine.

I don't think anyone is defending rude behaviour

But as adults we should be able to respond well to it

mumofmadboys

I think it's best to carry on giving gifts and ignore the rude behaviour. Hopefully they will learn good manners in the future but don't make it your job to teach them as you may jeopardise your relationship. If the family give you gifts you can say thank you in their hearing without making a big thing of it.

I agree with you.

rafichagran, I completely agree with you. I was brought up to believe that a present wasn't really yours until you had said thank you for it, and passed that sentiment on to my own children. Respect may go two ways, but as I said in an earlier response, manners cost nothing, and it's simply good manners and courtesy to thank someone for a gift (even if you didn't like it!).

Respect goes 2 ways

Give and you shall receive

Rudeness or trying to disengage from yet another unwanted argument?

I know the right answer

One thing I have learned is respond don't react

A response would be explaining that feelings were hurt and saying that you would like to make sure they enjoy your gifts in future but would appreciate a thank you

A reaction would be not sending gifts in future

So did I maddy as well as untrue.

mumofmadboys

I think it's best to carry on giving gifts and ignore the rude behaviour. Hopefully they will learn good manners in the future but don't make it your job to teach them as you may jeopardise your relationship. If the family give you gifts you can say thank you in their hearing without making a big thing of it.

This

You can tell by the response of certain posters that they don’t know the meaning of respect, one person even saying there must be a problem with the grandparent for not having a good relationship with their loved grandchildren. They don’t know the circumstances. Parent lead the way as to how much access grandparents have to their grandchildren, there are a lot of embittered controlling mothers.
Agent, you are quite rightly upset by such bad manners, why don’t you ring the child and ask what she meant. We don’t give to receive but common courtesy doesn’t hurt. I cannot understand the poster who says they expect no acknowledgement, their gifts. As if anyone would year after year would send money without a simple acknowledgement in return. They obviously don’t need anything so give it to the NSPC.