Wanting the house to myself

I’m loving my divorced status and peace and quiet for the last 20 yrs. I can do what I want, when I want. This is quality time to me and I know others who crave it don’t get it. Everyone deserves some alone time.

I see that you are posting and answering a LOT… which is unusual for GN. I think you are just craving some girl talk being around those males all the time. But I think if you constantly lived with an all female household, you’d miss being alone more than your situation now. Totally different vibe!

Tell your family you are instituting a new policy at home starting now. Every other week all males need to make plans to be gone for (a set time/day), giving you a few hours to be alone. Maybe that’s unreasonable, I don’t know. Is it?
USA Gundy

Any chance you could put a garden room at the far end of your garden. Yours alone. Let the chaos in the house build up for the day and clear it only once, not each time there's a TV left on, or a loo seat to be closed.

Just a thought. Mine works really well.

I lived alone for 11 years. I looked forward to my kids visiting but always after a few days I was ready for them to go home.

Then at Christmas 2021 my DD moved home as she got a new job in London. I offered her a rent free home so she could save for her own place. 9 months later, deposit saved, she was ready to buy a flat, then the financial crisis hit and mortgage rates were rising so she needed a bigger deposit. While saving for that she was made redundant! She now has a job in Dubai and I'm alone again, but with a house full of her stuff!

I'm glad to have my own space again, and am slowly getting back to the old way of living, though with more clutter than before! I get how you feel as I looked forward to having time alone when DD went away occasionally. Now I'm back to looking forward to visits again but I like being able to live to my own routines and not to think about anyone else's needs.

RicePudding quotes this "I just hate passing my downstairs loo and seeing the seat/lid up."

Why would you see it when passing, do you leave your toilet/bathroom door open then? that is my pet hate, people not closing their toilet doors. I don't put the lid down myself, so that definitely does not worry me, I do hate the seat up though, but apparently that is not what you refer to.

I too love a quiet house and love my own space, I live alone so have it whenever I am home, although that is not often these days.

Me too Lucky girl

Be careful what you wish for ........ I walk into an empty house every day pf my life. I hate it.

I don't know anybody among women f

riends and family who doesn't crave "the house to myself", just a couple of hours, a day! My neighbour was crowing the other day she was getting a whole week!

Put it to the family you want a House to Myself day once a month.

Also get a room just for you. Make the whole lot of them do a house clean for an hour once a week or designate eg Mary responsible downstairs loo, someone else dishwasher. Make'em work.

Crack the whip! Kick'em out! Stir it up! If they do cooperate be advised it won't last long but the second time you have to do.it will.be easier.

Well someone has to say it, might as well be me !
Be thankful you are not in this world completely alone. There are many childless women, widows and singletons out there who would change places with you in a heartbeat.
Just sayin’

Understand. Love my husband... We work shifts. Although it's nice when he on earlies and I wake up to a lovely tea (work nights so asleep in the day you see) but love It when he on lates and I have the house to myself for a few hours when I wake up before heading off to work. He feels the same I strongly suspect about having enough me time to together time. 😁

Draw up a chores rota. All grown ups so all can take responsibility for household chores. Then take time for yourself.

I'll swap you your position for mine 🙁

FranA…yes, that’s another aspect too, although not so much now that my boys are grown up. My husband has always been able to put his earphones in and shut off completely…I think it’s an inbuilt thing that women can’t do that in case someone calls or needs them. In my case now, it’s more so that I can hear if one of my cats throws up…nothing makes me jump out of bed faster than hearing that ‘ick ick ick’, while my husband remains oblivious 😖

Katyj

Oh yes I totally get it. My DH retired four years ago and rarely goes anywhere without me. When I know he’s going out, I do my cleaning, whilst he’s there, then when he’s out I can just potter, light a candle and just be. Bliss.

I tend to do my cleaning as soon as OH goes out. Once I’ve finished, particularly whilst the weather has been warm & sunny, I make a drink and something to eat, grab my iPad, sit outside on the patio, with faithful dog, then before I’ve taken the first bite of my snack, my OH returns, so weary after a gym/swim session or a round of golf! 😂

Rice pudding I get it 👍just having the house to myself clean, potter and just do whatever is now a thing of the past. Work from home DH who goes into office occasionally. I work but used to be the first one home now I'm the only one who goes out to work.

I don’t think RicePudding wants ‘time alone’, necessarily, to go out to a park, for coffee etc. She would just like her home to herself occasionally, without having to run around turning off lights, putting lavatory seats down. Not unreasonable at all. How lovely that your son cooks and clears up too. Not many do that, apart from my son, of course! 😂

That’s a good idea Katyj

Seats down here too. We had two new bathrooms fitted a while ago and due to positioning of the flush, both toilets can’t be flushed unless the seat is down.

Apparently for hygiene reasons the seat should be down when flushing.
We are all different, and it's OK to need time alone. I certainly do. Maybe tell everyone and arrange time each week when everyone is out for at least half a day at the same time.

I have seen photos on Rightmove with the seat up - nooo!

Had the same loo lid problem until husband was confronted with a rat coming round the bend . Never happened before or since but loo lid is always left down now. Just in case.

I am interested in how behaviour gets changed! If we leave the bacteria swirl aside & just talk about the seat:
It has never occurred to me to worry about it at all - change it to how you want it. And it never crossed my mind that anyone woud think it 'male dominant' behaviour (huh!). But a couple of years ago, within a week, 2 friends mentioned it - that 'grown men' should be 'trained' to put the seat down! So I mentioned it to DH, and to a couple of other male relatives. They said that in others' homes, they had started putting the seat down; they hadn't realised leaving it up might give offence, but once aware of it, they didn't want to be seen as rude. So it now becomes the norm - not exactly a problem - but odd to me!
However, DH and I agreed that we would put the lid down to flush for hygiene; so now not that much of an issue - except for lifting the lid to check all is flushed!

Although I’m happy with my own company I miss my husband when he goes out. I certainly don’t long for time alone. The house isn’t a home without him (and the dog of course). We’re not joined at the hip though and pursue our separate interests. I never understand women who say their husband is under their feet - mine never is, nor I under his,

When my son left home I was totally bereft. When he and his wife come to stay the place seems quiet and empty for a while when they leave. I would love to be able to turn the clock back to when he still lived at home!

Oh yes I totally get it. My DH retired four years ago and rarely goes anywhere without me. When I know he’s going out, I do my cleaning, whilst he’s there, then when he’s out I can just potter, light a candle and just be. Bliss.

It’s not that you don’t love them etc. it’s just you are never alone & would love just a few hours,understandable.
Re the toilet seat,I’ve been married for 54 years & it is never put down ! My husband said where ever he goes he has to touch the seat to put it up who ever has sat on it—— I was absolutely amazed the other day when his sister was coming over he put the seat down ?

I know exactly where you’re coming from Ricepudding.
I’ve got lots of hobbies and am in and out the house all the time but my husband hardly seems to go out at all. His last remaining hobby has now gone onto Zoom so he’s not even out for that couple of hours now.
Like you Ricepudding I’d just love to have the house to myself for a even a short time so I can play MY music without interruption, or just catch up with the housework uninterrupted 😆