Expecting grandchildren to tidy toys.

Just this, really

It looks like you provide them with toys at your house. If they had to bring their own they would probably take them home leaving you less to worry about. Have you got a dish washer? I find with people in the house that before I sit down to a meal I put everything in that is lying around and press the quick cycle regardless of how full it is. this means its ready to unstack after the meal and then one can reload with the crockery and cutlery used at table quite quickly. I have an Amazon subscription for the dishwasher tablets as I cannot afford to run out.

I have plastic table cloths and give a cursory wipe. My family brought home a take away Indian meal and this they served in the boxes directly on the plastic cloth not on a tray. As a result the spices stained the plastic cloth. I did then have a go getting it off with a mix of bio laundry liquid and Vanish powder. It did drip on the floor tiles and bleach them a bit. However the cloth is fine!!! The tiles do not show up anylonger.

My son`s and d/in-laws tell the g/children to help g/ma and tidy up after you have finished playing.
So it has never been an issue.
If i were you,i would tell them what toys you get out you must put back.

retiredlady anything that’s spilled or marked on the furniture or floor is just left

Easy solution to that one bit, imo. We don't eat or drink except at the kitchen or dining room table. I lay the table for meals, we eat sitting in chairs, napkins on laps - perhaps a 'rule' might help.

If their home isn't a permanent tip, then they are taking advantage of you and slipping back into child mode when with you. This means it just doesn't occur to them to help unless told to.

If you can't bring yourself to confront your son, then the only other alternative is A MIGRAINE!! Or other illness of choice. Preferably around mid-morning you have to take to your bed. And stay there. A stash of biscuits in the bedside drawer may be necessary. Do not recover until you smell dinner cooking.

Have you tried making a game of it? Our grandkids have races who can collect the most red blocks etc. They also have individual jobs; one to lay the table etc. They know the table has to be cleared of toys when we eat. I also make a really big point of praising them to the hilt and thanking them and they are delighted to be praised. Grandson has only just turned 7 and very proudly came downstairs to tell me not only had he made his bed, he’d made his sister’s bed too. I was straight up with them a while back and told them that I had been poorly and it would really help me if they could help. They are little stars and I think it’s because I make such a big thing of thanking them and praising them. It’s so easy to focus on bad behaviour and not remark on positive. I think we’re all guilty of it from time to time. Good luck

When my daughter and her three children were living with us, my husband used to say he couldn’t wait for her to get her own place.
Because he was going to go around and chuck all the cushions and throws on the floor, then he was going to get every toy out and leave them everywhere, he was going to turn on every television at full volume, and then sit in a corner with his headphones on, playing games.
Finally, he’d manage to use about ten glasses in a morning, and leave them dotted around the house.then leave, leaving all the lights on, and the door unlocked.

We adore seeing our children and grandchildren but we have created a lovely home for two people. It is open plan, we are in our mid-seventies and find that we get tired more quickly these days. One of our children and spouse and children live a three hour drive away. Likewise if we go to them they have three bedrooms and teenage children of different genders. So basically their routines are disrupted when we stay there. So we have found a solution that suits us all. There is a lovely house just about 50 yards from them that has a lovely self-contained wing. We stay there and it is lovely. We all have our privacy. We are early risers so we have breakfast and read the papers and we see them around 11am. So we are not under their feet in the morning. When they come to us they book into a Premier Inn and they have somewhere to leave their stuff. They have breakfast there and arrive at our house around 11am with everyone already showered and our house does not get too untidy. It is all very civilised and stress-free. Our other child, spouse and grandchildren only live about 12 miles away so there is no need for us to stay at each other's houses. They all go home by early/mid evening, by which time we are tired and ready for some quiet time. We all have quality rather than quantity time together, we never fall out. I totally recommend it.

Busy lives?? I'd describe them as lazy and selfish with the adult behaviour being adopted by the children.
Do you ever visit and stay with them? Think I'd be going out if ny way to make a mess and then leave them to it to clear up once I'd left.

All the paints etc that they have left out, put in a box and put it in the loft - all of it. Next time they come and they ask to paint, say "We can't, the paints went in the loft/attic" if they ask why, "Because you left everything out last time for Grandma to clear up and I was really tired because the house was a mess so I just threw it all in a box and now it's up in the loft/attic" ... make your point.

If they ask to play anything, make it on the condition that they tidy up after themselves.

I found it best to turn it into a game.

Some children love helping and tidying up, others not so much.
But they all like to be first or best so using those tactics can work.

my 4 year old gs comes to visit, he has a small box of toys and a couple of piggy banks he plays with, when mum or dad say it is time to get ready for home he puts everything away, when he was younger he would bring a clean nappy and the wet wipes and then put the dirty nappy in the bin, he has learned from his parents that rubbish goes in the bin and his dirty washing goes in the basket, he is autistic and likes things in some sort of order so this was a good way to help him. speak to the adults and tell them you are not running after them and the gc, if they don't like it tell them to stay at a hotel.

Just had my 2 g-children (6&4) to stay for a week. They know they need to tidy up before evening meal but do need reminding in good time. ‘We’ then agree who is doing what by age /ability then dinner is served when they have finished. Grannie does anything beyond their skills.
Get the odd grumble/groan but always comply. We sing as we do it & have the odd dance etc with grannie making them laugh.

You want to work in my nursery the kids look at you and shrug and walk away!

The children must learn what 'no' means. They will find it hard to understand that you mean business, but if you insist, they will gradually learn what it mean. You fear you will not see the grandkids if you insist on discipline - well, I am thinking that the parents enjoy time off, and you provide it. So it's a compromise you must agree to, between you. If there is a mess on the table, you cannot eat. If you have to clear up the toys, you don't have time to go shopping for food, or to cook...

naughtynanny Do not mix up two totally unconnected issues - the problems some grandparents have seeing their grandchildren at all and the problems grandchildren can cause when they do visit.

When grandchildren and their parents visit, and show a complete indifference to what they do to the grandparents house, it is showing a lack of love and care for the grandparents that must be deeply hurting.

We all age at diferent rates and while some people, well into their 70s seem to have no diminution of energy and can cope with doing everything for the whole family well into their 70s, most of us from our 60s onwards, see, more than anything, a lack of stamina and to have family staying, which is a joy and pleasure, only for the pleasure to wear off very quickly into a miasma of exhaustion and tiredness through which you look at your totally trashed house, and the children and grandchildren who care so little for you that they cannot be bothered to help you with anything, nor notice your exhaustion and need for help, must be enough to break your spirit.

You got it Summerlove - lay down the law for next visit‼️ You cannot always do it by yourself when they all invade your space.

It’s disrespectful and exhausting. Then, what about your husband helping out too.
All guys - all hands on deck!
USA Gundy

My children always tidied up and still do after visiting. Their children are expected to as well.

Your house your rules why did you not say anything. I would I’d say if you want your tea you have to tidy up and I’d say who’s doing dishes as I’ve cooked tea. I love mine to visit me but I used to be a child minder and when I had kids in my house they knew when parents were due we had tidy up time and my sons do same with their kids tidy up before tea and if visit mine also tell the kids to tidy up and if I’m cooking they ask any help needed etc. my grandkids can turn my house into a bomb dropped even the 2yr try’s to pick up stuff when others are doing it if you make it a bit of a game you will soon see your floor.

Maybe go out as a family when you can. Try limiting the number of toys available, only new ones out when others have been cleared away. We have a takeaway one evening when DS & DiL stay with GD. Counterattack and pre-empting are key.

Oh for goodness sake. Some Grans on here would give their eye teeth to have children and GC visit.
Is it every week, probably not. A couple of times a month - hardly a chore to just enjoy all the lovely things that go with the mess and stop bloody complaining.
By your own admission, you say, mildly bitterly, 'just like their parents'. You raised THEM! What goes round, comes round!
No wonder the 'older generation' get a reputation for always moaning. Prime example.

For a few years of my life, I ran a pre-school playgroup, helped by two assistants who came on alternate days and volunteer mothers when needed. We had all the different kinds of toys that a nursery class has, and every day it all had to be put away - Lego in one plastic crate, paints and crayons in another, dressing-up clothes another, water toys in another and water container emptied, clay stored in a damp plastic bag, woodwork tools (yes- small real ones plus wood offcuts and 6-inch nails!) in another and so on. We used to start half-an-hour before the end putting away the things that were not being used and then get the children to help put things into the right crates. By the time the mothers came for them, everyone was sitting listening to a story.

On one occasion, both I and that day's helper had to be away (separately) and the other "official" helper couldn't help out, so it was two volunteer mothers who were on duty. Both were well aware of the usual tidy-up routine, so the next morning I expected it to take just ten minutes for two adults to get the place ready for 20 or so pre-schoolers to get stuck in.

No - we were faced with a row of plastic crates, each containing a mixture of categories, clearly just flung in randomly, that all had to be sorted out before they could be set out on each table with its different activity. It does bring home the advantages of being organised when you are trying to bring order to chaos with twenty 3-year-olds around you vying for your attention.

That was when we were in our thirties. It is even more true that Grannies and Grandads in their sixties and seventies should not be expected to do the clearing up after their grandchildren have spread a layer of toys/clothes/food debris over their house, while the parents are waited on by the cook/scullion/parlourmaid/ laundress

As your grandchildren are only 5 and 8, an obvious step is to call them from whatever they are doing when you need the table or feel that outdoor toys should be put away, and ask them to help you tidy up.

This is how school teachers and nursery school staff teach children to tidy up.

If they say they don't want to, smile and say, "I don't either, but it has to be done now."

And do tell your children and their spouses that you love seeing them, but you are too old to do all the work yourself, so you need them to help tidying up kitchen, dining-room, sitting-room and bathroom. If their bedrooms are a tip at bedtime that is their affair, not yours, as you presumably don't sleep in the same room as any of them.

On the day the leave, ask the grown-ups to strip the beds and put towels they have used in the dirty-clothes basket as well.

However much you love them, it is your house, so your rules,

If they can't accept and respect this, stop having them to stay - go and stay with them and sit on your backside doing nought (except knitting ) while you are there.

I bet your grandma didn't run round doing all the work when you and your parents visited her!

I have four children and eight grandchildren - so I just tell them what to do and when. I'm no tidying up after them, even the toddler. A rewards system works well - with fines for non-compliance.

We have drawstring bags and fabric boxes under the stairs (labelled for different toys, e.g. drawing stuff, cars, mini-basketball, trainset, jigsaws). Anything they've brought and want to take home goes in their backpacks. Nobody goes until it's done - and it's all a great big game.

Having said that, five have just left, and there's toys in the shed and under the sink - and somebody's sandals - but never mind!

Your house, your rules so in future, when the children have a game out insist that it is put away before they move on to something else. and emphasise that taking care of toys and games makes them last so much longer. Make a game out of tidying away garden toys, again encourage the children to put them away before playing with something else.

As for the parents, well you must have raised one of them be it mum or dad; did you set ground rules when they were growing up? Did you encourage a tidy bedroom? Did you ask them to help set the table for dinner? If the parents aren't proactive then the children will always behave as though you are their house maid, cook, cleaner, skivvy, the list goes on.

There is no need to fall out with any one over this, just make them aware that their visits leave you exhausted and you really would appreciate some help.