Am I wrong to think this is rude ?

sarahcyn

A lot of the suggestions here - planting, raising the fence - are what my daughters would call “pass-ag”
The regular wine and cheese at yours sounds to me absolutely brilliant.

A lot of the suggestions here - planting, raising the fence - are what my daughters would call “pass-ag”

Hardly surprising. Exhibiting frustration and anger have become socially unacceptable and we learn from an early age not to show it. But as it's a normal human reaction, it doesn't just 'go away' so we coat it with something more 'polite'.

Perhaps if we were allowed to be more openly assertive and honest about things that annoy or frustrate without being accused of anger "issues" we wouldn't resort to these cryptic methods.

It is possible to be honest about something that 'bugs' you without being nasty with it.

This seems very rude to me, but judging from some of the answers you have received Gangan it rather looks as if it is acceptable or at least common behaviour in the UK!

Could you jokingly ask these neighbours when they are chin-wagging if they have heard of the telephone or the postal service, or simply if you maý join in?

I would feel justified in saying that I felt I was being forced to eavesdrop on conversations that in no way concerned me, as we increasingly are when people hold telephone conversations on public transport.

We have a covenant on all our properties here that the fences can’t be higher than 4 foot.
All of us have high fences shielding our patio area.

I would plant laurel, it goes thick and fast. Just be prepared to cut it once/twice a year when fully established.

Definitely turn off your outside light, and turn it back on again routinely as you go to bed/check doors etc. I think maybe it will stop a bit now the nights are getting colder.

Could you fix something on top of the fence like a trellis with the excuse of growing something. Or ask if either would like to swap houses…

merlotgran

You could add trellis to whichever fence is yours and grow something up it. It wouldn’t be a solid barrier but would impede their vision of each other and might put them off.

I think that this sounds like a good idea, provided it doesn't make your garden dark. Tall plants by the fence near your window would also move them a bit further away.
Otherwise the idea of joining in is appealing, you seem to think they're OK? If they don't like it I'm sure they'd stop talking across your garden

A lot of the suggestions here - planting, raising the fence - are what my daughters would call “pass-ag”
The regular wine and cheese at yours sounds to me absolutely brilliant.

When we moved in our neighbours put a smaller fence down most of the garden with a higher fence near the doors. We often used to go and chat over the fence. None of the other neighbours we've had have been 'chatty' types, in fact most haven't wanted to do more than say hello if they see us on the drive. We've now planted tall shrubs between us so don't need to change the fence.

I'd just go in your house and watch tv/radio with the volume up. I wouldn't join in. Its getting colder now anyway.

You could just put music on really loud, making it impossible for them to hear each other…they would soon modify their behaviour…and if they complain you can act the innocent and explain you turned it up because when it was low you couldn’t hear it above their chatting…or is that passive aggressive?

I'd hate it and find it very thoughtless. Yes I'd turn off your garden lights. I would also be merrily chatting about your plans to raise the fences next spring to put climbers up. having lived with a low fence on one side in our first house, we vowed never again, luckily the neighbours wanted to put in a higher fence and we were delighted to say yes.

I have the same issue with my neighbors I’d leave my door open if I wanted to and i would turn off the light until they had gone in and I wouldn’t care if I was in my dressing gown. You could always pretend you on the phone and say sorry Mary i can’t hear you neighbors are talking outside say that again lol they will soon get message. Mine sit outside and chat and I sometimes sit with them but sometimes I don’t

I guess - from comments on here - we should be 'grateful' for nice neighbours and try not to upset them.

However, when you buy a house, you expect to be able to - within reason - live your life on your terms. And, IMO, privacy in your own home and garden, is not too much to demand - regardless of what other people may or may not expect of you?

Of course, as has been suggested, you could always join in the evening 'natter'... but maybe you have your own plans and evening routine? Maybe you don't have the time to just 'join in'?

I would never do what your NDNs are doing to my neighbours - I value my own privacy and 'me' time and would assume they needed similar quietness and peace.

It will depend on what is in your conveyance with regard to owns the fence and who is responsible for it. Most people are reasonable enough to go halves. Fencing is now expensive- like everything else.

It's lovely to have such friendly neighbours but...I do think this is really rude, in the sense of a lack of etiquette and social awareness/good manners (or "good breeding" as my mother would say !!), which very sadly seems to be lacking everywhere now. Goodness, I do sound old !!

Have a big garden party with a very smoky barbecue. Invite all your friends and relatives. Beer,wine,steak and smoke them out. Nasty,sure,but it sends a message.

You have every right to be in your dressing gown in your own home, with doors open or however. If they don't like it they can stop looking (if they even are). My next door neighbour sunbathes topless and it doesn't bother me or her if I see.

I moved into a house with tall hedges, one of which died so I took it out. The neighbours told me it had been planted to stop them gossiping across the gardens. I cut back the other hedge and for years we all happily chatted across several gardens and it was lovely to live amongst such friendly people. So, my advice, either plant a big hedge or accept the way the neighbours are and become part of it. Should say, the day the lady next door went out and saw the second hedge was gone she cried, I thought I'd upset her and said I would regrow the hedge, but her husband came over t tell me it was because she was so happy to be able to resume neighbourly chats over the gardens.

oh gosh, I guess in certain communities it is not unusual. me? I like my privacy, though I also like a "natter" I would want a higher fence, I think it is more thoughtless than rude.

I have film on one of my windows that you can't see out and it's a very pretty pattern and doesn't block any light

Gangan2 You can buy window film that allows you to see out but won't allow people to see in - it's really useful for homes that have people passing close to windows.

That would drive me mad .

Having said that, we have high hedges down the sides of our gardens (front and back) and as a result we only see our neighbours if they happen to be leaving via the front gate or the back where the garages are at the same time as we are. Obviously comings and goings are rarely timed so that this happens, so we just don't know them.

I'm not too bothered, as I'm used to it and am not a 'dropper in' anyway, but if you like a neighbourly environment you might regret fencing off your garden altogether.

If it was just a quick chat it would be acceptable and I’d put up with it but if they’re chatting for 40 minutes or more across your space it’s a bit much & not very respectful of your privacy.

As others have suggested I’d put some trellis on the fence at the top of the garden and grow a fast growing clematis or other climbing plant. They’ll have to move further down the garden then if they want to chat and it won’t be so intrusive. Good idea to occasionally join in for a little while & remain friendly but you shouldn’t feel obliged if you’re busy doing other things. Once it’s really dark & cold they won’t want to stand about for long hopefully.

RosiesMaw

OP I’d take my courage in both hands, put 3 mugs of tea (or g&t’s, depending on your neighbours!) on a tray with a plate of biscuits and invite yourself to join them.
If they back off so be it but nobody can hold anything against you or think you unfriendly.

Maw, this reminds me of the first time I invited a couple to my new home for a late afternoon cup of tea. We’d met up at a local flower show but due to a sudden power cut the organisers had to stop serving teas so I invited them back to mine.

As time was getting on I was thinking I should maybe offer them the choice of a glass of wine but when the wife spotted my well stocked wine rack she muttered, ‘Like a tipple, do you?’ in a way which made me grab the kettle and cheerfully ask, ‘Tea OK’?

The husband’s face fell! 😂