to be fed up with casual ageism?

I agree with many PP’s to just kindly say you can manage or accept help as a gift horse especially carrying bags or assisting with large items. If we don’t make use of these assistants they will be gone for good. They will lose their jobs and people that really need help won’t be able to get it IMO.

We bought some beer in Asda last night and the assistant laughingly said 'Do I need to ask for ID?'. I just said 'Oh please do. It would make my day'. My DH said to me afterwards 'How b****y patronising'. I told him she was only trying to be nice. She said when she said it to a woman once, the woman said 'Grow up'.

When I say a machine is stupid I mean it is badly set up/programmed.

When I presented my loyalty card in my supermarket and it pinged straight away the assistant said "well done!"
These things just amuse me. I am not offended at all.
I think in some supermarkets the assistants have some training to look out for dementia sufferers.

kittylester

The bit I thought was ageist was saying 'I'll help if you get in a mess'. She didn't say that to the younger person who came in.

Totally wrong to assume that, because I'm older, I don't understand technology.

I must have been looking particularly rough.

The machines are stupid so it's very easy to "get in a mess". I often do and it's nothing to do with my age or my ability to work machines. Thr machines go wrong a lot.

The last time I used one (two days ago), it wanted me to take the milk I'd just put in my bag out again even though it was on my bill. I did what it said and it charged me again. I called Friendly Bloke over and he said "Next time it tells you to take something out that it has charge you for, just ignore it."

He also showed me the "help" button which would mean I didn't have to go over to the cigarette counter where he works to tell him the bloody machine was playing up again.

I have needed his help multiple times. People like him who give help know that the machines are primitive (roll on AI. I say!) and give daft orders, etc, etc, etc.

It's not ageism.

JackyB have a lovely trip.
How nice to come back for a while.

Anybody who wishes to assist me in a supermarket is very welcome. I cause chaos anyway at self checkouts as I am left handed and always start with the bag on the wrong side, then have to change it and the machine doesn't like it. This has nothing to do with age although I suppose if they had been around when I was young I would be better trained.

NO IT ISNT that’s up to store security

In 5 yrs I have never looked out for thieving, customers are fickle, you see one struggling with packing, offer to help “ oh thank you so much”, the next one, a very short “NO I’m perfectly able”.
It’s all part of the job you shrug it off.

I often think these assistants look bored, I’m sure their primary function is to watch for shoplifting.
I only use the self service in the small M&S local, it’s fine, until they update the software, so slow last time the assistant came over and was complaining about it.

The bit I thought was ageist was saying 'I'll help if you get in a mess'. She didn't say that to the younger person who came in.

Totally wrong to assume that, because I'm older, I don't understand technology.

I must have been looking particularly rough.

Lots of shoppers need help a self service checkouts, then if they have alcohol or other restricted items they have to be authorized, it’s not ageism it’s being helpful.

I just get everything delivered - and have done for decades - so, if I do use a shop machine, I might actually need some help. I wouldn't assume that help's offered because of my age, though

I’d do anything to avoid using one but would ask for help and would be quite happy for the assistant to take over completely 👍

I am grey and have wrinkles but have never been talked down to or patronised. However, there is not much technology to contend with here in Germany. Yesterday I had to pick our car up and had a perfectly normal conversation with the young chappie who did the work.

When I was still working, I was the one people came to to be shown how the system worked.

Perhaps I will notice this ageism when I come over to the UK. (Am so thrilled to be coming back next week for the first time since the pandemic)

I think OP is saying that it wasn’t an offer to help which could have been politely refused but an assistant completely taking over.
I have had the same experience in said shop so know exactly how she felt.
I think we are all happy to accept help when necessary but it is the way it is offered.

I generally see being offered help as a positive, and if not needed I just politely say: "Thanks anyway, but I'm fine". It's certainly better than being ignored, and let's face it, ANY interaction with another human being in these days of rampaging automation is most welcome.

I’m glad that they actually saw me! Always pleased to have an offer of help, they are doing their best.

Last time I was in Venice (5 years ago) at a small supermarket I was looking at some items which had no price tags on them. An assistant popped up and told me in excellent English that they had to be weighed individually and then I had to stick the resulting price tag on them in order to check them out. She was obviously used to assisting tourists but I was glad of her help in explaining the system. It was in an area with lots of self catering appartments so I'm sure she was equally helpful to (obvious) tourists of all ages.

Been to London today and once more I was offered a seat on train and underground. People are kind and I appreciate it. I am old and I don’t see kindness as an insult. Our modern world needs all the consideration for others it can get as we isolate ourselves behind phones etc.

I’ve never noticed they are particularly ageist . However, yesterday I flashed a loyalty card on my phone to a young bloke and he commented that ‘even he’ hadn’t worked out how to do that ! I felt like saying he must be a bit thick then !

cornergran 😂

You sound like me.
I seem to cause chaos wherever I go (unintentionally).

I’m odd I think. Heading for the self service tills in Waitrose for the first time I was pleased to see two staff members stationed there. New to me tills usually ends in disaster. I checked with one where the trolley should go as I’ve been known to confuse things by putting scanned shopping where the unscanned should be. She asked did I need any further help, hearing me say I didn’t think so off she went to help someone else. All went well until one item wasn’t recognised. The second assistant appeared, commented in the daft nature of the tills and sorted it in a second. There was no hint that it might be operator (my) error. I was pleased both were there to smooth my path. It didn’t occur to me they were on the look out for mature folk.

Ageism can be directed to anybody

The distrust of a person having the proper skills for the job as he/she is perceived as "too young"

When I taught IT, an elderly lady said she found it difficult. I said she'd made good progress anyway - and was sharply told off for being patronising! Some people just look for insults.

I actually ask delivery people to lift boxes inside the house now.
We have a large step up into the house and for years people have been ringing the bell and leaving heavy parcels on the doormat in the porch.

Today a very nice driver lifted in my 20 kilo bags of flour no problem!
Thank you!

I suppose they may now ask the next older person they deliver to if they need help - and that person may be miffed about it.

My mother-in-law, in her 70s and early 80s didn't like people standing up for her on tubes and busses.
10 years later she was pleased about it!

My local Morrisons has a lovely woman helping everyone in the self service corral. She buzzes around pressing buttons here and there at the same time greeting regulars and never makes you feel daft if you’re having trouble convincing the ‘voice’ you really have placed your item in the bagging area. I often wonder if she walks away muttering, ‘Silly old bat!’ under her breath. 😂