Is it too little to just ask…..

Men can often do this and make a big deal out of a chore so next time you will find it easier to do yourself. I would give him a list of what needs clearing and tell him to memorise it for every time OR when he asks, throw questions back at him, “Tell me what you put away yesterday?” Then as he says each item, say “Yes” … when he has listed them all you can say, “There you go, you do know without me having to tell you. Let’s do better tomorrow and, if not, we will just keep practicing!”

Well of course it can be avoidance, but I agree that for some people, spelling out is necessary.
When I had 4 teenage boys with a rota of chores, I drew up an exhaustive list, clipped in a prominent place.
"dust" =
clear the table =
clean the bathroom =
So when it was their turn to "clean the bathroom" they had a list to consult.
Eventually it sank in!

I have a sort of dyspraxia - the left / right and anti/clockwise kind. I genuinely cannot remember which way something should turn - however many times I do it. I put stickers on things or use a mnemonic. L / R is slightly better as I write Right-handed and hold my Left hand up to make an L. But when driving / navigating under stress I often get it wrong. It infuriates me!!!

M0nica

DS has ADD (ADHD without the hyperactivity) and this would be the sort of thing he would do, or rather, in his case, he would put a couple of items away and leave the rest, or move them from the table and put them on another surface but not where they are meant to go.

Curiously he find this behaviour in him as frustrating as anyone else.

ADD & ADHD, apparently it's all the same these days!
I'm ADD, without the hyperactivity, but am constantly being told it's ADHD, lol.

Oopsadaisy1

Put the condiments on a tray, then just say

Please take the tray out.

Job done.

Of course you can always use a large tray, stick everything else on it as well and then the whole table is cleared!

In my house this would result in the condiments being moved from tray to table and the tray being taken into the kitchen - I kid you not!

Many years ago I was travelling in and out of London every day. OH had a rare weekday off. I rang him as I left the office to ask him to put pre-prepared meal into the oven.
I arrived home later, tired, hungry and ready for my tea. He had done exactly as I asked. I hadn't asked him to switch the oven on.
We have both learned to ask questions and give precise requests!

AugustDay

The term for this is “weaponized incompetence” or “strategic incompetence” and it’s definitely a way of avoiding doing a task. Of course he knows how to clear the table, as others have pointed out even a child could do it. It could be sub-conscious, but that’s almost just as bad, because he’s probably never HAD to think of how to clear up, the house just gets tidy and he doesn’t think of how that happens, and doesn’t appreciate the work it takes.

www.care.com/c/what-is-weaponized-incompetence/

My husband does this too, so sometimes I like to pretend not to know how to so something basic right back at him to make my point and make him laugh. “Dinner? What’s that? I’ve never heard of it. You’ll have to make it”. “What are these things? Cutlery! I’ve never seen them before, wow. Could you cut my food up for me? I just don’t know how”. Yes it’s petty, but so it pretending (or not bothering) to clear the table properly because your wife will do it for you.

My DH used computers when he was at work, programming river flow and doing all sorts of complicated techy things that no mere mortal could manage. However now he has retired he refuses to use a mobile phone or a computer, pretends to have trouble using the address book and menus on the landline and all sorts of irritating day to day trivia.
His banking still has to be done in the branch, including paying in and transfers, so today I've bought him a mobile phone and he'll join the 21st century tomorrow.

Forsythia

Our condiments are on a tray on the table, they stay there, everything else goes away or in the dishwasher. My DH does this without difficulty. His job is clearing away and loading the dishwasher anyway after I’ve cooked the meal.

My DH is a gem, he lays and clears the table and loads the dishwasher.
He doesn't cook, he just can't do more than one thing at once so a meal would have to be delivered one food at a time. He did manage to do a chop and jacket potato in the airfryer the other night (I microwaved the potato first) as they could both cook at the same time, so I have hope!

Beechnut excellent - I shall start today!

Yes, 2507C0 clean napkins in the morning each day. Sorry you find it unpleasant but it works for us. They are linen napkins - not serviettes (which would not be very nice I feel) - they are hot-washed. It seems reasonable to me. We don't use each-others!!

If we have guests for dinner obviously everyone has a clean one!

Do other napkin-users really have one for each meal/snack in a day?
If so, what is the point of personal napkin rings?

Just curious.

I would just do it myself, less hassle.

Im an ex-academic and I loath housework because its repetetive, boring and a waste of my abilities. It takes up time that I could use in my business to earn money.

I have a maxim - if a thing doesnt bring me money or enjoyment I dont do it.

Thats why I have a cleaner, a gardner and a handy person.

I don't agree that academics have no common sense. What we call common sense, is, in fact, just years of observation and experience. They just lack motivation or believe it's a job for someone else. (Yes, I count myself as an academic.)

I have noticed, though, that my sons were very skilled at deliberately doing things so badly that you'd never be likely to ask them again. Once they had their own places, they'd suddenly aim for perfection instead.

Onset of dementia?

67 is far too old to have been let get away with such nonsense.

Iam64 I am with you 100% on this - clever people avoid doing anything boring by looking and behaving in a helpless manner; then the gullible take over and 'help'. I no longer fall for this one - but it's taken a very long time!

Siope

Can intelligent academic women suffer from this strange common-sense/housework related affliction? #askingformyself

Yes they can, according to a story my daughter told me 🤣

My hubbie is like that, his job was very technical, but he has no common sense around the house . I have to be very specific if I ask him to do anything, I think its ploy by men, so they don't get asked to help around the house 😂

When we first married my dh who is not an academic, didn’t know much about cooking cleaning washing up etc but we both worked full time fir the first 8 years so I expected weceoukd share the chores.
It took a while and a lot of patience, and I never took the ‘ ‘don’t worry I can do it quicker myself’ view that most of my friends did so we soldiered on until he got the hang of everything that needed doing.
I was forever being told by friends how lucky I was, but it was more my much tried patience and refusal to give in only to end up doing it all ( as they had).
He is a much better cook than I am and now cooks most meals.hurrah, he enjoys it, I never have.

The term for this is “weaponized incompetence” or “strategic incompetence” and it’s definitely a way of avoiding doing a task. Of course he knows how to clear the table, as others have pointed out even a child could do it. It could be sub-conscious, but that’s almost just as bad, because he’s probably never HAD to think of how to clear up, the house just gets tidy and he doesn’t think of how that happens, and doesn’t appreciate the work it takes.

www.care.com/c/what-is-weaponized-incompetence/

My husband does this too, so sometimes I like to pretend not to know how to so something basic right back at him to make my point and make him laugh. “Dinner? What’s that? I’ve never heard of it. You’ll have to make it”. “What are these things? Cutlery! I’ve never seen them before, wow. Could you cut my food up for me? I just don’t know how”. Yes it’s petty, but so it pretending (or not bothering) to clear the table properly because your wife will do it for you.

Don’t you mean too much to ask ?

husband doesn't notice that I fold his napkin between meals.
We used to use rings and he'd put his away happily but now the children are grown and gone (taking napkin rings with ghem) there are only two of us. I tend to just fold mine.
His sits in a heap as it would in a restaurant. I fold it and I don't think it's noticed.
The main thing I took from this is that you use the same napkin repeatedly? Same napkin for several meals?
Each to their own but reading this gave me the ick 🤢

I genuinely think that men and women are just wired differently. DH is quite helpful at home and has certainly picked up the slack for me when I am having health problems. But I have to give him specific instructions. I leave things at the bottom of the stairs if they need to go up, he will walk past them every time. It simply doesn’t occur to him. Good job I love him dearly. Way I think about it, he puts up with my foibles, so I put up with his 😂

It doesn’t sound as if the OP is being played to me, but a genuine request to know which items to clear and which to leave.Prob for the best to ask him to clear all items bar the tablecloth as Allsorts says.

Been there got the tee shirt I think you might be being played. The other alternative might be everything is put in the wrong place. It’s a ploy frequently also used fore emptying a dish washer or putting shopping away. Bit like a truculent teenager

My very academic husband manages to clear the table without any guidance. As others have said, it's a way of not being asked to do something again

Can intelligent academic women suffer from this strange common-sense/housework related affliction? #askingformyself