Minding GC for four days

I remember being pretty exhausted a lot of the time in my mid-20s with two children aged 1 and 3, let alone doing it now for 4 days! It sounds too much to me, particularly on your own. I'd have to say no in your situation unless there is someone, a close friend, who would be willing and able to share the responsibility with you and that the parents would trust to help you.

It's always been one of the downsides of parenthood for most couples that compromises have to be made, and trips away without the children are one of those compromises in this case, I feel.

Agree with others. It is too potentially dangerous.

Show your son and dil this thread, if they still think you are making a fuss about nothing.

It's always been one of the downsides of parenthood for most couples that compromises have to be made, and trips away without the children are one of those compromises in this case, I feel

Yes. These jollies might be lovely for young couples before the children arrive on the scene but have to be put on hold until they are older.

I couldn't do that!!

I don't think you only need to worry about having a stroke but also would you have the energy for such a task?

The point is you feel unsafe with the prospect and that needs to be honoured by you and the parents. Its OK to feel you can't do it.

I think children often don't want to notice that their parents are getting older and are not as able these days as they used to be. And we, as the older people, often don't like to appear weaker or less capable.

I think an honest conversation is required here.

People are having children later and later which means that grandparents are also older.

I think there is a real gap in the market for 'rent a nanny' for a few days. The nanny could do all the 'tasks' and you would be there to make sure all is going well. A bit like a cat sitter but for kids for a full day. It could be extra earnings for students, school leavers etc
Do your Son and Dil know such a person in their friends group, neighbourhood etc?

When I was much younger I looked after my gransons 1 and 3 for a while when their parents decorated a house they'd just moved into. By 5 o'clock I was looking at the clock willing them to pick them up and that was with my partner helping me out. I was just turned 60 then. As it is I now look after my other grandchildren a couple of times in the week during the school holidays from 9 till 4.30 and I'm exhausted.

...and, when my chidren were young I never wanted to go on holiday without them...

it's too much.
and possibly risky.
just say no.

No, not unreasonable. Such small children are very hard work and you wouldn't sleep properly. That's too long without sleep to be safe.

My husband died from a heart attack in March last year. It was completely out of the blue. He went to sleep and didn't wake up. We were due to care for our 10 month old granddaughter for 3 days in May whilst her parents had a short UK break.
I became paranoid about becoming incapacitated whilst caring for her on my own, I was a fit 71 at the time but then my husband was a pretty fit 73 year old when he died.

Fortunately, I had a good friend who was happy to come and help me. We all, baby included, had a lovely few days together.
Maybe you can find a friend or relative to help you?

Since my husband's death, I have also had my twin grandsons to stay with me. As they are 10 years old, I was able to chat with them, with parental permission, about what to do if granny is unwell. We devised a plan and I typed it up. It now sits in a drawer by the telephone.

lixy

No, not unreasonable. Such small children are very hard work and you wouldn't sleep properly. That's too long without sleep to be safe.

DGD is a big girl now (7) but I still never sleep properly when she's here.

Don't you have a sibling or close friend who would go with you? It could be lovely if you did as you could share the responsibility of the children, and also have that bit of time away yourselves!
As someone already stated, unless their home is very remote, there should be friends and/or neighbours close by who could pop in daily to make sure everything is alright, maybe stay for a cuppa!
You could also face-time the children with their parents before bed, to help them know that their parents haven't just abandoned them with you.

I'm not sure face-time before bed is going to be helpful Ali08 unless the children are already pretty settled (and probably older?).

Also, I believe I'm a good neighbour but being responsible for the "well being" of my neighbours' children's granny is not really something I'd be very happy to sign up for.
It's OK while things are OK but if there's an incident I'm actually becoming responsible for two small children till mum and dad come back. And they aren't just up the road!

I would not be happy with this as an arrangement if I were the parents either to be honest - though maybe others would be.

...But then, personally I would not enjoy a holiday leaving my tiny ones behind!

I did it for 2 nights when 2 of my GC were 6m and 3y ....its hard work .....I've got them next week for 5 nights but they are both at school now so much easier .....I'm late 50s and I find it exhausting .

I sometimes did childcare on my own for Gdd1 when she was still under 12 months, and I well remember worrying about e.g. having a stroke while she was in the bath*, or tripping and falling while carrying her downstairs.

*not helped by the fact that a former owner of the house (in her 60s, same as me then) had died of a stroke in the house a very few years previously.

So I think your fears are entirely reasonable, OP. And TBH I think the parents are unreasonable for expecting to go away and leave such young children for more than a day.

Whata pity they dont have kennels as they do for cats and dogs where kids can be offloaded.

I helped with our twins for over two years in their home but not on my own. That was stressful and exhausting enough you have every right to your opinion it’s too much responsibility.

Your son and DIL are being selfish in my opinion and probably think you are over reacting. If you don’t want to be in charge of your GC you have to be honest otherwise you will be stressed out. Don’t feel guilty the GC are not your responsibility your son and DIL need to get their priorities right.

Sorry to sound harsh but I think your son and DIL are being rather selfish and thoughtless.
There is plenty of time for them to have trips abroad when the children are older, perhaps they might even take them with them!!! I had wonderful in-laws who would have our daughter for the day but we did not go out of the country until she was four years old and we took her with us. We would not have expected them to take that responsibility; when you have children you must also expect to make sacrifices. You are on your own, not even in your own house so I would say a firm NO. The fact you say they think you are making excuses tells me they are being very unreasonable.

If you’re feeling so anxious at the thought of having sole responsibility of a three and one year old for four days, I would decline, explaining your reasons, which in my mind are perfectly justified. Alternatively, have a friend to stay there with you.

We moved over 900 miles to care for our DGD when she was a few months old and DD went back to work. We were in our early 60's. DH was brilliant with children and did all the fun things with her, but things like driving the wee one to nursery fell to me.....and it was terrifying having her behind me on busy roads which seemed to be full of dangerous drivers. We were in our early 60's at the time. Now in our mid 70's, we had 17 year old DGS for 4 days last year. Never again! His high energy levels, non stop talking, inattention - dropping dog on her back - and filming us without our knowledge wore us out. I had to go to bed to rest on the last 2 afternoons. I was told by friends 'They're all like that!". He is largely self caring. We didn't have a holiday till our DS and DD were in their mid teens and would not have asked our DP's to look after them anyway. We hardly ever had a night out. However, I was very ill after DS was born and in hospital for 6 weeks. DS was taken to a hospital near me and cared for by DM and DF. DD was cared for at home by DMIL in our home 500 miles away, but they were all in their 50's then...... We only went away on holiday once when DS and DD were in their mid teens....and the youngest at 16, came with us..... It didn't feel like a hardship. I don't think you ABU, @angela988.

Nothing to add to Hithere's response angela. If you were to do this and be worried for the 4 days neither you or the children would find it an enjoyable experience.

4 days with such young GC is too much. I would decline. If your S and DIL are putting pressure on you, they are the ones who are being unreasonable.

biglouis

Whata pity they dont have kennels as they do for cats and dogs where kids can be offloaded.

I think there used to be, long ago! When I was about a year old, my parents left me in one of these places for a week or so while they went on holidays. My mother subsequently heard that they used to drug the children to keep them quiet! I don't think I was sent there again.

I wouldn’t do it. As you feel anxious at the idea, you need to say no. They are being unreasonable.
When mine were little, I would only have one grandchild at a time, when she was 2, 3, 4. I had them both just the once, aged 5 and 2 1/2, and it was fine, but they were older than yours are. I was the one who fed them, played with them, took them out, but DH was there as back up, and he would keep an eye on them whilst I cooked a meal. It was tiring, but they were old enough to understand and not feel abandoned by their parents. I don’t think it is a good idea at this young age.

I wouldn't do it without help. It will be hard work and a big responsibility.

You might be fit as a fiddle, but we all know someone who has suddenly had a medical event. I’m not yet 60 but have worried about this just looking after GS’s for a day! One of them is 6 now so I worry less when he’s with me.

I’m sure their trip can wait.

I think it’s a lot for them to ask out to do this
I wouldn’t do it without some help