Disco at a function spoiling the evening- AIBU?

It seems that DJs like to feel in control of everything and with a deafening racket going on, people can't interact properly. Why do they always play awful cliched music. There is so much fabulous music available but we get YMCA and other rubbish.

maddyone

I think many DJs are arrogant. Despite requests to turn down the volume they rarely do.

That’s my experience too!

They did not go to a disco. They went to a “social sports club”… in other words (in the US, known as) a sports bar.

Anytime you go to a club/bar associated with SPORTS it’s going to be loud, and when they have a DJ, very loud - so that you can feel the beat coming up through the floor into your knees.

Trying to negotiate with a DJ is almost useless. You have to deal with management instead (that hired the DJ) because it’s a sports club and that is their business model.

You are not being unreasonable. Maybe the daughter didn’t think this all the way through in selecting a popular place over a more quiet venue when it comes to seniors. After all the “honoree” is 70!
USA Gundy

Hithere

I don't think dj was arrogant, he/she was following instructions from the host/hostess

You were just a guest and this party style was not your cup of tea - understandable

I agree Hithere. It’s not the DJ who is being arrogant. He’s doing his job as paid for by the host. Guests who accept the invitation should support the host in making the party a success. To do otherwise is very inconsiderate.
Witzend, I feel very sorry for the bride and groom you let down by leaving. No doubt, they were too polite to let you know how disappointed and rejected they felt at being let down. Six people and an empty table can make a difference to the party atmosphere.
But please don’t feel picked on. There are a number of others on here that have let down the hosts by not joining in and moaning about the type of event (disco) even though this was no doubt on the invitation .
Consider the hosts feelings as they have thought enough of you to include you on the guest list and have gone to a lot of expense, time and energy in organising a party, often for another loved one, in the hope that everyone has a good time. If you know you won’t enjoy it, either turn down the invite or accept, join in and enjoy - even if you have to pretend to.

We were at a similar “do” recently (a 65th birthday as it happens). We were sat well away from the speakers but still the app on my phone was registering over 105 decibels for some significant periods. That’s well into the area of “potential damage to hearing”. We left early.

Sadly I find that most music is played way too loudly these days. It leaves my ears ringing. I keep asking myself "Is it really necessary?"

Margomar we have endured events like this, and even in some restaurants the 'background' music has been too loud, with the result that everyone is shouting, and it becomes unbearable. How sad that the arrogant DJ spoiled your chance to catch up with friends and family

Paperbackwriter

henetha

Seems inappropriate for a 70 year old. Just a bit of gentle background music is fine, but a noisy disco is not.

Blimey - that's a bit of a joyless statement! Why NOT a disco? Lots of people our age still like to dance the night away!

Indeed, many of my older friends do! And not all young people enjoy a disco - I never have.
Am also interested in how many 'dos' a lot of you go to!

henetha

Seems inappropriate for a 70 year old. Just a bit of gentle background music is fine, but a noisy disco is not.

Blimey - that's a bit of a joyless statement! Why NOT a disco? Lots of people our age still like to dance the night away!

The key question is was the party girl up and dancing, if she was and she enjoyed it, that’s what matters?
If she didn’t dance, then the people who organised the party had misjudged what she would like.

A silent disco can be the answer to this type of problem. We went to a wedding that had one and it was a huge success. Everyone that wanted to dance had headphones and there was a choice of three different streams of music so not only could you choose the type of music you wanted to dance to, you could also control the volume you wanted it at.
Those that wanted to sit and chat could do so with no problem. The headphones also had coloured lights on them. It was quite amusing watching people dancing in apparent silence. Also you could also grab some headphones if you were just sitting and wanted a bit of background music to listen to.

Absolutely normal, all the parties I go to are the same with everyone who can leaving the room to chat, 2 this month everyone was in the garden, disco was playing to himself

Shelflife

Sent to a wedding recently, the evening dico was unbelievably loud!!!
Even the bride and groom were unhappy about it , DJ was asked repeatedly to turn the noise down - it was a request that he ignored all evening!!! We had to retire to our room to escape the noise - and we were not the only ones. The evening was ruined, no chance of chatting to friends/ relatives we had seen for a long time. By the time we retired to our room I was exhausted by struggling to hold a conversation - absolute nightmare!!!! Will think twice about putting ourselves in that situation again.

Shelflife I absolutely understand how it made you feel, it can be exhausting and distressing to shout over loud music for a whole evening. It’s also bad for your health, raising blood pressure, causing tinnitus etc. Discos for o.dear people should come with a health warning! 😡

Not unreasonable at all. I was at a wedding recently and the music was far too loud. It wasn't even a huge room ,so really didn't need to be as loud as it was. I ended up leaving early because I just couldn't stand it anymore.

Wise advice , will opt out of any future evening do' s !! As for pulling the plug yggdrasil - had' nt crossed my mind unfortunately !!!!

shelflife: I'd have pulled the plug, literally :-)

I avoid discos like a plague.

Shelflife, similar previous experience was precisely why we and siblings/their spouses opted out of the whole evening bit last time.
I honestly don’t think anybody took offence - we’d given nice cash gifts, for which we later received an amazingly prompt and very nice thank you card.

Sent to a wedding recently, the evening dico was unbelievably loud!!!
Even the bride and groom were unhappy about it , DJ was asked repeatedly to turn the noise down - it was a request that he ignored all evening!!! We had to retire to our room to escape the noise - and we were not the only ones. The evening was ruined, no chance of chatting to friends/ relatives we had seen for a long time. By the time we retired to our room I was exhausted by struggling to hold a conversation - absolute nightmare!!!! Will think twice about putting ourselves in that situation again.

I’ve also seen this at children’s parties recently. Ridiculously loud music being played. We had to bring my 6 year old grandson home from one as he just sat with his hands over his ears hating every moment and he wasn’t alone!!

Oopsadaisy1

I think it’s up to the party givers to organise either suitable music, so that people can chat or make sure the venue has a separate room that we can escape too, especially If we have been placed near the DJs speakers!

I agree. This is what should really be happening I think.

A family wedding recently did this. There were three "quieter" spaces (one with a string quartet), and a "dancing" room which had a lot of loud music.

Glorianny

I think it's best to have the evening split and not let the DJ start until people are finishing their meal. By then everyone has had chance to chat and catch up, had a few drinks and are ready to dance. And those who really don't want to stay out late or don't like the music can quietly slip away.

Thing is, though, you may well have been seated away from people you’d have liked to chat to, who you maybe don’t see very often, so if the dinner is almost immediately followed by deafening music, there’s no chance.
Unless as in my pp, you slip out in the drizzle like SiL and I had to!

I was very glad that at DD’s wedding there was a separate area for the disco, so people who wanted to chat in peace - and there were plenty of them - could do so.

I’m ok with music after the food. What I find difficult is strobe lightning as it can bring on a migraine. We went to a wedding years ago and I spent most of my time in the bar because of the strobing.

I don't think dj was arrogant, he/she was following instructions from the host/hostess

You were just a guest and this party style was not your cup of tea - understandable

I have never understood this desire for deafening noise from the very first discotheque, as they were called in 1964, in a basement at UCL, full volume or nothing.
If I could have heard what the very handsome student I was dancing with said, we might have made a go of it.
Or perhaps not!