Gransnet forums


to be fed up with casual ageism?

(185 Posts)
kittylester Thu 13-Jul-23 17:01:07

I was in our local, small Waitrose this afternoon. In common with lots of other stores, most of the checkouts have gone and been replaced by self service checkouts. As I entered the area, the hovering assistant said, 'No need to worry, I'll help you!' and proceeded to talk me through each step of the way.

I took great delight in using my phone to pay!!

Seems to be a training need there.

NotSpaghetti Thu 13-Jul-23 17:04:04

I loathe those checkouts!
They will often open a new manned checkout if you ask.

NotSpaghetti Thu 13-Jul-23 17:05:19

Sorry. I see this is about ageism.

rafichagran Thu 13-Jul-23 17:10:04

Kitty as you said this is a training need.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 17:10:54

I’m always grateful for friendliness and offers of help even if not needed. I never consider such offers to be ageist - don’t look the gift horse in the mouth!

Wyllow3 Thu 13-Jul-23 17:16:28


I’m always grateful for friendliness and offers of help even if not needed. I never consider such offers to be ageist - don’t look the gift horse in the mouth!

I like it, its a kindness needed or not.
Big smile - "I'm fine with it thanks"

And thankful for offers of carrying to car etc whether or not needed.

For all we know, the assistant has been required to ask those of us a bit older or have disabilities if we'd like a hand to avoid struggling and frustration and feeling inadequate?

henetha Thu 13-Jul-23 17:17:08

Perhaps she was just being kind.
I love offers of help.

MerylStreep Thu 13-Jul-23 17:19:25

Should have gone to ASDA. They don’t have greeters there 😂

toscalily Thu 13-Jul-23 17:20:29

This person has probably been instructed to stand there and help anyone, busy mum, time poor office worker, older person, younger person, someone whose first language is not English. No doubt all on camera so if they don't help will be pulled up for not doing their job. Just smile and say " I can manage thank you"

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 17:24:05

Absolutely Wyllow and toscalily.

Kate1949 Thu 13-Jul-23 17:24:37

Sheila Hancock was on Loose Women this week. She has written a book about things that annoy her. She is 90. She looks great, is slim and fit looking. She said she is fed up of practically being patted on the head. She said the people from Loose Women asked her if she would be bringing a carer with her and when she was directed out to join the panel she was told "Don't worry, there are no steps.'

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 17:24:51

And henetha, sorry to miss you out!

henetha Thu 13-Jul-23 17:25:53

That's ok GSM....😊

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 17:27:51

Given SH’s age I don’t think those are unusual questions, maybe from staff responsible for looking after her who aren’t familiar with her. She’s not exactly your typical 90 year old.

Kate1949 Thu 13-Jul-23 17:30:57

True. And she is promoting a book.

toscalily Thu 13-Jul-23 17:32:25

I'm just as liable to say "mind the step" or something similar to one of my grandchildren smile

AreWeThereYet Thu 13-Jul-23 17:35:20

In Sainsbury last week the woman at the scanner next to us kept leaning over and asking us how to do things. I felt a bit sorry for her because she was obviously having a lot of difficulty. I asked her if I could help and she nearly bit my nose off with a very astringent 'I can manage perfectly well'. We left her to it and for all I know she's still there trying to scan her six items and blaming the machine for not working properly. The day is approaching I think when no one will offer help anymore.

dragonfly46 Thu 13-Jul-23 19:32:39

Oh kitty I know exactly what you mean. There is a women in M&S - you probably know her - who rushes up and takes over, often getting it wrong.

kittylester Thu 13-Jul-23 19:38:40

Yep, I do know her!!

Foxygloves Thu 13-Jul-23 19:40:12

Sometimes you have to larf though
I was explaining to an assistant , probably in her 50’s in M&S why I didn’t like driving to the Bletchley store, between ourselves it’s not an area I’m comfortable in sometimes, but in case she lived there and I didn’t want to be rude, I explained it was because of the rather intimidating big roundabouts.
“Oh but you are good, still driving” she gushed.
No doubt kindly meant, but how old did she think I was?
I regularly drive to Birmingham (M1, M6 and A38) London, (M1, M25, M11 then North Circular) And it’s not that many years since I drove to Wilmslow only stopping in Holmes Chapel because I got completely lost.😳

Baggs Thu 13-Jul-23 19:43:00

I like self service checkouts. Initially it was because I dislike the rushed feeling I nearly always got at standard checkouts (I'm a careful packer because I mind about stuff not getting squashed, etc).

Then it became a bit of a game. You have to remember these machines are not intelligent so you can get to know their quirks and beat them at their game. There is a bloke working at our supermarket (Co-op) who gets this and laughs with me when I say to the machine woman: "Give me a chance!" or "Do be quiet."

Just think how boring a job "hovering assistant" must be, Kitty! Positively mind-numbing. He/she probably just wanted to feel human again. Plus, for all we know, there may be instructions from on high to offer help readily, like with boutique shop assistants kindly making sure you're alright when you just want to browse and wish she'd go away.

I doubt it's ageism.

sodapop Thu 13-Jul-23 19:45:18

I just get fed up with ageist terminology.
The Elderly
Old Dear

And so on, I am an older woman not some strange ancient species to be patronised.
I definitely don't need "Ah bless you" when I perform a simple task.

biglouis Thu 13-Jul-23 19:54:16

Or when the taxi driver offers to carry my bag to the door although I can perfectly well manage. I will accept all the help that is offered. My grandmother would probably say that it was the difference between a lady and a woman to accept graciously.

M0nica Thu 13-Jul-23 20:05:23

I have no objection to people asking me if I want help, but if I say 'no thank you' I expect them to go away and help someone else, not hover round me ready to interfere at the first sign of the slightest hesitation.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 20:06:32

Quite. Wise lady your grandmother. She probably had breeding?