Minding GC for four days

If you’re feeling so anxious at the thought of having sole responsibility of a three and one year old for four days, I would decline, explaining your reasons, which in my mind are perfectly justified. Alternatively, have a friend to stay there with you.

Sorry to sound harsh but I think your son and DIL are being rather selfish and thoughtless.
There is plenty of time for them to have trips abroad when the children are older, perhaps they might even take them with them!!! I had wonderful in-laws who would have our daughter for the day but we did not go out of the country until she was four years old and we took her with us. We would not have expected them to take that responsibility; when you have children you must also expect to make sacrifices. You are on your own, not even in your own house so I would say a firm NO. The fact you say they think you are making excuses tells me they are being very unreasonable.

I helped with our twins for over two years in their home but not on my own. That was stressful and exhausting enough you have every right to your opinion it’s too much responsibility.

Your son and DIL are being selfish in my opinion and probably think you are over reacting. If you don’t want to be in charge of your GC you have to be honest otherwise you will be stressed out. Don’t feel guilty the GC are not your responsibility your son and DIL need to get their priorities right.

Whata pity they dont have kennels as they do for cats and dogs where kids can be offloaded.

I sometimes did childcare on my own for Gdd1 when she was still under 12 months, and I well remember worrying about e.g. having a stroke while she was in the bath*, or tripping and falling while carrying her downstairs.

*not helped by the fact that a former owner of the house (in her 60s, same as me then) had died of a stroke in the house a very few years previously.

So I think your fears are entirely reasonable, OP. And TBH I think the parents are unreasonable for expecting to go away and leave such young children for more than a day.

I did it for 2 nights when 2 of my GC were 6m and 3y ....its hard work .....I've got them next week for 5 nights but they are both at school now so much easier .....I'm late 50s and I find it exhausting .

I'm not sure face-time before bed is going to be helpful Ali08 unless the children are already pretty settled (and probably older?).

Also, I believe I'm a good neighbour but being responsible for the "well being" of my neighbours' children's granny is not really something I'd be very happy to sign up for.
It's OK while things are OK but if there's an incident I'm actually becoming responsible for two small children till mum and dad come back. And they aren't just up the road!

I would not be happy with this as an arrangement if I were the parents either to be honest - though maybe others would be.

...But then, personally I would not enjoy a holiday leaving my tiny ones behind!

Don't you have a sibling or close friend who would go with you? It could be lovely if you did as you could share the responsibility of the children, and also have that bit of time away yourselves!
As someone already stated, unless their home is very remote, there should be friends and/or neighbours close by who could pop in daily to make sure everything is alright, maybe stay for a cuppa!
You could also face-time the children with their parents before bed, to help them know that their parents haven't just abandoned them with you.

lixy

No, not unreasonable. Such small children are very hard work and you wouldn't sleep properly. That's too long without sleep to be safe.

DGD is a big girl now (7) but I still never sleep properly when she's here.

My husband died from a heart attack in March last year. It was completely out of the blue. He went to sleep and didn't wake up. We were due to care for our 10 month old granddaughter for 3 days in May whilst her parents had a short UK break.
I became paranoid about becoming incapacitated whilst caring for her on my own, I was a fit 71 at the time but then my husband was a pretty fit 73 year old when he died.

Fortunately, I had a good friend who was happy to come and help me. We all, baby included, had a lovely few days together.
Maybe you can find a friend or relative to help you?

Since my husband's death, I have also had my twin grandsons to stay with me. As they are 10 years old, I was able to chat with them, with parental permission, about what to do if granny is unwell. We devised a plan and I typed it up. It now sits in a drawer by the telephone.

No, not unreasonable. Such small children are very hard work and you wouldn't sleep properly. That's too long without sleep to be safe.

it's too much.
and possibly risky.
just say no.

...and, when my chidren were young I never wanted to go on holiday without them...

When I was much younger I looked after my gransons 1 and 3 for a while when their parents decorated a house they'd just moved into. By 5 o'clock I was looking at the clock willing them to pick them up and that was with my partner helping me out. I was just turned 60 then. As it is I now look after my other grandchildren a couple of times in the week during the school holidays from 9 till 4.30 and I'm exhausted.

I couldn't do that!!

I don't think you only need to worry about having a stroke but also would you have the energy for such a task?

The point is you feel unsafe with the prospect and that needs to be honoured by you and the parents. Its OK to feel you can't do it.

I think children often don't want to notice that their parents are getting older and are not as able these days as they used to be. And we, as the older people, often don't like to appear weaker or less capable.

I think an honest conversation is required here.

People are having children later and later which means that grandparents are also older.

I think there is a real gap in the market for 'rent a nanny' for a few days. The nanny could do all the 'tasks' and you would be there to make sure all is going well. A bit like a cat sitter but for kids for a full day. It could be extra earnings for students, school leavers etc
Do your Son and Dil know such a person in their friends group, neighbourhood etc?

It's always been one of the downsides of parenthood for most couples that compromises have to be made, and trips away without the children are one of those compromises in this case, I feel

Yes. These jollies might be lovely for young couples before the children arrive on the scene but have to be put on hold until they are older.

Agree with others. It is too potentially dangerous.

Show your son and dil this thread, if they still think you are making a fuss about nothing.

I remember being pretty exhausted a lot of the time in my mid-20s with two children aged 1 and 3, let alone doing it now for 4 days! It sounds too much to me, particularly on your own. I'd have to say no in your situation unless there is someone, a close friend, who would be willing and able to share the responsibility with you and that the parents would trust to help you.

It's always been one of the downsides of parenthood for most couples that compromises have to be made, and trips away without the children are one of those compromises in this case, I feel.

I completely understand your anxiety. We had sole responsibility for our twin grandchildren from when they were born. I was 60 and DH was still working full time and so I was on my own all day long. I frequently wondered what would happen if I had a heart attack or fell when carrying them downstairs. Don’t do it unless there is another adult to help .

With two children (one gets up early, the other stays up late?) you could be doing 18 or 20 hour days! DGD was so easy to have stay for one night, and I was shattered at the end of it!
How about the couple go for an overnight somewhere near (date night, dinner, trip to theatre/cinema) first?

I wouldn’t do it. Four days is too long imo for a baby to be away from its primary carers.

I understand your concern about being taken ill, too. It’s most unlikely but it could still happen. I was talking and laughing with a younger friend one evening last week. Twelve hours later, she’d had a stroke and was in hospital. Fortunately, she’s on the mend but it came out of the blue, she was as fit and healthy as the next person.

It's a big responsibility on your own, they could both get upset if their parents aren't there however well you know them.
The parents would be abroad, not even in this country where they might be able to drive back so no, I wouldn't want to do this.

Can they not wait until the children are older?
Or just an overnight break in this country and you could ask a friend to help you?

I think you are being sensible. My grandson's are 5.5 and nearly 3. But know I couldn't look after them overnight let alone for 4 days as I am on my own. When my daughter and son in law go out until late at night or away for 2 days my son in laws parents look after them at their house.

It's easier to look after children over night if their are 2 of you.

I have looked after both boys for 3 hours during the day . And looked after the oldest from before 9am until 5pm at my bungalow and even took him out on the bus but only local .

I know my limits also I am disabled but mobile but do get tired easily. I am 65 and been widowed since I was 45.

We always had the grandchildren for a week every year and took them away on holiday from the age of 3 I think. But there were two of us and both pulled together to make it work. This lasted until they grew out of going on holiday with gran and grandpa.

It was exhausting, but I enjoyed every second of it. But ….. I would never have done it on my own. I was in my 60s then but still felt tired at the end of the week of cycling, surfing, walking barbecuing, fishing etc etc. there was no let up for 7 days.

We had our Dgs for four days aged 3 this was a long time ago, I was late 40s then. I hurt my back on the first day could hardly move, never done it before, or since , good job dh was there to help.It’s too much in my opinion.