Feeling a bit (a lot really) sad

Happy Birthday Ivanova5!

Good for you Thomasina!
The more you give, the more they expect. Sadly.

Happy belated birthday. I do feel your sadness our kids can be self indulgent at times.

Most years I send messages out to my AC telling them NOT to send pressies (just cards) for my birthday and Mothers Day. Then at Xmas one of the eldest daughters usually arranges a big pressie between all of them. My son, is always more than happy to pay whatever amount they ask.

Last Xmas there was nothing big that I wanted and t hought it might be pleasant to have several small pressies, so had a wish list on amazon, and left it at that. My Daughter in law had given me some lovely perfume (something she had been given and did not like - I thought was gorgeous), when thanking her (via my son), I did say that I wouldbe delighted tohave more of that make,etc. Thought that was a broad enough hint!!!

Xmas came, pressies from all my daughters, nothing from son. Phone call on day. He has no ability to take a hint, and as no-one had arranged a pressie for him to contribute to he did nothing. This year, I sent the usual message re Mothers Day ONLY to my daughters and waited to see if son sent anything. No......just a card.

My son is not hard up, neither is he really unthinking - just that unless someone else organises it he just does not think about presents. If I was unwell, and asked him I know he would drive the four hours to get to me, if I needed some cash, he would be more than happy to let me have it. But the idea of presents on occasions - just does not cross his mind.

I still love him, just exactly as he is.

I'm thinking that your son may have assumed (quite reasonably) that your husband would be spoiling you and taking you out for a special meal - at least.

My children do take me out on special days - but I've been widowed since they were small, so the situation is different. We don't tend to do cards or extravagant presents, though, just a text or phone call and a day/meal out.

I'm concerned by some of the comments on here. I've helped them out financially at times, although they've never asked. My gifts are freely given, I'm not keeping score - or ever expecting returns. They're my children, not an investment bank!

I wouldn't have expected a big celebration, but I would expect a card.

I wouldn't ignore anyone's birthday.

We've all had children, we've all worked, and it doesn't mean you haven't got the time, thought or the money to buy and send a card.

And, I'd keep the bank account closed now - see if that jogs his memory.🙄

Happy belated birthday anyway.💐

Happy belated Birthday Ivanova5

I'm not sure that it helps to hear but my birthday was Monday also and I didn't hear so much as a peep from my oldest son. He lives a 2 day drive away and in addition to a busy family life, he has health issues so I don't expect him to remember, but it still hurts a bit deep down.

I did plan a party with our local ds and his family on Sunday to take the pressure off of dh. I learned long ago that if I wanted a celebration, I needed to plan it. Glad I did, it was a lovely time.

I wonder what your son would say if you missed HIS birthday? Works both ways.

Happy big birthday Ivanova5

We are what we are, and our kids are what our kids are. If we want to change that, we have to organise it, especially if distance or money make it a problem.

Got to be honest, I'm not sure DS could tell you my birthday!

But I am sorry you were disappointed. Don't be.

Why didn’t your husband arrange something??

Sorry your husband has been unwell and that explains why he hadn’t arranged anything. 💐

Dear Ivanova5

Wishing you a very happy, belated birthday. 💐 Yes, I’m inclined to agree that your husband should have arranged a celebration for your special birthday. You are certainly not being self indulgent, and I would feel very hurt if the same had happened to me. It’s now up to your husband to organise a get together with your son & his girlfriend, and anyone else you’d like to invite. Maybe a lunch or dinner at a favourite pub or restaurant?
Personally, I plan my own, inviting my children and grandchildren in plenty of time, so that the date doesn’t clash with other engagements. I’m very fortunate that we all live within 10 mins drive of each other.

Sorry you’re feeling upset, but happy belated birthday. When it’s a big birthday, I alway think it encompasses the whole year!
Organise something for you and your DH to do later on. Also good idea to hold a small family get together, as others have suggested.
My DBL had his big birthday spoilt last year by a bout of Covid, so we’re doing it all again next week. ( Covid isn’t on the invitation).

Thank you all for such kind replies - and to Thomasina34 I am so sorry to read that - and good for you being so positive. Husband didn't pull the stops out as he's been unwell this year, and so I wasn't expecting a great deal. I have in the past on the 0 birthdays organised a get together, but this year didn't bother. As I say, I wasn't expecting much, but it was upsetting not getting a text/call. It'll be different when there is money needed urgently, I expect. But - onwards and upwards - and I really am grateful for such kind replies. Thank you all!

Life is really just too short to be upset in these situations. In September we have 3 family birthdays coming up. So I just phone DS and say "lets all get together and meet up half way for a nice pub lunch" We do so and everyone's happy

Belated happy birthday.

had you said anything to your son about it being a special brthday or were you just expecting him to remember?

In our household, big birthdays/anniversaries get discussed in a general way for months before the event. Not that we are big event throwers, but the event is discussed.

I had my 80th birthday 10 days ago, DH will have his in a few weeks. We had talked about our birthdays in advance - and also other big family birthdays this year, just in general conversation. DC couldn't be with us - they live too far away and we have recently all been on holiday together. DH and I went out for lunch and the children sent flowers. That was quite sufficient.

Whether DS would have remembered without the subject being discussed genrally I am not sure.

It amazes me how many families never seem to talk to each other but expect their children/parents to read their minds, and then feel sad when they don't.

Grammaretto

I'm afraid I decided years ago that if I wanted something to happen at my birthday, I would need to arrange it myself.
As a result I've just had a thoroughly enjoyable 75th birthday party . I invited my friends and family on WhatsApp.
A few called off but plenty came and we had a great time.
DS came with his 2 and DD came with hers. (and stayed the night)
Nobody would have done anything if I hadn't.
I don't get invited to their birthdays or the DGC but I don't mind. As DGM used to say:
" They have their own occasions "

good for you. I admire that initiative

My offspring might remember my birthday or not and probably don't know my exact age.
I'm not bothered but it seems you are.

Good suggestions already made to invite your son & girlfriend for a little celebration, or get your husband to do it & mention it being a special birthday so they get the idea.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I sometimes feel that people might not know your mood / expectations. Perhaps get your husband to arrange a party and invite those people close to you?

Agree with kittylester

Happy belated birthday. I understand how you feel, perhaps he didn't realise it was a special birthday?

Well, it's sad for you that they both didn't arrange some kind of celebration. But we are all different. We don't think the same.My sons would need reminded, not daughter.
Belated birthday greetings Ivanova

You wanted the gesture to come from him without a reminder or hint. When it doesn't you are entitled to feel sad. Writing about it is a good way of expressing that sadness and it not self indulgent. No doubt he has no idea. Happy belated birthday.

I'm afraid I decided years ago that if I wanted something to happen at my birthday, I would need to arrange it myself.
As a result I've just had a thoroughly enjoyable 75th birthday party . I invited my friends and family on WhatsApp.
A few called off but plenty came and we had a great time.
DS came with his 2 and DD came with hers. (and stayed the night)
Nobody would have done anything if I hadn't.
I don't get invited to their birthdays or the DGC but I don't mind. As DGM used to say:
" They have their own occasions "

I am sorry you feel sad but, in my opinion, your husband should pull the stops out for a special birthday.