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AIBU

American visitor

(100 Posts)
seadragon Thu 25-May-23 11:56:18

Crivvens! Awkward......! My Scottish mum had an English cousin of my dad's to stay with us. They'd never previously met. The woman treated her as a servant so after a couple of days mum threw her out. She was never mentioned again. I was 15 at the time and remember being very impressed by mum's "Wha daur meddle wi me?" attitude.....

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 25-May-23 11:53:49

By whom?

lyleLyle Thu 25-May-23 11:52:46

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SueDonim Thu 25-May-23 11:51:26

My son has been married to a lovely American woman for over 20 years so we’ve spent a lot of time with people from the US. Whilst Americans are more - open, shall we say - I’ve certainly never come across anyone such as you’re describing, Stillwaters.

*Notspaghetti’s idea is a good one, I hope peace is soon restored to your home.

downtoearth Thu 25-May-23 11:45:29

Could you invent cold sores or an infectious skin condition that she could catch through,I was going to say sharing,but its more like helping herself,flipping cheek

Tenko Thu 25-May-23 11:44:03

She’s rude and overstepping boundaries. Especially opening a new pot . I’d tell her that you’re very prone to cold sores and that using your stuff is very unhygienic . That should put her off !!! .
I’ve shared flats when much younger and would never use someone else’s stuff . Or though I’ve shared with girls who do . One flatmate would put aline on a bottle of expensive shampoo due to suspecting that another flatmate was using it .

Sparklefizz Thu 25-May-23 11:18:28

To be honest I think Meghan feels insulted by every little thing, but I remember the lip balm incident.

Foxygloves Thu 25-May-23 11:11:26

I seem to recall an anecdote telling how Meghan felt insulted/excluded because Catherine wouldn’t lend her her lip balm.
Perhaps it is a US thing. hmm

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 25-May-23 11:08:01

Sharing some things, such as lip balm, is downright unhygienic. She sounds like a child with no boundaries. Very rude. For me this friendship would be over.

Calendargirl Thu 25-May-23 11:06:59

She sounds ghastly.

First (and last) visit I think.

Theexwife Thu 25-May-23 11:02:44

You never really know someone until you share a bathroom.

I would not assume that the whole of the USA is selfish, there are people like your ‘friend’ everywhere.

I hope the visit ends before it ends your friendship.

Stillwaters Thu 25-May-23 10:56:25

Siope

It’s not because she’s American.

You shouldn’t have to hide stuff in your own home. Tell her to leave your things alone or to find a hotel.

I don't think I should either!

I think we're probably going to look for an early flight home.

FlexibleFriend Thu 25-May-23 10:51:03

I think you're being very accommodating by saying she doesn't know how to use things so she took a big scoop, she's 72 not 7. She's taking the piss and it's not acceptable. Don't be surprised if when she leaves some of your stuff disappears too.

Sparklefizz Thu 25-May-23 10:17:22

Ps. Don't tell her you're "happy to share". It's not on. If this is the first time she's visited, I would suggest you don't know her very well and her behaviour shows she's not a true friend.

Sparklefizz Thu 25-May-23 10:16:03

I think this is extremely bad manners and rude, never mind where she comes from. She has definitely overstepped the mark. You will have to be very clear that she is not to touch your clothes or cosmetics, and if she's going to sulk over it, then you need to tell her to go to a hotel.

aggie Thu 25-May-23 10:01:08

I wouldn’t use anyone else’s potions , especially cosmetics!
I’m lucky that my en-suite can’t be accessed by visitors

NotSpaghetti Thu 25-May-23 09:55:59

I suppose you could say "in the UK we don't usually..." then it seems that you are assuming she is normal for America but UK is different. I realise you don't think that but it's maybe an easy way round your current problems!

Curtaintwitcher Thu 25-May-23 09:50:01

Has she always behaved this way or has it started recently? If the latter, perhaps at 72 her mental faculties are in decline.

Bella23 Thu 25-May-23 09:49:50

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Siope Thu 25-May-23 09:47:27

It’s not because she’s American.

You shouldn’t have to hide stuff in your own home. Tell her to leave your things alone or to find a hotel.

Stillwaters Thu 25-May-23 09:43:55

Yes, I've gently said that we wouldn't do that and I'm happy to share but please ask - she's taken offence, so yes I've hidden my stuff.

And I've just discovered that, despite there being 4 open pots of lip balm in the bathroom by the sink, she's opened the Neals Yard lip balm that was over on the side, that I was giving as a gift to a friend 😕

Poppyred Thu 25-May-23 09:29:29

She sounds very forward! I would let her know how you feel.

pascal30 Thu 25-May-23 09:28:59

Just ask her not to use your products unless she asks first..

JackyB Thu 25-May-23 09:27:37

Sounds very odd. And a bit difficult to approach her about. Perhaps you could surreptitiously hide your things, at least the cosmetics. Clothes I shouldn't worry about, although she doesn't really have any right to rummage.

I'm sure it's not because she's American, just some quirk of her upbringing.

Stillwaters Thu 25-May-23 09:22:05

I'm British (64F), living in the UK - I have an American girlfriend (72 and has always lived in the U.S) staying with me for the first time at the moment - I've known her for about 4 years and am fairly good friends with her, but don't know her that well.

I'm quite surprised at the lack of boundaries and I don't know if this is just her, or whether this sort of thing is normal in America, or maybe it's me? Things like going through my clothes, using and messing up some of my make up (I've put this right and I'dve been happy to share and show how to use it - it's the not asking that's upset me). Likewise the incredibly expensive facial cleanser that was a gift to me (expensive to me - I'm on a limited income and take care of my stuff) - she has her own facial products with her. This pot would last me a year because you only need a tiny amount - she's taken a huge scoop out of it - probably 1/4 of the pot, again because she didn't know how to use it.
AIBU?