I find it difficult to cope with people who talk too much

If someone wants to talk to me I will listen I think why not unless I am pushed for time.
I was having a very difficult time years ago and I spoke to friends and people I didn't know. They were willing to listen and showed me compassion. I think it saved my sanity tbh.

Mama2020

As someone who has ADHD and has a hard time regulating how much I talk, we're sorry. I often think back to conversations after and feel much anxious embarrassment and worry that I may have dominated the conversation. I always promise myself I'll stay quieter next time and always fail. It's a compulsion/impulse that can be difficult to control, even for those who try.

Nothing to be sorry about! Chat away! Some people are just insensitive to other people’s needs!

I know loads of people like this. I just let them talk, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not one for talking about myself anyway. I’m interested in people so I just let them chat away.

As someone who has ADHD and has a hard time regulating how much I talk, we're sorry. I often think back to conversations after and feel much anxious embarrassment and worry that I may have dominated the conversation. I always promise myself I'll stay quieter next time and always fail. It's a compulsion/impulse that can be difficult to control, even for those who try.

Sorry Allsorts it was just a question. I thought you find the subject matter boring and wondered if you could steer the rampant talker on to something different or interesting for a change.
I don't expect people to ask after me apart from the cursory how are you?

I think as we get older in many cases our world gets smaller. I am not a shrinking violet and I probably repeat myself like most people, but contacts who dominate the conversation and brag do get to me.

These are often people who talk very loudly as though they want the whole room to hear.

Recently , I've had an overdose of people phoning me up and telling me about their problems for over an hour at a time .

When I begin to speak - they have to go because they are so busy !

I had it yesterday from my son's father in law .
I'd sent him a text about a meet up , but he was too lazy to read it and laughed .

About to go into the garden before the rain - I was exasperated .

Hetty that's happened to me, someone blocking me from interacting with the group, however I never said anything. I am often with that lady and avoid sitting next to her. You did what I should have.

We have an isolated neighbour here. She's outlived her friends and family and walks her two little dogs several times every day. She's not a poor little soul, though, far from it, she's just adapted to live a different life. She'll chat away about the dogs, weather, gardens - and that's fine. She asks about our families and remembers what we said, too.

I find groups a bit difficult, unless it's a group working on something purposeful together (like volunteering or the allotments). I can only manage mundane chit chat and listening with interest. I don't expect much more.

Any serious (deep, meaningful) chats I can do one-to-one. As I think 'differently' (autism) I often have opinions that clash with others. I need time to explain them and the logic behind them.

I like to discuss things, usually in an effort to understand other people - often a mystery to me. I'll never just agree with them to keep the peace or be sociable, though, - not these days. I say what I think - not always appreciated.

I did have a nasty experience when at lunch with a group of ex colleagues. A woman I'd never really got on with had the misfortune of sitting next to me. She promptly turned sideways on her chair (back towards me) to chat with my friend on her other side.

Being on the end, I was totally blocked from any contact to my right - so chatted to people opposite. Meanwhile, my anger at her awful manners was rising.

Eventually, I tapped her on the back and asked (rather loudly) if I'd offended her in some way. No, I hadn't. Well, in that case, would she mind sitting properly on her chair so that I could talk to everyone as well?

Grammaretto, I don't quite know why you singled me out, this is about people who talk too much on usually the same subject , which you have heard many times, they could always ask how you are sometimes.😬

Ww - you put me to shame. All day I’ve been trying to avoid my neighbour M, by closing the curtains. She is 84, quite agile, but visits daily, constantly talks about the men who she meets in the pub. She has no family as such - well, she has, but until her husband passed away, the two of them lived in a world of their own, not keeping touch with nieces etc. So now, she has no regular visitors. She tells me she wants a man. That really grates…..she is otherwise harmless. But I feel I can’t bear to hear any of her man talk. Perhaps I’m jealous 😂

We went on the Northern Belle train trip recently. We shared a table with two women (guessing late 50s - early 60s) from the minute they got on they talked non stop. First one of them was reading out all her text messages to her friend (phones had to be switched off). They then went through kids, marriage, death, funerals, jobs, clothes, ailments, hospital appointments, gyms, keeping fit etc for 5 hours!! I don’t think they even looked out of the window once.

As soon as we got off my husband said “OMG couldn’t they yap!! They could beat you and X (my best friend) any day.”

I have consciously isolated myself over the past few years. My entire family,numbering 9 people - 3 children and 6 adults, 4 of whom, including ourselves, are retired - has been seriously ill with various conditions including some that are life changing and one that resulted in 3 multi - agency episodes in quick succession before appropriate treatment was provided... Another relative had to come out of retirement to coordinate the local area's Covid response.. Of the 2 still working, both, also in the NHS, have been diagnosed with life changing illness..... one has managed to continued to work throughout and the other returned to work nearly 2 years ago. If I saw someone I knew, I could feel I was oversharing about all this and did not want to burden others who doubtless had problems of their own....hence my self isolation. I have lost a great deal of confidence in the process but now that there is only one truly frightening situation which so far has taken 8 months to process instead of 6 weeks and DH's very worrying symptoms are being investigated at last, I am beginning to be able to moderate my behaviour. As others have said, we never really know what others are going through.....

What should they talk about then? Allsorts
Are certain subjects taboo or is the repetition which gets you down?

My DM had what we called trigger stories. Which means if you mentioned a topic it would remind her of the time when, or the people who, ad infinitum!

I am probably going the same way so like M0nica's friend, can you just tell me to stop.

Autism/Aspergers, and also ADHD. It is a problem I have because I have ADHD, at times, especially if stressed or nervous, I can jabber on. I try to notice when I am doing it and control it, But one friend deals with it very effectively, she turns round and the nicest possible way says 'Shut-up, your jabbering.' - and I appreciate her saying so.

Allsorts
You could introduce your friends to each other, then sit back and enjoy the fun! 🤣

I am in regular contact with someone who delivers monologues/lectures, as opposed to a conversation, on the 4 subjects he thinks he knows a lot about . He has no interest whatsoever in anything else such as what is happening with me. I come away from visiting so angry and exhausted from listening to him and trying to deflect the conversation onto more general topics. I continue visiting as he sees so few people but I don't know how much longer I can do it for my own sanity. I agree with the comment regarding Aspergers/ Autism and investigating on Google shows him to be a narcissistic conversationalist. Look it up it's fascinating.

I have three friends who talk continuously about the same things, one it’s her childhood, the other it’s other peoples health, , the other it’s her, her latest drama, purchase, what she said to her neighbours, sometimes I think I can’t stand it any more, I’ve given up trying to get a word in. However they don’t know each other and I don’t see them every week and they do have redeeming qualities as well and I couldn't hurt their feeling. Whitewave, that poor lady only seeing someone once a year, why can’t she join a group, the library anything. She must feel so unloved, thank goodness you talk to her. If she got out more perhaps she wouldn’t be so boring. I live on my own and know how nice it us to catch up and talk face to face, but I am aware no one wants to hear what I’ve got to say too much if tge time.

My husband can't cope with group conversations at all, he finds it difficult to get his voice heard. Often I have seen him about to nod off when we have several people round. I do try to include him but it becomes hard work.

MayBee70 at least you realise you're doing it! So many over-talkers have no idea of how to 'converse'. Maybe they just often don't feel empathy with other people.

I’m with WW2. None of us know what’s round the corner? At least that lady has a dog for company and that gets her out and about.
However, the OP says she had frequent contact with her group, so perhaps put up with things and leave after an hour as you already do or perhaps reduce the amount of contact?
Personally, I wouldn’t isolate myself from your group - just get home and relax.

I’m quite nervous socially and find myself talking too much out of nerves, and then feel embarrassed about it

Whitewavemark2

I’m coming at it from a different angle.

I (now that he is very old) walk the dog in the local park every morning, and as a result have got to know lots of people.

One particular lady walks her dogs there at least twice a day, and I have learned that she is entirely alone in the world. She sees no one except her sister in law on Boxing Day every year for lunch. That is it.

She is poor soul the most boring person, repeating the same thing day after day after day, but I can’t possibly try to avoid her knowing what I do about her life. She is also quite poor.

So in a very weird way I welcome her chat, although I do find it a bit mind blowing, the people she sees in the park are all she has, and folk are aware if it snd always make a point to walk with her or stand and pass the time of day, even though they have heard it word for word a thousand times.

Thank goodness there are some lovely kind people in this World.

I have two friends and a SiL like this. They all live with husbands and have children and social lives. My SiL spends over an hour on the phone talking at me repeating herself many times. I come off the phone literally spinning.
One friend is a bragger and doesn’t stop telling me about what they’ve bought and where they’ve been. The other friend doesn’t draw breath, and moans about everything, is full of self pity and when I try to tell her something happening with me she will tell me about someone she knows who has experienced the same thing. I often get texts from her asking me questions about something I’ve told her about a couple of times with the excuse ‘you know what my memory’s like’. Nothing to do with memory, more like engaging mouth too much.

I am considering dropping all of them for my own peace of mind.

Baggs, that could well be the problem with the husband of the person I mentioned. That is an interesting thought.