Asking for money back

Good grief, No you are not being unreasonable or money grabbing . He should have repaid the money long ago. You seem to have put the request very nicely. Keep on reminding him and tell him you really need it back.

I totally agree with GSM your brother should have repaid the loan before embarking on expensive renovation work. You are being more than reasonable NannyB2604 don't let this go it's your hard earned money.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable! Your brother is well out of order and should be ashamed of himself. I think you have been very accommodating waiting this long.

Your brother's the one who is being unreasonable Nanny, he should have made arrangements to repay the loan before embarking on expensive renovations.

In the circumstances, it's good of you to ask for the money to be repaid in instalments.

Always remember - only lend money, which you can afford to lose.

Where is his sense of decency? He should have paid you back before doing any renovations..

Of course you want your money back. I understand you don't want to rock the family boat but your brother knows that and is using it to his advantage. He is playing on your good nature! Do you have someone willing to speak on your behalf to your brother, husband or adult child?You are not being unreasonable you want your money back , time to let him know you mean business. Good luck 🍀

Whatever makes you think you are money-grabbing?
It is your money and you shouldn't have to ask.

It's so awkward having to ask for the return of a loan, it makes me angry and resentful and plays on my mind. You always end up feeling that it is you in the wrong.

I hope your brother had just forgotten and that he wasn't trying to avoid it.

Of course you should ask for it.

Goodness me! When my daughter split from her husband ( they owned two houses) and she moved into the smaller house …she wanted to move during 6 week school holiday for obvious reasons ( they’re both teachers) so she asked for a loan if £3000 to re-decorate and furnish the second home ….
I said yes but insisted as soon as she got the cash settlement from her husband ( he kept the larger house) then I would need it back. She got her settlement four months later at 9 am and transferred my money to me at 9.10. Your brother is ‘pushing his luck ‘ and I think maybe this loan will never be repaid … unless you had it in writing!?

YANBU at all. Tell him you want it now. Instalments are no good if you are moving house. He's taking advantage!

What will you do if your brother says he hasn't got it?

With some experience, I suspect that when you do contact him, he will come up with some reason why he can't quite manage to pay you back immediately. but assure you that he will do it soon.
Make sure you have copies of your bank statement with the money going out to him.
I suggest you email your request so that he will reply in the same way and so you can keep a copy of whatever he has said.
And NO you are not being unreasonable!!! HE IS!!!!

crazyH

Always remember - only lend money, which you can afford to lose.

That may be wise, as sometimes you won't get it back, but that doesn't alter the fact that someone borrowing money does so on the understanding that it will be paid back.

IMO, buying luxury items and having house renovations should wait until after the money is repaid. Borrowing and not paying back is tantamount to theft. I don't think the OP needs to feel at all uncomfortable about asking for it back.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!
He is !
He is behaving disgracefully - it is a shame he has defaulted on his promise.
I doubt it that you had a contract or any document proving the loan!
So legally I don’t know where you stand? You may have to get legal advice.
Tell him, you need it back urgently. He doesn’t need to know any details.
Just pay it back

My brother is in receipt of state benefits due to severe and long standing health issues.

He will often ask if he can borrow small amounts of money - every penny is paid back immediately he receives his payments!

If they put in high end kitchens and patio etc then surely he has the money to repay you.
It's very kind for you to offer that he can repay in installments.
I hope that in all the crazy renovations and moving, it simply slipped his mind but I know from my own experience that some ask for a loan but see it as gift. And then they do not take it very nicely when reminded it was a loan.
I hope very much your brother reacts the "right" way and you have certainly the right to ask for loan to be repaid.

crazyH

Always remember - only lend money, which you can afford to lose.

This is very true.

You cannot make somebody pay back money you lend them. They can just say they can’t afford it or they can say they understood it was a gift.

You would need very good proof that you did lend it anyway. A bank statement showing it going from your account to his is not good enough. You could have been gifting it.

Send a message each day (or week ) until he responds. This is very unfair of him not to have addressed it sooner.

Absolutely you should have been repaid.
Have you had a reply to your message.

Two of our sons have had a loan from us of £5000 and are repaying at £200 per month. Never missing a payment. One patches by DD the other just transfers each payment. On one occasion the payment didn't arrive. So unlike him. I gave it a week and then sent a message saying...... "Have I
missed something, I don't see this month's payment?" With a Smiley. He was mortified and it was delivered into my account immediately. He had forgotten and asked me to immediately remind him if it ever happened again.

Every so often I tell them what the balance is.

I do hope your brother apologises and repays promptly.

How did you message him. Can you see that he had read the message. Was it by WhatsApp or Messenger. I prefer this to e-mail as I can see if it's been seen.
No response in a day or so means he's avoiding you and I'd ring him keeping it amiable saying you're now needing it for X, Y or Z.

My dad used to lend his sister money on a regular basis and he would never ask her for it. And she would never offer unless someone asked on his behalf. We were bought up if you can’t afford to repay don’t lend. No contact no proof he could say it was a gift. So you did right asking him and 24hrs later he’s not giving I would keep asking him. Until it appears in my hand

We borrowed money from my parents many years ago... and we wrote out an agreement which all 4 of us signed and set up direct debit to pay it all back. Then signed document was then updated by all of us.
Family is family but business is business and nothing causes more dispute than money.
Send him an email reminding him the amount is still outstanding and asking him to explain when it will be repaid, in full.