Wanting the house to myself

MayBee70

I’m quite a solitary person but was always happy having my children in the house because they were like an extension of myself. My son moved back home after uni and his girlfriend at the time used to stay most weekends, sometimes during the week, too. I liked her but never felt totally comfortable with her so when she came over I’d keep out of the way. Same with my partner who doesn’t live with me but seems to spend more and more time at my house ( I think he thinks I won’t notice). I can’t seem to listen to music or watch the programmes I like when he’s here so I do everything late at night. I was totally on my own for a few years so know how awful it is to live in an empty house, but it’s all about the balance which varies from person to person. Many people don’t understand the need in some of us for solitude. I guess that’s why some people go to retreats etc.

Your partner is taking over your home by stealth. Nip this in the bud.

You should be able to watch what you like on TV, when you like IN YOUR OWN HOME.

Angry on your behalf!

Oops… that should be “among her words”…

Lemsip… love your phrase “detect the ‘smile’ in her words”…

Thanks lemsip xx

it's such a shame when posters don't read the original post from RicePudding and detect the 'smile' among her words..

don't post before reading op.

Be careful what you wish for. Annoying they may be, but the novelty may soon wear off once they're gone.

Wow dizzygran…aggressive much!
Maybe if you actually read all the comments and my posts/replies, you’d be more informed before being so quick to criticise! If you couldn’t be bothered following the entire thread, not a lot of point in you jumping on here, other than to do a bit of complaining yourself!
As mentioned before, I have a lovely life, and I count my blessings every day…I wish you the same 😊

I’m quite a solitary person but was always happy having my children in the house because they were like an extension of myself. My son moved back home after uni and his girlfriend at the time used to stay most weekends, sometimes during the week, too. I liked her but never felt totally comfortable with her so when she came over I’d keep out of the way. Same with my partner who doesn’t live with me but seems to spend more and more time at my house ( I think he thinks I won’t notice). I can’t seem to listen to music or watch the programmes I like when he’s here so I do everything late at night. I was totally on my own for a few years so know how awful it is to live in an empty house, but it’s all about the balance which varies from person to person. Many people don’t understand the need in some of us for solitude. I guess that’s why some people go to retreats etc.

Well said NannaRose. But then our little moans give other people something to complain about don't they.

I do think that on this forum it's OK to have a little moan.
I thought OP expressed herself quite thoughtfully - of course she knows there are many who would give anything to have a house filled with caring & helpful people, as hers is.
But if every time we come on here, we have to think of 'worse cases' then we could never have a little moan and get support to get on with our lives.
I respectfully suggest that posters skip any titles that might upset them - I do!

Think to yourself - what would I be complaining about if all my children had moved out and my husband had died or become ill or had dementia. I suggest you count your blessings and stop moaning bout toilet sets..... get a life.

Silvergirl…that’s exactly my point…it’s therapy for me too! Lucky you can be assured of at least a couple of days home alone xx

As I’ve mentioned before a few times, yes, I do go out by myself a lot! I have two beautiful dogs, so I get out with them every day, so I get the chance to meet lots of lovely new people, but also have fellow dog walking friends that I’ve known for years, so I walk with them often. I do yoga, and have two very close friends who I catch up with regularly. I also cycle a few miles most days, and I exercise in my own space within my home every evening. As another lovely lady commented, I don’t need or want to go out to be on my own, it’s some quiet time in my own house I would occasionally appreciate!

I understand completely RicePudding. My time alone in the house is my therapy. My husband and I share providing childcare at our daughter’s home so I get at least 2.5 days on my own. I think he enjoys it too but we haven’t said this to each other. Going out alone is not the same as I love my little house, ie reading neuks, conservatory, mini gym, etc.
I think I appreciate it as my life up till now has been so busy.

I'd quite like what you've got RicePudding613794 but my sister would hate it. Yes, there are moments when my youngest is home when I am a little irritated but the good times certainly outweigh the bad. If my boys put the shopping away, I'd be delighted. My husband unpacks the bags and leaves the stuff on the side. It drives me mad!

Gundy

I forgot to ask - do you ever GO OUT on your own? You should do that, a lot.

That's not the same as 'having the house to one's self'.

A room of one's own. I agree that is lovely and possibly why my own marriage lasted so long and was very happy. I have a studio where I could always escape into my own world.

My DS and DDiL are currently building a room in their garden so that there is a bolt hole.
They discovered during lockdown that with both working from home plus home schooling that more space was badly needed.
It will doubtless become a teenagers' den but that is important too.

Get yourself a good summerhouse in the garden and you have yourself a quiet bolt hole. I have Wi-Fi in mine so I can also access music or podcasts if I feel like it.

Not sure if OP never worked or worked before children and returned later, but if I have misunderstood your post my apologies Boadicea.

I’m an introvert too, and decided not to go visiting DH’s family this summer to get a weekend to myself on my own.

When they were away, I had a good look at everything and had a mini de clutter.
I had a lovely weekend of head space and it was so much better than us all staying in a spare room in relatives. I like my DH’s relatives, but this alone time was Bliss!

Doesn’t everyone sit to go to the loo? Men and women alike… Who stands in this day and age?
Loo seat always down here - it’s more hygienic, and my friend says better feng shui.

I took it that Boadicea Jones was referring to the OP never having to go out to work, not Lucky.
I heartily endorse Boadicea; I was a teacher, married to a teacher, so when I was on holiday so was everyone else; when the husband left I had the children full time, and when they were at University they were home for the holidays and weekends. I hardly ever had the house to myself; I remember taking one to ballet, then one to swimming and returning home for forty minutes peace and quiet, before I had to set off again and collect them. The last child left just before their thirtieth birthday, I have been retired for twelve years and still still cherish my 'me time'.

No, that’s not what Lucky is saying. She’s talking about the house being empty now that she’s a widow. Perhaps an apology is in order?

Wow. You mean you never had to go to work and endure the commute/busy office/school/hospital noise and chaos, and now you still want peace and quiet? I've been a teacher for 47 long, chaotic and noisy years, while raising 3 children as a single mother and coming home to more mess and noise. I'm enjoying my well-earned rest (-ish), because after nearly half a century of earning money for retirement I deserve it. Count your blessings.

Luckygirl3

Be careful what you wish for ........ I walk into an empty house every day pf my life. I hate it.

My daughter felt like this when she got divorced.
She got a budgie, so she had something to say hello to when she walked into the house.
She said it made it feel more like home 🙂

Have you tried leaving the radio on when you go out, so you're not walking into a silent house when you come home?

I forgot to ask - do you ever GO OUT on your own? You should do that, a lot.