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AIBU

Minding GC for four days

(94 Posts)
angela998 Tue 10-Oct-23 13:50:58

My S and DIL want to go on a break overseas for 4 days and have asked me if I would look after the GC aged 1 and 3 in their own home. I would love to help out but, as I would have nobody else staying with me or nearby, I feel the GCs safety could be jeopardised if something happened to me. Perhaps I am being over cautious but four friends have had heart attacks/strokes, one fatal, over the last 18 months. If this was to happen to me, my two GC would be helpless. I think my S and DiL feel I am just using this anxiety as an excuse not to help. I would welcome any advicethoughts.

Shizam Wed 11-Oct-23 17:39:08

The physical side of caring for such young children would worry me. Lifting them up, carrying downstairs, etc, especially the one-year-old. I hurt my wrist couple of weeks ago, could barely lift a pillow, let alone a child. Parents are being unfair on you!

Juicylucy Wed 11-Oct-23 16:55:20

I’d be so excited to do it. It will be ok doing it in there own home surrounded by things there accustomed to. Do you have health anxiety? Have fun with them make memories. Get a friend or family member to call or text or email twice a day so they know you’ve made contact. I think you’re talking yourself out of it.

Nvella Wed 11-Oct-23 16:14:59

When I used to look after my GC as babies/toddlers I had an agreement with a friend who had a key to my flat that she would ring at 7.30 am and if I didn’t reply she would come over and check on us. That was because I had gruesome fantasies about dying in charge!!!

albertina Wed 11-Oct-23 15:01:25

I would say yes but only if you had someone with you, not on your own.

Look after yourself.

Shelflife Wed 11-Oct-23 14:48:13

4 days is a long time !! The children are very young to be left for so long. It's a tall order and I fully understand how you feel and what your fears are. - God forbid , but things do happen!
You are in a difficult situation but personally I think this is just too big a job and a huge responsibility. You could be ill, the children could have an accident and you would be alone!!!It not an excuse to avoid helping , it's common sense. It is lovely that your DS and DIL have complete faith in you but ..........
Please speak to them , perhaps a shorter break not too far away ? Both children could be distressed and want their parents , think how difficult that would be !? One child would be a no no , but two !!!? Do what is best for you, if it's too much don't do it. Don't think I would , in fact I know I wouldn't. 4 days, no way.
I think GN have given you your answer, I think the parents are expecting far too much. Good luck.

Davisuz Wed 11-Oct-23 14:36:10

I looked after my two year old liveware of a grandson for FIVE days over the August bank holiday whilst his parents were in Ireland for a posh wedding. Initially they asked me to do it in their home but I felt much more comfortable in my own place as knew people I could call on in case of emergency. Even so I was exhausted on their return and managed to trip up the stairs at work and injure my knee! Follow your instincts is my advice. I am 62 and work full time but still needed days to recover from the onslaught.

semperfidelis Wed 11-Oct-23 14:27:48

I have four grandchildren. 21 and 18 and 7 and 5.
When the older ones were little I was quite happy to look after them for three/four days-
and I was on my own.
I am now 12 years older and I don't look after the younger two overnight at all. They are extremely lively and, although my health is good, I would worry about my energy levels over a longer period. My family understands this and only ask for daytime care. I'm not sure having people you could call would help that much with your anxiety.

Cagsy Wed 11-Oct-23 14:09:07

Angela998 neither my DD and Sil or DS and DiL would have dreamt of leaving their 1 year old overnight never mind four nights along with a 3 year old. As toddlers and older children they have all had sleep overs here while Mum and Dad had a night away or out together and I have DH to help out which makes a huge difference.
As others have said four days with children that young would be exhausting, especially on your own and I think the children could very well get upset in the night if their parents aren't there.
I think you should tell them in all honesty that it just feels too much for you while they are so young.

Buttonjugs Wed 11-Oct-23 13:38:22

I looked after my grandkids at this age overnight and that was bad enough! I struggled to fall asleep because I was expecting one of them to wake up at any given moment. Then they woke up really early, 5 or 6am. I was exhausted and just wanted their parents to pick them up so I could go back to bed. I could never have had them for four days.

lixy Wed 11-Oct-23 13:35:55

Well done. And now try to put it behind you - I know I worry for days when I have had to say 'no, sorry, not this time' and that in itself is tiring.
I hope your family are as understanding as mine.

Katyj Wed 11-Oct-23 13:33:00

Definitely the right decision in my opinion. Their very lucky to have you. Take care.

angela998 Wed 11-Oct-23 13:17:48

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to respond. I did look after the GC in August for 4 days while the parents went away but I had my daughter with me. Even so it was exhausting as the 1 year old wouldn't sleep at night. Unfortunately she cannot help out this time and I don't have a friend who is available to stay with me. I am 71 and do suffer with fibromyalgia which flares up unpredictably. So having read all your detailed replies, I do feel so much better about refusing my son and DIL's request.

mokryna Wed 11-Oct-23 13:15:13

Not only would it be exhausting, on your own, it is very difficult. I tried, it was juggling all the time, when to take your shower or even go to the loo!

Babsbada Wed 11-Oct-23 13:11:38

Love.my grandson to bits and overnight fine but two GCs for four days on your own is too much to ask and exhausting. Explain how you feel and be firm!

Sawsage2 Wed 11-Oct-23 13:10:51

Just say 'sorry its too much for me'

Fae1 Wed 11-Oct-23 13:03:39

No,no,no! Children are far too young. They could also become ill, have an accident etc. Far too much responsibility. And 4days is too long. I'm sure you'd all be fine but..... When I was a mother of a 2 yr. old I asked my mother (59 at the time) to look after my child as I needed to work away for two days - still within the UK I might add. She refused, saying it was too much responsibility. I wasn't too happy at the time but now as a grandparent myself I realise she was absolutely right.

Katcoffee Wed 11-Oct-23 12:48:14

You will be utterly exhausted! It depends how much energy you normally have though. The one year old will need a lot of cuddles and the three year old will need a lot of reassurance that Mummy and Daddy are coming back. You will be juggling on your own - never mind any health issues.

Sennelier1 Wed 11-Oct-23 12:45:11

Hm, I do understand your worries, but think they might be a bit exagerated. Are you generally fit and healthy? Then yes, I would do this. I'm 65 and have my grandchildren (one, two or all three of them) over for several days on a regular base. Works fine. Agreed, I'm not alone, but you could ask a dear friend to check in on your wellbeing a few times a day? That and always keeping your phone nearby with at least one emergency number?

Bugbabe2019 Wed 11-Oct-23 12:42:23

I think it’s a lot for them to ask out to do this
I wouldn’t do it without some help

Flaxseed Wed 11-Oct-23 12:15:03

I wouldn't do it without help. It will be hard work and a big responsibility.

You might be fit as a fiddle, but we all know someone who has suddenly had a medical event. I’m not yet 60 but have worried about this just looking after GS’s for a day! One of them is 6 now so I worry less when he’s with me.

I’m sure their trip can wait. hmm

Cabbie21 Wed 11-Oct-23 12:08:52

I wouldn’t do it. As you feel anxious at the idea, you need to say no. They are being unreasonable.
When mine were little, I would only have one grandchild at a time, when she was 2, 3, 4. I had them both just the once, aged 5 and 2 1/2, and it was fine, but they were older than yours are. I was the one who fed them, played with them, took them out, but DH was there as back up, and he would keep an eye on them whilst I cooked a meal. It was tiring, but they were old enough to understand and not feel abandoned by their parents. I don’t think it is a good idea at this young age.

Farmor15 Wed 11-Oct-23 11:19:31

biglouis

Whata pity they dont have kennels as they do for cats and dogs where kids can be offloaded.

I think there used to be, long ago! When I was about a year old, my parents left me in one of these places for a week or so while they went on holidays. My mother subsequently heard that they used to drug the children to keep them quiet! I don't think I was sent there again.

MrsSquirrel Wed 11-Oct-23 10:55:40

4 days with such young GC is too much. I would decline. If your S and DIL are putting pressure on you, they are the ones who are being unreasonable.

Smileless2012 Wed 11-Oct-23 10:37:06

Nothing to add to Hithere's response angela. If you were to do this and be worried for the 4 days neither you or the children would find it an enjoyable experience.

seadragon Wed 11-Oct-23 09:24:22

We moved over 900 miles to care for our DGD when she was a few months old and DD went back to work. We were in our early 60's. DH was brilliant with children and did all the fun things with her, but things like driving the wee one to nursery fell to me.....and it was terrifying having her behind me on busy roads which seemed to be full of dangerous drivers. We were in our early 60's at the time. Now in our mid 70's, we had 17 year old DGS for 4 days last year. Never again! His high energy levels, non stop talking, inattention - dropping dog on her back - and filming us without our knowledge wore us out. I had to go to bed to rest on the last 2 afternoons. I was told by friends 'They're all like that!". He is largely self caring. We didn't have a holiday till our DS and DD were in their mid teens and would not have asked our DP's to look after them anyway. We hardly ever had a night out. However, I was very ill after DS was born and in hospital for 6 weeks. DS was taken to a hospital near me and cared for by DM and DF. DD was cared for at home by DMIL in our home 500 miles away, but they were all in their 50's then...... We only went away on holiday once when DS and DD were in their mid teens....and the youngest at 16, came with us..... It didn't feel like a hardship. I don't think you ABU, @angela988.