Disco at a function spoiling the evening- AIBU?

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable especially given the age of the birthday lady. I think it might be nice to having ‘quiet background music’ so folk can chat and catch up, then maybe an hour of dance music after the buffet with the DJ to suit the younger crowd for a bit and for those oldies who aren’t waiting for new hips/knees! It would be a nice mix if there was ‘something for everyone’. I will bear this in mind if I’m ever organising a bit of a doo in the future ...
🤔

No. The problem is that DJs don’t see themselves as providing background music.
Better just to have another way of providing background music and a different room for chatting.

I think many DJs are arrogant. Despite requests to turn down the volume they rarely do.

Seems inappropriate for a 70 year old. Just a bit of gentle background music is fine, but a noisy disco is not.

That’s annoying,Margomar and I have experienced this,too. Fine when everyone is up dancing but awful when you are eating and just chatting. They had this at one of our Probus parties and we asked them to give us a break, we really didn’t need it. Not so easy if it isn’t your function I suppose.

I think it’s up to the party givers to organise either suitable music, so that people can chat or make sure the venue has a separate room that we can escape too, especially If we have been placed near the DJs speakers!

No.

I personally hate them. However, it really is up to the party organiser and what they want. I know many people who think the idea of 'sitting chatting' for an evening absolutely dire, and would hate that as much as I hate discos!

Ideally at a mixed evening, I like music in one room and a quiet spot to chat. However that can really put up the price of a venue, so some people just have to choose.

I try to find out what the evening is going to be like, and either turn down the invitation, or go for a short while if it's loud music that excludes me. But age has only a little to do with it - it is true that as people get older, their hearing may be such that some music is especially irritating. But I have always hated loud music and have never been able to dance, so have never liked those sorts of evenings. However, I've had some great conversations outside!

In this case it was the daughter who organised it and when we very politely asked if she could ask the DJ to turn it down a bit, she seemed doubtful, as if it was out of her control. When I organised a party for DH’s 60th, the hotel wanted to provide music for the function room - absolutely no way, not with 120 guests eating and talking! It was a fabulous evening, mad disco dancing after the food! I’m inclined to agree with Maddyone, DJ’s see to be quite arrogant!

My DF organised her mother’s 80th birthday party in a hall and as my DF loves karaoke, the major part of the evening was taken up with it. I was reluctantly dragged up to sing too as we both sing professionally.
I’m pretty sure her mother wouldn’t have chosen this herself, she just looked on quietly.
Younger members of the family spent their time on their phones🙄

Not unreasonable at all. We went to a wedding earlier this year and the music was so loud that it was quite painful. We found a side room and escaped in there with a drink. We were quickly followed by a fair number of guests and not just the older ones! Much more pleasant and better for catching up with family we don’t see a lot of.

I agree re DJs who think they're in charge and their job is to provide all possible entertainment. If we're at a function like that we leave the room as soon as they start and we're not alone. We've ended up having great chats on stairs, odd seating areas in the entrance hall or in quiet lounges depending on the venue.

Funnygran

Not unreasonable at all. We went to a wedding earlier this year and the music was so loud that it was quite painful. We found a side room and escaped in there with a drink. We were quickly followed by a fair number of guests and not just the older ones! Much more pleasant and better for catching up with family we don’t see a lot of.

I absolutely hate this at weddings, where there’s nowhere to escape to. A sister in law and I once had to go outside, in the drizzle, in order to be able to hold any sort of conversation without yelling at each other.

Last wedding we attended, dh and I, plus my two siblings and their spouses, all left shortly before the dinner and disco, and had a nice civilised evening elsewhere. Of course we did tell the B&G well advance, so they had 6 fewer dinners to pay for. I doubt they cared at all - there were plenty of their own generation there.
Dh and I had the added excuse that it was also our own wedding anniversary.

I think it's best to have the evening split and not let the DJ start until people are finishing their meal. By then everyone has had chance to chat and catch up, had a few drinks and are ready to dance. And those who really don't want to stay out late or don't like the music can quietly slip away.

I have never understood this desire for deafening noise from the very first discotheque, as they were called in 1964, in a basement at UCL, full volume or nothing.
If I could have heard what the very handsome student I was dancing with said, we might have made a go of it.
Or perhaps not!

I don't think dj was arrogant, he/she was following instructions from the host/hostess

You were just a guest and this party style was not your cup of tea - understandable

I’m ok with music after the food. What I find difficult is strobe lightning as it can bring on a migraine. We went to a wedding years ago and I spent most of my time in the bar because of the strobing.

Glorianny

I think it's best to have the evening split and not let the DJ start until people are finishing their meal. By then everyone has had chance to chat and catch up, had a few drinks and are ready to dance. And those who really don't want to stay out late or don't like the music can quietly slip away.

Thing is, though, you may well have been seated away from people you’d have liked to chat to, who you maybe don’t see very often, so if the dinner is almost immediately followed by deafening music, there’s no chance.
Unless as in my pp, you slip out in the drizzle like SiL and I had to!

I was very glad that at DD’s wedding there was a separate area for the disco, so people who wanted to chat in peace - and there were plenty of them - could do so.

Oopsadaisy1

I think it’s up to the party givers to organise either suitable music, so that people can chat or make sure the venue has a separate room that we can escape too, especially If we have been placed near the DJs speakers!

I agree. This is what should really be happening I think.

A family wedding recently did this. There were three "quieter" spaces (one with a string quartet), and a "dancing" room which had a lot of loud music.

I’ve also seen this at children’s parties recently. Ridiculously loud music being played. We had to bring my 6 year old grandson home from one as he just sat with his hands over his ears hating every moment and he wasn’t alone!!

Sent to a wedding recently, the evening dico was unbelievably loud!!!
Even the bride and groom were unhappy about it , DJ was asked repeatedly to turn the noise down - it was a request that he ignored all evening!!! We had to retire to our room to escape the noise - and we were not the only ones. The evening was ruined, no chance of chatting to friends/ relatives we had seen for a long time. By the time we retired to our room I was exhausted by struggling to hold a conversation - absolute nightmare!!!! Will think twice about putting ourselves in that situation again.

Shelflife, similar previous experience was precisely why we and siblings/their spouses opted out of the whole evening bit last time.
I honestly don’t think anybody took offence - we’d given nice cash gifts, for which we later received an amazingly prompt and very nice thank you card.

I avoid discos like a plague.

shelflife: I'd have pulled the plug, literally :-)