To feel annoyance that D turns down bargain baby clothes

Well done OP for seeing the problem as pointed out by posters. I have a suspicion I'm in for this in the future - I know enough of my DS and wife not to buy first or second hand clothes with Disney, slogans, or pink/blue for girl/boy or anything synthetic but I'm sure it's still a minefield so I'm leaving them to it. They are great at hunting down bargains so I'll just give money.

As someone who deals in antiques (which is simply a posh way of describing second hand items which are over 100 years old) the attitude towards pre-used has changed massively even in the last few years. There is no longer any stigma about buying second user. Indeep many younger people are turning against fast fashion because of the resources it consumes.

This also applies to "brown" furniture because now many people are realising how sturdy and well made it is compared with mass produced rubbish.

However not everyone share these conservationalis views and there is also the element of taste. If a second user item does not appeal aesthetically then no amount of argument will make it so. Some mums just want "new" for their babies. I dont understand this because babies dont know what they are wearing but there is is!

Just let it go .

It isn't worth worrying about .

If they want to buy clothes that they can't really afford - let them .

I've been through it over and over again .

A couple of days ago , my son was regretting buying a house in an expensive area then talked about another area which was a bargain at the time .

Now those properties have doubled .

I recall trying to persuade him just to have a look and was blanked .

So now he's stuck in a small garden flat and could have had a nice big house and rented out the spare rooms for extra income .

I’d be surprised if this only applies to me. I have 3 DDs and a DIL. I have nothing to do with any of the clothes my GCs wear. I have sometimes bought gift cards from shops I know they like and would help out financially if necessary. I don’t always like how they dress their children but wouldn’t dream of saying so. I leave them to their own devices unless advice is asked for. If I came by some items I would ask before giving them and would gracefully accept if they say no.

DiL regularly comes home with charity shop stuff, so there is both no problem but no need.

She's part of a group that organises local clothes "swaps". it started with school uniforms around the local primary school, but went on to become general.

People donate clothes and others just give what they can afford to take them away - . super idea.

I learned my lesson when my GS was about two. I was out with him for the day when the weather turned chilly. He was wearing a thin T-shirt so I popped into a charity shop and bought him a nice little jacket to keep him warm. My DD was horrified. I have never bought him an item of clothing since. I agree with the poster who said you can't please some people. Now I only ever offer money towards something.

Chardy

A pregnant family friend gave all her girl clothes to a mum (friend of a friend of a friend!) expecting a multiple birth, as she was expecting a boy, and had no intention of buying anything. Recycling mums had already given/promised clothes, toys and a non-pink buggy!
Thirty years ago I passed my baby stuff to my sister, because I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone by implying they needed 'hand-me-downs'. Now it seems quite normal between friends, acquaintances and friends of friends.

It's fine IF the parents want used. Also fine IF parents want new.

If they want to select their own brand new items - well, it's much like brown furniture, many don't want it at all.

A pregnant family friend gave all her girl clothes to a mum (friend of a friend of a friend!) expecting a multiple birth, as she was expecting a boy, and had no intention of buying anything. Recycling mums had already given/promised clothes, toys and a non-pink buggy!
Thirty years ago I passed my baby stuff to my sister, because I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone by implying they needed 'hand-me-downs'. Now it seems quite normal between friends, acquaintances and friends of friends.

Chardy I think baby clothes have always been passed on. I wore passed on clothes as a child, I passed on clothes and DC wore passed on clothes, as did DGC and their parents.

I do not think there is anything recent about it. Small children have always worn passed-ons because they are usually too young to object, or their objections can be over ruled and, as you say, children grow out of clothes so quickly.When very young DD managed to grow out of a winter coat bought in the July sales, with room to grow, before the winter even started.

As friends of my children have babies, I am both surprised and delighted that so many put their children in donated or recycled clothes. A lot of these clothes have never been worn because baby grew so quickly. All part of the Green 2020s

Your daughter may well be buying clothes from charity shops that she can chose herself.

When I was young, eldest of 4, my mum made shirts and blouses for all of us. She made dresses and skirts for my sister and I but I doubt that she made trousers for the boys, even when they were little.She also knotted sweaters and cardigans for us. I don't know how she found the time as she was a good cook and baked a lot.

At least she’s being honest enough to tell you she doesn’t want them, her choice her baby!

Try 'Vinted'. There are some great bargains on there that are brand new and still have tags attached!!
If this is your daughters first child, encourage her to keep some favoured items safe in case of another child in the future!
I can understand some of her reticence after all we've been through with the pandemic!!

I think the point is that they are hard up, currently using OPs car, there are holiday issues and no doubt OP just wanted to help.

There used to be an expression rarely heard now of ‘cutting ones cloth ( according to ones means) . To younger grans who may not have heard of this is if you don’t have the money don’t overspend. There’s also another, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

We had to cut our cloth and never did look a gift horse in the mouth. What was passed on to us was always appreciated.

It may just be that they are not to her taste and that you have different tastes to her? I know my MIL has sent stuff over before that I thought was hideous ... as people have different tastes for their own clothes, they will have different views on what baby will look nice in too.

Well how i read this is you were trying to help and what on earth is wrong with that !!!

Ok she doesn't like them, her perogative, but what stands out from your post is ... helping them.

Both DDs get stuff second hand and DD1 gives bag of clothes to DD2 when DGS1 grows out of things. DD2 has just changed DGS2 clothes to next size with one of the bags. I wouldn't do it for them though I do buy toys sometimes on FB. They do that themselves too. She probably has set ideas on clothes though and may well use specific types eg one of DDs friends only likes Scandi type clothes.

What a shame, I do understand how you feel but if she had given the children their present early there would be nothing on Christmas Day and she wouldn’t have been there to see their pleasure.
Difficult isn’t it.

MIL had only 1 son born at the start of WW2, she was thrilled when I gave her 2 lovely GDs 3 years apart. DH & I were not well off as we had lost 50% of our income when I had to give up work during the 1st pregnancy, but the girls were always well dressed as I sewed/knitted many of their clothes, using fabric bought in charity shops (1 'adult sized posh frock' easily made 2 child sized party dresses, a large man's shirt became 2 pairs of dungarees and so on.
However, every Christmas, on Christmas Day, MIL gifted them matching, very expensive Party frocks and posh winter coats, with the expectation that they would be worn on Christmas day. Of course all the Christmas parties (Playgroup, Sunday school etc.) had passed and in November I had already bought Winter Coats for them so apart from visits to Granny, these items were never worn.

This is all nearly 50 years ago but as you can tell, still rankles to this day.

Sorry. That wasn't meant to be rude "the discussion is very much finished"

I just meant the OP had been back.

But the discussion is very much finished. As said earlier, the OP has graciously thought about it and sees there are different aspects to this.

Everyone agrees (I think) that this came from a good place.
And the "pay half" is a thing I've offered myself (for other things) to my strong and fiercely independent children... The difference is saying - if you find something up to £x I'd love to pay half. #mytreat

silverlining48
If you think all baby clothes are the same I honestly don't think uou have been looking at them recently.
This is not trying to be disrespectful to you but there are huge differences in styles.

Just searched for baby girls outfits:

lullabylanebabyshop.com/collections/girls-clothes

www.polarnopyret.co.uk/collections/0-1years-new-arrivals?nav=&pf_opt_uk_size=9-12m

www.laranjinha.com/en/baby/baby-girl/see-it-all_307-224.html?p=3

www.next.co.uk/shop/gender-newborngirls-0?p=1#0

Not exactly a gift. Think Op was just trying to be helpful.

You bought her an unsolicited gift and then asked her to pay half for it? ..... hmmmm ......

I would have been fine with it. 38 nearly new items fir £10 what’s not to like.
No I appreciated anything I was given because the mortgage (18% interest) had to be paid.