I find it difficult to cope with people who talk too much

singingnutty this is what is good about Gransnet, you can have your “two penneth” without being interrupted.

I’m coming at it from a different angle.

I (now that he is very old) walk the dog in the local park every morning, and as a result have got to know lots of people.

One particular lady walks her dogs there at least twice a day, and I have learned that she is entirely alone in the world. She sees no one except her sister in law on Boxing Day every year for lunch. That is it.

She is poor soul the most boring person, repeating the same thing day after day after day, but I can’t possibly try to avoid her knowing what I do about her life. She is also quite poor.

So in a very weird way I welcome her chat, although I do find it a bit mind blowing, the people she sees in the park are all she has, and folk are aware if it snd always make a point to walk with her or stand and pass the time of day, even though they have heard it word for word a thousand times.

Yes, it’s called verbal diarrhoea 🤮

You're not wet at all! I can recognise a lot of what you have written.
One talkative friend once commented that I was quiet and was surprised when I replied,
"Well it's hard to get a word in" 😁
Maybe try that comment with your in-laws?

I'm the same. From a different perspective: I've noticed particularly in many group situations which aren't well facilitated, the loudest get all the attention and help as they power their way to be noticed [and never forgotten!]. Quieter people get overlooked there's no doubt about that. I've left a therapy group after getting no help whatsoever due to this behaviour.

I've also endured constant droning of self pity without the person seeming to have any self awareness. I hasten to add this is after months and years or trying to support this person. But my patience was tested to my limits, their self indulgence a drip, drip like water torture. Saying the same things in order to help them progress to see it all ignored and realising they do not want to move on. The attention and drama is what feeds these types.
I won't feed it and avoid these self absorbed personalities.

I also have known someone who never stops to take a breath, no interest in other people. It's amazing to experience.

I try and interject during ramblings when it's appropriate, but am usually met by looks which say any other input is not welcome during their monologues. These people are selfish, have no self awareness and have no manners. I'm not A type A personality and do not wish to be. I find them tiring and often condescending. I just avoid now, not wasting my energy.

There are plenty of people out there who know how to converse and interact and listen with interest to quieter people and understand we are not all pushy nor in love with our own voices.

There is a difference though between being lonely and needing to chat with people and those who just like the sound of their own voice.

Whitewavemark2

I’m coming at it from a different angle.

I (now that he is very old) walk the dog in the local park every morning, and as a result have got to know lots of people.

One particular lady walks her dogs there at least twice a day, and I have learned that she is entirely alone in the world. She sees no one except her sister in law on Boxing Day every year for lunch. That is it.

She is poor soul the most boring person, repeating the same thing day after day after day, but I can’t possibly try to avoid her knowing what I do about her life. She is also quite poor.

So in a very weird way I welcome her chat, although I do find it a bit mind blowing, the people she sees in the park are all she has, and folk are aware if it snd always make a point to walk with her or stand and pass the time of day, even though they have heard it word for word a thousand times.

How compassionate you all are WW. probably you are keeping this poor soul alive and well

I do wonder just what makes some people so verbose? We’re they always like that even as a child?
Was it a strategy to cope with being ignored by their parents and /or other siblings?
They have to tell all that they know about a subject, and seem unaware of the glazed expressions of their listeners/victims.
It can be exhausting as opposed to exhilarating.

pascal30

Whitewavemark2

I’m coming at it from a different angle.

I (now that he is very old) walk the dog in the local park every morning, and as a result have got to know lots of people.

One particular lady walks her dogs there at least twice a day, and I have learned that she is entirely alone in the world. She sees no one except her sister in law on Boxing Day every year for lunch. That is it.

She is poor soul the most boring person, repeating the same thing day after day after day, but I can’t possibly try to avoid her knowing what I do about her life. She is also quite poor.

So in a very weird way I welcome her chat, although I do find it a bit mind blowing, the people she sees in the park are all she has, and folk are aware if it snd always make a point to walk with her or stand and pass the time of day, even though they have heard it word for word a thousand times.

How compassionate you all are WW. probably you are keeping this poor soul alive and well

Not really I’m no different to anyone else I think. I bet you’d do the same in the same position, and honestly it is only an hour of my life😄

It is interesting, some people can be quite good story tellers and I always imagine them round a camp fire telling the sagas but others just seem to have no self awareness or ability to hold a conversation. One family member lives on their own and I do let them get everything off their chest almost as a safety valve. A dear friend who I like very much talks at me and last time we met had to text afterwards to ask me about a family member who in all the circumstances should have been top of the chat list.

They have to tell all that they know about a subject, and seem unaware of the glazed expressions of their listeners/victims.

Autism/Aspergers can have this effect.

Baggs, that could well be the problem with the husband of the person I mentioned. That is an interesting thought.

I have two friends and a SiL like this. They all live with husbands and have children and social lives. My SiL spends over an hour on the phone talking at me repeating herself many times. I come off the phone literally spinning.
One friend is a bragger and doesn’t stop telling me about what they’ve bought and where they’ve been. The other friend doesn’t draw breath, and moans about everything, is full of self pity and when I try to tell her something happening with me she will tell me about someone she knows who has experienced the same thing. I often get texts from her asking me questions about something I’ve told her about a couple of times with the excuse ‘you know what my memory’s like’. Nothing to do with memory, more like engaging mouth too much.

I am considering dropping all of them for my own peace of mind.

Whitewavemark2

I’m coming at it from a different angle.

I (now that he is very old) walk the dog in the local park every morning, and as a result have got to know lots of people.

One particular lady walks her dogs there at least twice a day, and I have learned that she is entirely alone in the world. She sees no one except her sister in law on Boxing Day every year for lunch. That is it.

She is poor soul the most boring person, repeating the same thing day after day after day, but I can’t possibly try to avoid her knowing what I do about her life. She is also quite poor.

So in a very weird way I welcome her chat, although I do find it a bit mind blowing, the people she sees in the park are all she has, and folk are aware if it snd always make a point to walk with her or stand and pass the time of day, even though they have heard it word for word a thousand times.

Thank goodness there are some lovely kind people in this World.

I’m quite nervous socially and find myself talking too much out of nerves, and then feel embarrassed about it

I’m with WW2. None of us know what’s round the corner? At least that lady has a dog for company and that gets her out and about.
However, the OP says she had frequent contact with her group, so perhaps put up with things and leave after an hour as you already do or perhaps reduce the amount of contact?
Personally, I wouldn’t isolate myself from your group - just get home and relax.

MayBee70 at least you realise you're doing it! So many over-talkers have no idea of how to 'converse'. Maybe they just often don't feel empathy with other people.

My husband can't cope with group conversations at all, he finds it difficult to get his voice heard. Often I have seen him about to nod off when we have several people round. I do try to include him but it becomes hard work.

I have three friends who talk continuously about the same things, one it’s her childhood, the other it’s other peoples health, , the other it’s her, her latest drama, purchase, what she said to her neighbours, sometimes I think I can’t stand it any more, I’ve given up trying to get a word in. However they don’t know each other and I don’t see them every week and they do have redeeming qualities as well and I couldn't hurt their feeling. Whitewave, that poor lady only seeing someone once a year, why can’t she join a group, the library anything. She must feel so unloved, thank goodness you talk to her. If she got out more perhaps she wouldn’t be so boring. I live on my own and know how nice it us to catch up and talk face to face, but I am aware no one wants to hear what I’ve got to say too much if tge time.

I am in regular contact with someone who delivers monologues/lectures, as opposed to a conversation, on the 4 subjects he thinks he knows a lot about . He has no interest whatsoever in anything else such as what is happening with me. I come away from visiting so angry and exhausted from listening to him and trying to deflect the conversation onto more general topics. I continue visiting as he sees so few people but I don't know how much longer I can do it for my own sanity. I agree with the comment regarding Aspergers/ Autism and investigating on Google shows him to be a narcissistic conversationalist. Look it up it's fascinating.

Allsorts
You could introduce your friends to each other, then sit back and enjoy the fun! 🤣

Autism/Aspergers, and also ADHD. It is a problem I have because I have ADHD, at times, especially if stressed or nervous, I can jabber on. I try to notice when I am doing it and control it, But one friend deals with it very effectively, she turns round and the nicest possible way says 'Shut-up, your jabbering.' - and I appreciate her saying so.

What should they talk about then? Allsorts
Are certain subjects taboo or is the repetition which gets you down?

My DM had what we called trigger stories. Which means if you mentioned a topic it would remind her of the time when, or the people who, ad infinitum!

I am probably going the same way so like M0nica's friend, can you just tell me to stop.

I have consciously isolated myself over the past few years. My entire family,numbering 9 people - 3 children and 6 adults, 4 of whom, including ourselves, are retired - has been seriously ill with various conditions including some that are life changing and one that resulted in 3 multi - agency episodes in quick succession before appropriate treatment was provided... Another relative had to come out of retirement to coordinate the local area's Covid response.. Of the 2 still working, both, also in the NHS, have been diagnosed with life changing illness..... one has managed to continued to work throughout and the other returned to work nearly 2 years ago. If I saw someone I knew, I could feel I was oversharing about all this and did not want to burden others who doubtless had problems of their own....hence my self isolation. I have lost a great deal of confidence in the process but now that there is only one truly frightening situation which so far has taken 8 months to process instead of 6 weeks and DH's very worrying symptoms are being investigated at last, I am beginning to be able to moderate my behaviour. As others have said, we never really know what others are going through.....