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new glamma nannie

(7 Posts)
finns Mon 28-Aug-23 23:19:36

This might be long winded but advice needed. I was estranged from my son due to some difficult years he had, until he met his now wife. She contacted me and facilitated our new contact. I was immediately embraced and invited to be at the wedding, helped them move home nearer me and financially supported them (i’m a single parent) until they could find their feet. I felt we had an amazing relationship together - and i was so happy to see the man he had become with a new start. They had their daughter and immediately my DIL included her estranged mother as a birthing partner and from there on in I have had to beg to see my granddaughter, when her mother has u limited access, they have now moved closer to her mother and siblings and are virtually ignoring me and are too busy for me to visit. i have had two unsupervised visits with my granddaughter while her mother has every weekend sleepovers and babysits. my DIL has driven past my home unlimited times with my granddaughter and refuses to stop by, on her way to appointments or whatever, or returning home. i’m heartbroken and hurt and if i raise any of this to anyone i am called needy and jealous and as of i’m trying to control how DIL sees her family, which is not what i’m about at all
what am i to do ? AIBU

Hetty58 Mon 28-Aug-23 23:45:15

YABU - and why post again?

Mamasperspective Mon 04-Sep-23 18:44:30

DIL will always be a lot closer to her own mother - that's the woman who carried and birthed her and they have a lifetime of memories, trust, laughter and tears together. That is the woman that DIL will feel she can be truly vulnerable in front of. You won't ever be able to compete with that because maternal grandma's first priority will be her own daughter with her grandchild coming in close second.

It's not about a tally chart of how often you can see LO compared to how often maternal grandma gets access. Maybe try reaching out to DIL and tell her that you apologise if you've been coming over as overbearing, needy or jealous and you will try to respect their nuclear family dynamic more. Don't make it all about you and how you feel - you are now extended family to them and their first priority will be their nuclear family.

crazyH Mon 04-Sep-23 18:57:21

finns - I think you have posted before and I have replied. I have been divorced for some time. I used to have a job. So when my first grandson was born, I was not a hands-on grandmother. The other grandparents were retired and basically were the go-to grandparents for everything. I was just so glad that they were there to help my daughter. They are still very involved, even though the GC are 22 and 20. I have also now retired and though they don’t need me as much now, I am always available.
As you can gather, in my case it’s just the opposite. Paternal grandparents had a more active part in my GCs life than I had. All to do with circumstances. But I can understand how you feel x

Foxygloves Mon 04-Sep-23 19:28:21

Haven’t we been through all of this?

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 04-Sep-23 19:50:52

We have. So why post again?

Hetty58 Mon 04-Sep-23 20:23:44