DIL insults our heritage

Oh jeez she’s a real charmer isn’t she! She sounds utterly delightful. And to bring your grandson into it as well she needs putting in her place and the one to do that is your son, although I’m afraid I wouldn’t keep quiet, how very childish. I’d be humming I am a cider drinker under my breath 🙄 she doesn’t sound a very happy person to be honest, and talking like that unhinged

Norah

Smileless2012

I'd still go for ignore otherwise she'll know that for all this time her nasty comments have been having the desired affect and have upset you.

Indeed.

In the whole of life well lived who cares what she thinks?

Why bother to get in an upset over nothing? Laugh to yourself.

Why bother to get in an upset over nothing? Laugh to yourself.

You have a point.

If someone made a similar comment to me I'd shrug it off and put it down to their ignorance - but when someone is constantly undermining you, it can be difficult ignore.

And to actually call the place you hail from a shithole - well that is really very goading.

I have just read your opening post Grannypalmtree, God that's so rude Insulting anyone's hometown, area, country, county, awful. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, it's very insulting. I'm not sure how I'd be, livid probably. Commiserations.

DIL insults our heritage

I thought DIL was going to be from another country!

If that is a mining heritage you could remind her that Somerset was a mining county at one time and take her to the Radstock Museum.

Being a Northerner, I immediately thought “you must be from xxxxx then!” Not naming the town

Don't bother about passive aggressive nonsense.
this woman is ignorant and uncouth.

I certainly would not tolerate her using the word **hole to her child and in front of me and I would say so, and so should your son.

How you deal with it is up to you, but I wonder what has happened to make young adults so contemptuous of the older generation.

VioletSky

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

Yes I'm with that one too.

In a weird way, I'm interested in her criteria for judging a county. I understand that country dwellers would say living in the country is better than living in the city, and vice versa, but I can't see how one comparatively rural county is superior to another fairly rural county. One could be warme? One drier?

She sounds a bit insecure to me. Maybe try showering her with complements.

Wow, if that happened to me, I would have to say something back.
I will say politely to DIL ‘You must have brought down the tone of this neighbourhood then by marrying someone who grew up in the shithole of England.’

Smileless2012

I'd still go for ignore otherwise she'll know that for all this time her nasty comments have been having the desired affect and have upset you.

Indeed.

In the whole of life well lived who cares what she thinks?

Why bother to get in an upset over nothing? Laugh to yourself.

I'd still go for ignore otherwise she'll know that for all this time her nasty comments have been having the desired affect and have upset you.

Dickens

I'd either give her the 'arched eyebrow' look, together with a rather weary 'eye-roll' when she makes her facetious comments, or else tell her straight that in your ****hole corner of England, people had the wit and intelligence to understand the art of good manners and civility, and that it's unfortunate the skill never caught on in Somerset. Then smile sweetly and whisper in her face, joke and walk off.

Rude woman. Deserves a rude response.

Oooh *Dickens, I like that one!

Oh I'm with you there!

When I first met my future MIL, and opened my mouth, and a Yorkshire accent came out followed by 'what do you do' etc and I was only a 'nurse' not a lawyer or doctor, well, that was that!!

Somerset - my neighbouring county is where The Wurzels come from, and there is an accent, and very country yokel it is, so 'now't special there' as my countrymen would say. You've that or Jacob Rees-Mogg, take your pick!

In October 2021 I moved my mum down to be near me as it was getting so that she needed a bit of help and I was 3-4 hours away and was getting so that I couldn't safely drive that far. She has moved to a village about 15 minutes away - a nice pretty village, but they obviously don't sound like she does, having lived in Yorkshire for 85 years, and she has found it quite difficult to integrate really as everyone appears to her to have a lot of money and be 'posh', they obviously aren't all made of money, or posh, but to her they sound as if they are! She has just gained a new neighbour, and they seem to be getting on, so fingers crossed she can actually find a friend, rather than lots of acquaintances ....

To be honest she doesn't sound lie a very peasant individual all round, but I suspect she knows that she isn't as well educated etc and maybe feels a bit intimidated by it and that is why she is doing it?

Admittedly, tongue in cheek. I would turn the tables on her. I would assume that she does what she does because she feels inferior to you because you are from the north and she is from Somerset.

I would take her aside and explain quietly explain, that you understand that among all these northerners she seemed embarrassed and ashamed of coming from Somerset, but you have never had any time for silly regional comparisons, all of you are the one family andin your eyes that is all that matters, so as the one southerner in the family she does not have to be so defensive about it and keep attacking 'northerners. She comes from a beautiful part of the world and is a lovely person - and you too come from a very different but also beautiful area and feel northerners and southerners together you span the whole country.

The thing is, quite often this totally nexpected reading of situations, is more effective than either confronting or ignoring the situation.

VioletSky

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

I think that’s a good idea..

VioletSky

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

That's a good way to handle it

She must be aggrivated about something, or just plain jealous to use such aggressive language towards you.
Its goading, so try to steel yourself and dont rise to the bait
🤣

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

I'd either give her the 'arched eyebrow' look, together with a rather weary 'eye-roll' when she makes her facetious comments, or else tell her straight that in your ****hole corner of England, people had the wit and intelligence to understand the art of good manners and civility, and that it's unfortunate the skill never caught on in Somerset. Then smile sweetly and whisper in her face, joke and walk off.

Rude woman. Deserves a rude response.

How very rude and unpleasant. Does she not realise that the only place of worth in England is the South East? I’m joking, of course, but many a true word in jest as far as some people in the South East are concerned. They consider that part superior. I should know I used to be one of them! Now I live in Somerset, my father’s home county. Many beautiful parts but some not so beautiful.

Be proud of your roots grannypalmtree. Do you not go in for plain speaking? I think it’s time dil received some Northern wisdom.

Politely remind her that being born and bred up north has provided her with her OH, your DS, so life up north can't be as bad as she makes out.

I think your son has to be the one to put her in her place
But you can tell her nicely without venom that she is being offensive to you and to her husband and she needs to stop as it’s neither funny or clever
I personally wouldn’t resort to calling her area names as it just brings you to her level

As this is an ongoing thing Grannypalmtree and not a one off comment I really would have to say something. How very rude and disrespectful of your daughter in law, I'm surprised your son lets this continued criticism continue.
I agree with Shelflife

Shelflife is correct - your DIL knows what she's doing. She is also a bully. In my experience, all bullies are basically cowards underneath and when confronted, soon back down.

Pick your moment, remain calm and polite and good luck ☘️

How dare she ! If course she knows she is being offensive - she knows exactly what she is doing ie undermining you and enjoying every minute of it. Take her quietly to one side , Keep calm , no raised voice and tell her you have had enough of her bullying ( that is what she is doing) In your situation I would not be able to laugh it off! - she has the upper hand and she knows it - time to put her straight!!! I had a similar situation when I was very young . My father said to me " she is doing this because you are allowing it , tell her enough is enough and that you will no longer tolerate her behaviour. Screw up your courage and confront her , you will only have to do it once " How right he was , I did as he advised and from that day on I had no more trouble from her. It does take courage but if you can confront her you will reap the rewards . Do it when you are alone with her - don't involve anyone else. You do have the power to stop this - this is not about where you were raised it is about her power over you , she is holding the reins ................... for now !? Go for it and good luck. You don't deserve this!