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AIBU

Am I being unwoke?

(118 Posts)
nandad Wed 21-Jun-23 08:26:17

I have started volunteering for a large local charity. I’ve had a few emails from various people and noticed that below their names they have stated their preferred pronoun. Happy to go along with that, however, they are now asking all staff and volunteers to attend an Equality and Inclusivity course around unconscious bias. Up until I received the email I felt that the charity put its service users at the forefront of its values, now I’m not so sure. They have a lot of volunteers, 100+ plus 35+ paid staff, so to do this training must be costing the charity a huge amount of money. Now I’m not so sure about volunteering with them. Is this how other charities work?

BTW - I have been told that I am woke, so it’s not that I have a problem with the subject more that I feel that their emphasis isn’t on the service user.

NanaDana Wed 21-Jun-23 11:14:27

At the risk of using a rather hackneyed phrase, "haven't they got something more useful to spend their money on?" As regards the concept of actually needing to be trained in "Equality and Inclusivity", I would find that personally insulting, as I would argue that the vast majority of us naturally develop such awareness as we reach adulthood, and hone our social skills accordingly. Yes, some don't, and those few may need some corrective input, but to wield the expensive broad brush and to routinely apply such so-called training to everyone seems both unnecessary and wasteful of precious charity funds. Total overkill IMHO.

Franbern Wed 21-Jun-23 11:21:15

I do not understand the objection to attending a training course which may or may not be interesting and useful. We should all be open to learning and advancing our knowledge.

Sadly, it is those who think they know it all -(in any subject) who are usually incorrect.

Having someone on the team who has a disability, and/or with a different skin colour may make the team diverse, but does not mean that team members really understand a lot about diversity.

Take pride in being open to newer knowledge and ideas and keep on learning.

Skullduggery Wed 21-Jun-23 11:25:43

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NanaDana Wed 21-Jun-23 11:28:16

Franbern

I do not understand the objection to attending a training course which may or may not be interesting and useful. We should all be open to learning and advancing our knowledge.

Sadly, it is those who think they know it all -(in any subject) who are usually incorrect.

Having someone on the team who has a disability, and/or with a different skin colour may make the team diverse, but does not mean that team members really understand a lot about diversity.

Take pride in being open to newer knowledge and ideas and keep on learning.

No, I most certainly do not "know it all", Franbern... but then again, neither do you... It's quite simply a matter of different opinions, so no actual need for patronising put-downs.. Social skills? We should all most definitely keep on learning..

Blondiescot Wed 21-Jun-23 11:28:30

Theexwife

If someone sued the company for discrimination of any sort the company can prove their employees, paid and voluntary, have been on a training course therefore it would be down to the person/people involved and not the company.

This, exactly. I worked for a charity and this was what was explained to us in great detail. It was also the case that, when applying for certain grant funding, we had to show evidence that all staff and volunteers had undergone similar training in order to meet the grant criteria.

Hithere Wed 21-Jun-23 11:40:03

My view on gender has nothing to do with this

If I volunteer, I look for associations that match my values - clearly it is not he case here

Many times, charities in the US get a lot of things and events discounted or for free - not sure if it is the case in the UK

LRavenscroft Wed 21-Jun-23 11:42:28

If people are not happy with he or she, then why not just use they? When I did my OU course 25 years ago they were asking us to use 'they' then so as not to cause offense.

aggie Wed 21-Jun-23 11:46:44

I always think of ‘ they ‘ as plural , as I was taught, it isn’t that easy .
Anyway I would use a persons name most of the time ,
It’s easier to say

Cambia Wed 21-Jun-23 11:49:38

And this is why I won’t support the big charities!! Money that should go the people that need it gets spent on ridiculous training courses etc.
I now only support local charities where no one is paid and they are literally there to help others and not themselves!

missdeke Wed 21-Jun-23 11:52:55

aggie

I always think of ‘ they ‘ as plural , as I was taught, it isn’t that easy .
Anyway I would use a persons name most of the time ,
It’s easier to say

Exactly. It goes against correct grammar and I find it very difficult. I have no problem with anybody not wishing to be assigned male or female pronouns but I do wish they had chosen one that is clearly wrong.

Blondiescot Wed 21-Jun-23 12:11:11

Cambia

And this is why I won’t support the big charities!! Money that should go the people that need it gets spent on ridiculous training courses etc.
I now only support local charities where no one is paid and they are literally there to help others and not themselves!

It's not just big charities though - the one I worked for was a very local organisation supporting families in my local area, but we still had to do this to meet certain funding criteria.

win Wed 21-Jun-23 12:15:05

I volunteer for a major organisation being commissioned by our LA and in turn by the Government, we all have to do the Equality and Inclusiveness course

Only a couple of days someone asked me "when are you going back home?" I hesitated as I am from another country, which few know, not an ethnic one, I am just very suntanned!!

Dickens Wed 21-Jun-23 12:16:30

NanaDana

Franbern

I do not understand the objection to attending a training course which may or may not be interesting and useful. We should all be open to learning and advancing our knowledge.

Sadly, it is those who think they know it all -(in any subject) who are usually incorrect.

Having someone on the team who has a disability, and/or with a different skin colour may make the team diverse, but does not mean that team members really understand a lot about diversity.

Take pride in being open to newer knowledge and ideas and keep on learning.

No, I most certainly do not "know it all", Franbern... but then again, neither do you... It's quite simply a matter of different opinions, so no actual need for patronising put-downs.. Social skills? We should all most definitely keep on learning..

Having someone on the team who has a disability, and/or with a different skin colour may make the team diverse, but does not mean that team members really understand a lot about diversity.

And no amount of training will inspire anyone who doesn't have either the compassion to recognise that a disability is life-altering, nor the wit to understand that sympathising with someone who experiences prejudice because of their skin colour, cannot match the actual experience of those who suffer it.

If you treat every human being with dignity and respect and acknowledge their differences from our own as being of equal importance, then you will not hurt anyone.

NanaDana Wed 21-Jun-23 12:37:11

Well said, Dickens. In my own case, I have a Daughter who is very happily married to a husband of West African origin, 2 gorgeous mixed race Grandchildren, plus a nephew with cerebral palsy, a cousin who is high on the Autism spectrum, and an openly gay and very happily married neighbour, who is also a dear friend, and has been for many years. I don't find this at all unusual, and suspect that many out there have a similar social mix amongst family and friends. I don't feel the need for some outside agency to tell me about the importance of Equality and Inclusivity. It's already a reality which is at the forefront of my daily life. I suspect that this also applies to many others. Real life is by far the best learning environment.

foxie48 Wed 21-Jun-23 12:41:56

My late MIL was 101 when she died, she was a kind, well mannered person and would never knowingly say or do anything that would make another person uncomfortable. However, she did struggle with using the correct current language in certain situations and it was good to see her grandchildren, who are very quick to react to other members of our extended family who have not kept up to date (so to speak), not jumping to correct her. MIL did voluntary work pretty much all her life only stopping her "meals on wheels" round when she realised she was older than any of her clients. I sometimes wonder how "inclusive" we really are and how effective equal opportunity type training really is. I was heavily involved in "multicultural education training" in the late 80s/90's. I actually shudder when I think about it, it was actually not only totally useless I think it was actually detrimental in many respects but I knew no better!

Witzend Wed 21-Jun-23 12:46:50

LRavenscroft

If people are not happy with he or she, then why not just use they? When I did my OU course 25 years ago they were asking us to use 'they' then so as not to cause offense.

I did half a dozen OU courses at around the same time, and don’t recall anything of the sort. And I’m sure I’d remember. Maybe it depended to some extent on what courses you were doing - mine were mostly Classical studies and English Lit. I can imagine that any social science courses might have been different.

Hithere Wed 21-Jun-23 12:48:10

Win

Perfect example of microagression

Sorry you had to go through that

Dickens Wed 21-Jun-23 12:54:17

NanaDana

Well said, Dickens. In my own case, I have a Daughter who is very happily married to a husband of West African origin, 2 gorgeous mixed race Grandchildren, plus a nephew with cerebral palsy, a cousin who is high on the Autism spectrum, and an openly gay and very happily married neighbour, who is also a dear friend, and has been for many years. I don't find this at all unusual, and suspect that many out there have a similar social mix amongst family and friends. I don't feel the need for some outside agency to tell me about the importance of Equality and Inclusivity. It's already a reality which is at the forefront of my daily life. I suspect that this also applies to many others. Real life is by far the best learning environment.

Quite NanaDana

It appears not to be recognised that many of us are actually living a life which is already inclusive and diverse!

Judging by posts on GN - the diversity of society is quite well understood, acknowledged... and being lived within the family environment.

Nannarose Wed 21-Jun-23 12:58:07

I think it can all be useful - you don't know until you attend.
I agree that simply being part of a diverse family or team doesn't necessarily mean that you are 'inclusive'. No-one is perfect - not you, your team, management, or the course tutors. I assume everyone is doing their best.
You don't say the nature of the course; it may be that you have something to offer that will help other attendees.

As to how well the money is spent, well you, other volunteers & donors must make up your own minds. I only donate to charities that I think are effective & efficient (whilst recognising that no-one's perfect!)

I think that attending the course is different from some folk adding their pronouns to their emails & information. Personally, I welcome it - there are many names (my own given name included) that don't indicate gender / preferred form of address.

And my school taught us 60+ years ago, to use 'they' if we did not know someone's sex / gender. I think it had a 'political' element - in those days, not making assumptions that all bosses / professionals were male. So we were encouraged to say "The doctor is arriving today. I don't know what time they will arrive".

MayBee70 Wed 21-Jun-23 12:59:18

aggie

I always think of ‘ they ‘ as plural , as I was taught, it isn’t that easy .
Anyway I would use a persons name most of the time ,
It’s easier to say

That’s my problem: my brain can’t visualise one person as ‘they’. And I’m sure my mum used to refer to the use of ‘they’ as being rude ie ‘who’s ‘they’, the cat’s mother’? I think young people can grasp the concept easier: I’ll ask my grandsons.

Smileless2012 Wed 21-Jun-23 13:04:53

Great posts Dickens. "It appears not to be recognised that many of us are actually living a life which is already inclusive and diverse!" exactly.

Mokeswife Wed 21-Jun-23 13:16:23

It is often necessary for charities to ensure training for their staff and volunteers in order to receive some of the grants, allowances, etc they apply for - therefore it probably has been costed into grant applications

Musicgirl Wed 21-Jun-23 13:16:27

I.think most of us were brought up at a time when we were told that the feelings of others were paramount and always had to be considered all times. Politeness and good manners were seen as vital and surely most of us try to adhere to this principle. I am sure everyone is guilty of unconscious bias at some point or another but, I hope, try to rectify it once we realise this.
I do think that the world has gone mad with the woke agenda that is being forced on us at every turn. As ever, the minority are intolerant of the majority who are told that they/we are intolerant, even though we are trying our best. Take the self-identification moment and the two thirteen year olds who were shouted at by their teacher for not recognising another member of the class as the cat they were self-identifying as. Apparently, self-identifying as a cat is becoming quite a trend. Only yesterday, a pupil who had just finished A levels told me that several students at her sixth form college identify in this way and when their names are read out in the register acknowledge themselves with miaow! Madness.

win Wed 21-Jun-23 13:17:38

Thank you Hi there
The course it not all about how or why we should all be inclusive. It is more to do with us asking how a person wishes to be addressed and how they see themself before we presume something different. It is a minefield to be honest and some of it, is for most of us very difficult to get our heads around. Some will say it is just common sense and kindness but I goes way beyond that. Look at the teachers in schools how they are struggling, even in nurseries now. It gets more and more complicated each day as we go on. We did our course on line so apart from the tutor fee there was no expense involved. Is that what you will be doing Nandad?

win Wed 21-Jun-23 13:19:35

Musicgirls you posted before I did but with the same mindset.