Asking for money back

My SIL used to borrow money on a weekly basis. She had to be reminded to pay me back and often ‘forgot’ completely. She has now cut ME dead which people think is unkind of her but now I don’t have to subsidise her I’m more than happy . It’s not unreasonable to expect it back. You’ve been VERY patient.

You are being more than reasonable, I think. Given that their house has been completely re-modelled, which must have cost a lot of money, I wouldn't have even offered the instalment option.

He said he would pay the money back and he should not have put you in the situation of having to ask for it. It's inexcusable. I hope it was just an oversight.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. It should have been paid back before state of the art kitchen etc. Please don’t let him get away with it.

I would message rather than call. Then you have some evidence when he replies..

NannyB,
If no joy from your brother, message or call his wife, but at least try calling him first as he may not pick up all of his messages!!
Did his wife know about the loan?

Coolgran65

How did you message him. Can you see that he had read the message. Was it by WhatsApp or Messenger. I prefer this to e-mail as I can see if it's been seen.
No response in a day or so means he's avoiding you and I'd ring him keeping it amiable saying you're now needing it for X, Y or Z.

I had an email not so long ago informing me as I had not been reading the ones previously sent, they'd remove me from their list. So, obviously, some people can see when emails gave been read!

It doesn’t change your relationship with the recipient if it is properly drawn up before the money is lent though butterfly
All it needs is a Direct Debit of what is possible for the recipient and acceptable to the giver and a time limit unfortunately this was given with no rules in place and may well cause bad feelings

I lend my brother and sister in law £12,000 to buy their house instead of taking out a loan after our mom died. They had most of the money and brought the house by modern auction. We drew up a paper and it was to be paid over 18 months but he paid it back in a year. He offered to pay me interest I told him I am not a bank and I did it because I wanted them to have the house and loved them. He paid it back before doing anything to the house apart from decorating. As it was important to him to pay me back before renovations. If he had been with his second wife I wouldn't have lent it as she wasn't a nice person. But glad he finally found his other half and love her very much. They have since downsized and moved to a bungalow in different county but because the sale of the house covered the cost of buying the bungalow outright. They both still thank me for helping them 6 years later. But I did it because I love them and knew it would be repaid.

Your son should have paid the money back before any renovations. So you are right to ask for the money in full. He's had enough time.

You are not being unreasonable, in fact to wait this long for repayment proves quite the opposite! As others have said, unless you have some sort of documentary evidence I fear you may seriously fall out with your brother over this. That is the danger of loaning money to anyone, even family, as it changes your relationship with that person if you feel you are being taken advantage of. If he says he has overspent on his new renovations and cannot afford to pay where does that leave you? I do not believe that anyone "forgets" that they owe £5000. I wish you the best of luck in such difficult circumstances.

If there was a profit from the sale of his house your DB should have paid the loan back then. You certainly are not being unreasonable. Why not tell him you are thinking of moving but need £5K to help out with finances!

Nothing unreasonable at all. I think you need to sit him down and have a frank chat about when you can expect to see the money back. Firstly make it clear that he's actions have hurt you, then discuss a plan on how and when he is going to pay you back.

I lent DS and DiL money for a car. They set up a direct debit to pay me back but after much of it was paid back their circumstances changed and they asked if they could hold back on further payments. I didn't mind at all and in the end I think they forgot they still owed the money. Eventually I had a bit of a cash flow problem so asked for the money back and had it within a couple of hours!

At the moment I owe them money for a shared holiday which they booked. We worked out how much I owe but it is an expensive time for me again so I asked if I can pay in a month or two. DS said this is the first year since his marriage that he hasn't had money worries so told me not to rush!

Hopefully it has slipped their minds and they will feel bad you had to remind them, but it is awkward asking about such things. Don't feel bad. They should have made repaying you a priority before spending on their new home.

He needs to pay it back ASP. It sounds to me as if he hopes you will forget as if you would that amount.
Keep repeating your request until his conscience pricks and he pays back. He dared to ask to borrow so you can dare to ask for a payback.

I have lent money (not those sort of amounts) to two grandkids one for a decent second hand car. one for a new phone but they set up a monthly repayment DD plan before they received the money from me
We treated it like a bank loan but without the ridiculous interest added, so far it’s worked well
You are not being at all unreasonable but your brother is
Can ‘you find’ something that you need the money for asap

He should have paid it back when he downsized and started renovations . We have just gone to court to get the money our daughter borrowed 6 years ago and not paid back . They can afford weekends away new cars and days out not to mention computers built espeacilly for gaming. Been blunt sorry he is taking the mickey out of you and getting away with it. If nicely asking doesn’t do it just tell him there are other ways you can get it back.

We borrowed money from my parents many years ago... and we wrote out an agreement which all 4 of us signed and set up direct debit to pay it all back. Then signed document was then updated by all of us.
Family is family but business is business and nothing causes more dispute than money.
Send him an email reminding him the amount is still outstanding and asking him to explain when it will be repaid, in full.

My dad used to lend his sister money on a regular basis and he would never ask her for it. And she would never offer unless someone asked on his behalf. We were bought up if you can’t afford to repay don’t lend. No contact no proof he could say it was a gift. So you did right asking him and 24hrs later he’s not giving I would keep asking him. Until it appears in my hand

How did you message him. Can you see that he had read the message. Was it by WhatsApp or Messenger. I prefer this to e-mail as I can see if it's been seen.
No response in a day or so means he's avoiding you and I'd ring him keeping it amiable saying you're now needing it for X, Y or Z.

Absolutely you should have been repaid.
Have you had a reply to your message.

Two of our sons have had a loan from us of £5000 and are repaying at £200 per month. Never missing a payment. One patches by DD the other just transfers each payment. On one occasion the payment didn't arrive. So unlike him. I gave it a week and then sent a message saying...... "Have I
missed something, I don't see this month's payment?" With a Smiley. He was mortified and it was delivered into my account immediately. He had forgotten and asked me to immediately remind him if it ever happened again.

Every so often I tell them what the balance is.

I do hope your brother apologises and repays promptly.

Send a message each day (or week ) until he responds. This is very unfair of him not to have addressed it sooner.

crazyH

Always remember - only lend money, which you can afford to lose.

This is very true.

You cannot make somebody pay back money you lend them. They can just say they can’t afford it or they can say they understood it was a gift.

You would need very good proof that you did lend it anyway. A bank statement showing it going from your account to his is not good enough. You could have been gifting it.

If they put in high end kitchens and patio etc then surely he has the money to repay you.
It's very kind for you to offer that he can repay in installments.
I hope that in all the crazy renovations and moving, it simply slipped his mind but I know from my own experience that some ask for a loan but see it as gift. And then they do not take it very nicely when reminded it was a loan.
I hope very much your brother reacts the "right" way and you have certainly the right to ask for loan to be repaid.

My brother is in receipt of state benefits due to severe and long standing health issues.

He will often ask if he can borrow small amounts of money - every penny is paid back immediately he receives his payments!

You are definitely not being unreasonable!
He is !
He is behaving disgracefully - it is a shame he has defaulted on his promise.
I doubt it that you had a contract or any document proving the loan!
So legally I don’t know where you stand? You may have to get legal advice.
Tell him, you need it back urgently. He doesn’t need to know any details.
Just pay it back

crazyH

Always remember - only lend money, which you can afford to lose.

That may be wise, as sometimes you won't get it back, but that doesn't alter the fact that someone borrowing money does so on the understanding that it will be paid back.

IMO, buying luxury items and having house renovations should wait until after the money is repaid. Borrowing and not paying back is tantamount to theft. I don't think the OP needs to feel at all uncomfortable about asking for it back.