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Friends childs birthday party

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Summerloving Mon 24-Jul-23 13:26:29

Hello

I have a situation that I dont know how to handle.

I have decided to distance myself from my best friend of 13 years. I feel she is a user and we (her group of friends) have found out that she chats about us all.

For example, she moans to my other friends about a group we go to. My timekeeping isnt great but I live alone and own a dog and live 15 miles away. So going to this group is a real rush for me. Me also not going doesnt affect her in anyway, other friends also go.

She had a problem at me meeting her and my other friend in a city (as my bf lives close by and offered to look after my dog while I went and offered to give me lifts). I agreed. She spoke about me to my friend that she thought it was cheeky I didnt travel with them. She also took the mood and didnt speak to me when I left 30 minutes before they did.

She also always maanges to always make you pay for things. Oh can you pop my drink on your card, can you get this and I will get the next, and she never pays back or gets the next one.

She always tells me that we are drifting apart as we dont spend time together but she didnt care that I was going through a lengthy divorce, had to move house and took full ownership of my dog.

I have asked her for her availability and she always says she will let me know and doesnt. she then messages me the day before plans and asks if I can attend, which I can't, I will often have plans or need notice.

Her little girl has a birthday party coming up. Me and my other close friend have decided to distance from her for a bit, not to completely stop talking. My friend is now workng and I dont know what to do. I dont want to go to a kids party alone. However, I moved home two weeks ago and my friend said nothing, didnt ask how I was getting on, if I needed a hand, anything. She then messaged me and asked how the move went, after I asked, she then asked if I could help her paint her childs room and help with party decorations. I felt that she only asked so she could ask a favour.

I dont want to go and know she will probably not speak to me - then again, thatll just go to the list of things that make her a shit friend.

What would you do?

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rockgran Mon 24-Jul-23 13:30:37

I had a friend a bit like that and I ended the friendship. I never regretted it. If you feel used and resentful it's just not worth it.

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62Granny Mon 24-Jul-23 13:34:52

She does sound like a user tbh, does she expect you to help with the party is that why you have been invited? Whether you should go all depends on if you think her daughter would be disappointed by you not being there or if you don't particularly have a relationship with her daughter I would just say you are not available that day, but hopefully they will all enjoy.

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grandtanteJE65 Mon 24-Jul-23 13:34:58

I would drop her without a second thought, if all you say about her is true, which I assume it is.

The only other alternative is to tell her to pay her own way, as you cannot afford to pay for her drinks, coffee or whatever, but that doesn't solve the other problems, does it?

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Germanshepherdsmum Mon 24-Jul-23 13:36:17

I would drop her. Not worth the effort. Just say you can’t help paint the child’s room, do the decorations or go to the party, having just moved house you’re very busy. Which I imagine you are.

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Summerloving Mon 24-Jul-23 13:40:11

I am very busy and nearly fell off my seat when she asked if I could help decorate her childs room. I said no that I had my OWN rooms to decorate. She also has a husband may I add.

I feel bad as we are close friends but she has been texting my other friend saying she cant wait for her to be at the party and only said to me about the party when she wanted my to help out.

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Summerloving Mon 24-Jul-23 13:41:26

I dont want to completely drop her as our other friends are just distancing thereself right now and we are part of a bigger group. I dont want to make the group feel awkward or to completely stop speaking to her and then have her attend nights out etc.

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Summerloving Mon 24-Jul-23 13:42:11

If she wasnt part of the our friendship group, I would have dropped her years ago.

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Shellie80 Mon 24-Jul-23 15:27:53

I don’t think I’d be continuing with this friendship personally!

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dogsmother Mon 24-Jul-23 15:33:43

You can be more gentle, just not be available for her. The key is learning to say no.

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Septimia Mon 24-Jul-23 15:54:58

Don't go to the party, don't help with the decorating - for the reasons others have suggested. If appropriate, send the child a card and a present to show that you're not ignoring her.

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Mamasperspective Wed 26-Jul-23 09:52:58

Ok so I am a FIRM believer that you always match effort with effort. If someone is generous (not necessarily financially, also with time and effort towards you) then match that energy and be the same with them. If, however, someone is displaying toxic behaviour and bringing negative energy to the table, back off, protect your peace and move on. Just because you have known someone for a long time, it does not mean you have any obligation towards them if they are treating you poorly. Put your focus and energy into those that will lift you up, not those that will drag you down.

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Poppyred Wed 26-Jul-23 10:42:02

Puzzled as to why you keep referring to her as your best friend? Best friends don’t behave as she does. Say no to her demands….just smile and wave.

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