AIBU To Say No

It's not unreasonable to say 'no', though it feels upsetting to do so.
Better 'no' than 'yes' and putting your own security at risk.

Just be honest and tell her you are not in a financial postion to
be able to do that.

Moonwatcher 1904 - you did the right thing. Your daughter may have ADHD but that doesn't preclude her from getting a job that brings her a salary/wage. And it doesn't exonerate her from sending nasty messages or kicking off when things don't go her way. I have every sympathy with people who are neurodivergent, I see many as clients, but neurodivergence is no excuse for emotional blackmail and if you play into that your other daughter will hold that against you. Maybe you could suggest to your daughter that she rents a room in a larger house and that might not require a big deposit upfront. If she doesn't want to consider that then it's obvious that she wants to live above her means - always a problem for those who are called upon to make that happen. I'm not being unsupportive here but it does seem as though you've been there for her before and for quite a long time, and she's come to expect this.

No, a million times no.

The OP has explained that she can’t afford to lose the money she might be called on to pay. On what basis do you ‘imagine’ the daughter has always paid her rent? She has a chequered employment history and evidently no references to satisfy a landlord. Don’t guilt trip the OP, who has rightly already said No. Your ‘advice’ is reckless in the extreme.

Say yes
I know this is against what everyone else is writing. But you can have a good credit rating and still need a a guarantor.
She needs somewhere to live. It’s so bad for health to be sofa surfing. I imagine she has always payed her rent. Many people who have are homeless.
It’s not their fault they homeless.
If your homeless your so vulnerable. It can happen to anyone and it will effect your physical and mental health
Help your daughter

Deep down they are still our babies!

If your DD can’t get a flat because of them insisting on a guarantor, then maybe she could look at a house of multiple occupation . They very have en suite rooms and are cheaper than a flat and at least she would have a roof over her head .

Unless you can afford the risk you have to say no, unpaid rent can be thousands before someone is evicted and as guarantor the landlord could come after you for unpaid rent. X

Argh, wretched automatic typing. Forgive horrible grammar errors etc etc etc 😂

You Are Not Being Unreasonable. I go with Blue Belle on this, if you can't afford to lose it you can't afford the risk, plus the accompanying worry. However, as BB says, finding other ways if supporting her are so worthwhile for you both. Feelings of guilt assuaged, plus real potential to assist her in her quest for an independent and good life. I hope she makes a go of her next steps and that you never feel you should choose sides between your daughter's, you love them both so that's all you need to say.

JennyCee

What does Yanbu mean? Excuse my ignorance

You Are Not Being Unreasonable

What does Yanbu mean? Excuse my ignorance

If you can’t afford payments if she don’t pay rent, you aren’t able to be a guarantor. So just tell
Her you don’t have a high enough income to do it. Also if you don’t want to then say no, she sounds like she will fall out with you at some point regardless of saying yes or no… it’s so difficult as our kids get older having to pussy foot around them for fear of them not talking to us or cutting us off… good luck it’s difficult situation

Did some googling:

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/how_to_find_landlords_who_accept_benefits

Apparently you can get guarantor insurance, heard about it on mumsnet where parents are asked for their student children's accommodation.

Please say no, we did do this for our DD and lost the money!!, so when DS asked we said no and when told him the reason why he kicked off saying he's not DD blah blah... I felt sorry for DS but no the lesson was learnt for us

Is your daughter on benefits? This may be the road to go down?

As a cautionary tale, many years ago my middle stepson asked me to be a guarantor. Before I could have given it any serious consideration (I would have almost certainly said no tbh) I was made redundant. My relationship with him was not close (unlike his brothers) and I had big reservations. As I was made redundant obviously I could no longer act as a guarantor. Thank goodness. They managed to persuade another family member. Defaulted on the rent. Did not tell the family member and the first thing they knew was when the money went out of their account. I don’t think they ever got the money back. I think you have made the right decision in saying no.

You are absolutely right to say no. I think there are some charities who might be able to help her find a way out - possibly mental health ones. And Citizen's Advice might help too.

Never agree to act as a guarantor without taking legal advice. Even the death of the person whose potential debt you’re underwriting won’t release you if they die without repaying it.

“AT that time” not “A that time."

I agreed to be a Guarantor for my daughter and her partner for a rented flat. Relationship at the time was good but, a couple of years later, she became angry with me and stopped contact.
I decided to check my position should a claim be made under the Guarantor agreement.
A that time, I learnt that unless she and her landlord agreed to release me, I could not cancel it.
I had dreadful thoughts that she might run up loads of debt and I might lose my home. Luckily, she and her partner moved to another property.
But the anxiety in the meantime was not good.
I would not recommend going down that route without checking all the “What ifs?"

GrannyGravy13

If you can afford to lose the money go ahead with being a guarantor if not you have to say no.

This, definitely.

Just say no.