Feeling a bit (a lot really) sad

Not in the least self indulgent, Ivanova, very upsetting to have such a thoughtless son. Belated birthday greetings and I hope you plan something pleasurable to mark the occasion.

First, Happy Birthday for Monday ,Ivanovo!💐 Sometimes kids can be so thoughtless, they live in their own little worlds and I reckon he wasn’t trying to be rude, probably just didn’t think. Don’t get upset, especially if he has been having a hard time recently. Ring him up and arrange something with him and his girlfriend and tell them you are celebrating a ‘ belated’ birthday. That’s what I’d do, anyway.

Can you not organise a get together at the weekend such as an afternoon tea or a meal together? Just say it’s a belated celebration. I think the younger ones are so involved in there own lives we get missed.


Belated happy birthday.

I know where you are coming from though as I have a birthday next month and I’m going to get in and suggest something like a meal together with my family as otherwise it just ends up being “coming round for birthday cake and fizz”on the day.

Happy

Happy belayed birthday!

Did your son know you would have liked to see him?

Is this the first time he just sends happy birthday and nothing else?

I have had the same for years, I have always given Birthday/Christmas/Easter gifts and cards for many years, I am lucky if I get a text message on my birthday or mothers day, 2 years ago after giving my son his partner, 4 grandkids one hundred pounds each and multiple gifts as a Christmas present I was not even texted a message saying Happy Christmas Mum and Dad, my husband and I decided that is it, we have never expected presents we have always said just a card will do, I was always bailing them out over unpaid bills, or new washing machines and gord knows what else, I never expected the money back which I paid for anything which is just as well because I didn't even get an offer of payment. That was it we decided no more from out side, with that my son and his partner stopped speaking to us, I didn't care anymore up till Easter this year when I got a text message from the partner saying that I should remember that I have 4 grandchildren, and the kids need new shoes, I just replied saying well you had better start saving because my purse is shut

Nobody likes being taken for granted or forgotten.
Happy belated birthday.

Happy special birthday Ivanova - the young ones are so busy, they sometimes tend to forget us. We are at the bottom of the pecking order. If it wasn’t for my party-loving daughters-in-law, my birthdays too would be forgotten. I don’t think my sons would remember and as for my daughter, that’s another story.!!
She relies on me to remind her of special family dates😂

Perhaps your husband could have a word with your son; I am sure you would do it if he he ignored his father's birthday. Or perhaps he ignores him as well.
It is thoughtless and unkind of adult children to behave like this, particularly after you have been generous and supportive; sometimes they do need someone to point these things out.
Happy belated birthday, anyway.

thomasina34

I have had the same for years, I have always given Birthday/Christmas/Easter gifts and cards for many years, I am lucky if I get a text message on my birthday or mothers day, 2 years ago after giving my son his partner, 4 grandkids one hundred pounds each and multiple gifts as a Christmas present I was not even texted a message saying Happy Christmas Mum and Dad, my husband and I decided that is it, we have never expected presents we have always said just a card will do, I was always bailing them out over unpaid bills, or new washing machines and gord knows what else, I never expected the money back which I paid for anything which is just as well because I didn't even get an offer of payment. That was it we decided no more from out side, with that my son and his partner stopped speaking to us, I didn't care anymore up till Easter this year when I got a text message from the partner saying that I should remember that I have 4 grandchildren, and the kids need new shoes, I just replied saying well you had better start saving because my purse is shut

Well done. I'd have done the same.
Busy or not there's no excuse for this kind of behaviour.

Belated Happy Birthday wishes. Ivanova5

I am sorry you feel sad but, in my opinion, your husband should pull the stops out for a special birthday.

I'm afraid I decided years ago that if I wanted something to happen at my birthday, I would need to arrange it myself.
As a result I've just had a thoroughly enjoyable 75th birthday party . I invited my friends and family on WhatsApp.
A few called off but plenty came and we had a great time.
DS came with his 2 and DD came with hers. (and stayed the night)
Nobody would have done anything if I hadn't.
I don't get invited to their birthdays or the DGC but I don't mind. As DGM used to say:
" They have their own occasions "

You wanted the gesture to come from him without a reminder or hint. When it doesn't you are entitled to feel sad. Writing about it is a good way of expressing that sadness and it not self indulgent. No doubt he has no idea. Happy belated birthday.

Well, it's sad for you that they both didn't arrange some kind of celebration. But we are all different. We don't think the same.My sons would need reminded, not daughter.
Belated birthday greetings Ivanova

Happy belated birthday. I understand how you feel, perhaps he didn't realise it was a special birthday?

Agree with kittylester

I'm really sorry to hear this. I sometimes feel that people might not know your mood / expectations. Perhaps get your husband to arrange a party and invite those people close to you?

My offspring might remember my birthday or not and probably don't know my exact age.
I'm not bothered but it seems you are.

Good suggestions already made to invite your son & girlfriend for a little celebration, or get your husband to do it & mention it being a special birthday so they get the idea.

Grammaretto

I'm afraid I decided years ago that if I wanted something to happen at my birthday, I would need to arrange it myself.
As a result I've just had a thoroughly enjoyable 75th birthday party . I invited my friends and family on WhatsApp.
A few called off but plenty came and we had a great time.
DS came with his 2 and DD came with hers. (and stayed the night)
Nobody would have done anything if I hadn't.
I don't get invited to their birthdays or the DGC but I don't mind. As DGM used to say:
" They have their own occasions "

good for you. I admire that initiative

Belated happy birthday.

had you said anything to your son about it being a special brthday or were you just expecting him to remember?

In our household, big birthdays/anniversaries get discussed in a general way for months before the event. Not that we are big event throwers, but the event is discussed.

I had my 80th birthday 10 days ago, DH will have his in a few weeks. We had talked about our birthdays in advance - and also other big family birthdays this year, just in general conversation. DC couldn't be with us - they live too far away and we have recently all been on holiday together. DH and I went out for lunch and the children sent flowers. That was quite sufficient.

Whether DS would have remembered without the subject being discussed genrally I am not sure.

It amazes me how many families never seem to talk to each other but expect their children/parents to read their minds, and then feel sad when they don't.

Life is really just too short to be upset in these situations. In September we have 3 family birthdays coming up. So I just phone DS and say "lets all get together and meet up half way for a nice pub lunch" We do so and everyone's happy

Thank you all for such kind replies - and to Thomasina34 I am so sorry to read that - and good for you being so positive. Husband didn't pull the stops out as he's been unwell this year, and so I wasn't expecting a great deal. I have in the past on the 0 birthdays organised a get together, but this year didn't bother. As I say, I wasn't expecting much, but it was upsetting not getting a text/call. It'll be different when there is money needed urgently, I expect. But - onwards and upwards - and I really am grateful for such kind replies. Thank you all!

Sorry you’re feeling upset, but happy belated birthday. When it’s a big birthday, I alway think it encompasses the whole year!
Organise something for you and your DH to do later on. Also good idea to hold a small family get together, as others have suggested.
My DBL had his big birthday spoilt last year by a bout of Covid, so we’re doing it all again next week. ( Covid isn’t on the invitation).

Dear Ivanova5

Wishing you a very happy, belated birthday. 💐 Yes, I’m inclined to agree that your husband should have arranged a celebration for your special birthday. You are certainly not being self indulgent, and I would feel very hurt if the same had happened to me. It’s now up to your husband to organise a get together with your son & his girlfriend, and anyone else you’d like to invite. Maybe a lunch or dinner at a favourite pub or restaurant?
Personally, I plan my own, inviting my children and grandchildren in plenty of time, so that the date doesn’t clash with other engagements. I’m very fortunate that we all live within 10 mins drive of each other.