Equal treatment at different ages.

I don't think Valeriekent you have quite explained the "treating as equals" thing.

Does it really mean you can't congratulate one of them?

The 10 year old has won a competition and it isn't treating them unequally to congratulate her.
If the other did well you would congratulate them.

Why do they need money though?
The reward is winning the competition, surely?

Have the parents said you can't congratulate your granddaughter? That would seem odd to me.

On this occasion I think winning( plus the prize of course) is enough- no need for a gift. But in general it is not always possible or sensible to treat children equally in the sense the parents seem to expect. However that is not really your call.

If you are looking after just one child, I can’t see why the other should get any sort of equivalent: their turn will come on another occasion.

Parsley3 I agree. A big hug and saying “well done” and the younger one could have a hug too. Golden rule don’t give or offer treats without asking the parents if it’s OK first.

No… I treated my children differently and my grandchildren ….apart from pocket money …they all get / got the same. A bag of sweets costs as much for the youngest as for the oldest! But they got shoes/coats /school bags when needed , not dependant on age or sex. I always took time to explain the situation to them.
Xmas presents I don’t spend the same amount of money on them as there is a five year age gap …. but I try to make the same amount of parcels each. I buy what they want if possible . If something is too expensive for my wallet I’ll explain that to them. They never seem jealous or envious when one gets a pressie and others don’t… they just shrug…..I took a ‘starting new school ‘ pressie in for my granddaughter tin September …she loved it ….my grandson was staring sixth form college and I told him I couldn’t afford two such pressies …he smiled and said “ I’m 16 Nan, not a baby , you don’t have to explain to me”….

M0nica

littleflo what if the parenting is damaging the child? I would stick to 'respecting their parenting mostly'

I think unless they are abusing the children that "mostly" could get you cut off from seeing them at all!

I think a little treat for both of them. You don't need to have won a competition to be treated by your Gran.

I'd probably ask the parents first. I got into trouble because I took my grandaughter out for an ice-cream when I took her to an appointment the parents couldn't make. I was told categorically that I must bring something back for the 4 year old because otherwise it isn't fair. I wasn't best pleased because if I was in a similar position with the youngest, I would treat her at that time without expecting to treat the older girl. It isn't just that I think the rule is wrong, I'm not made of money and I give when I can afford rather than because I am told to. Needless to say, I didn't argue because it really isn't worth the risk.

You do not need to give anything, but it is a nice thing to do. My grandmother gave me a small bracelet when I passed my Grade 2 piano music. I treasured it, until it was stolen in a break-in.

Why do you need to give the competition winner anything but a big hug and hearty congratulations? Telling her how pleased you are with her win should be enough. Encourage the younger one to congratulate her too.

littleflo what if the parenting is damaging the child? I would stick to 'respecting their parenting mostly'

Hopefully the child is feeling happy and proud to have won the competition. Why spoil such a nice moment in their life by possibly setting the younger sibling against them.

Allow the parents to know is best for their own family. This disregard for their wishes may cause problems for you as well as them.

It is not enough to ‘respect their parenting mostly’ you should respect it totally.

When I read the OP I thought it was about treating a boy and a girl equally.

I am in absolute agreement about doing what the parents want, but I was just wondering how far this goes. Do they both get equal quantities of presnets on both birthdays.

However, there could be away round this, could you take both children out for a meal to celebrate the older girl's winning the competition? It would be clear that the treat was to celebrate the 10 year olds success, but he children would benefit equally.

It doesn't have to be a big deal, MacDonalds or Burger King, but you would be treating both children equally.

Like others I think it is a ridiculous rule and fraught with problems in both the long term and the short term.

Children of disparate ages do not need equal treatment but equivalent treatment according to their age differences.

If the older child has won a competition, isn't winning it enough of a 'reward'? The younger child's chance to do something equivalent and appropriate will come in due course.

Why make a problem where there isn't one?

I echo those saying in effect "Stand Well Back" and do nothing.

I think you need to follow the parent’s rules, but having said that, I think their rules are completely wrong. Why should a child get a gift when it’s not his/her birthday? What does that teach the child? Life isn’t like that. One child may get more GCSEs, how are the parents going to equalise that? One may become well off in later life. Can the parents equalise that?
No, you need to follow their rules, but you obviously realise that life isn’t like that and they’re setting their children up to have unrealistic expectations of later life.

If you know there will be trouble then why do it? Anything to do with the children is their parents decision.

I don’t see how sending a card could offend. Seems that parents haven’t thought this through. Children need encouragement and to feel that their parents are proud of them (elder child) and to learn to be generous-hearted (younger child).

I have 4 GC , twins in one family and they and my youngest GC have birthdays within 2 days of each and DiL had one the same time as well . So we always have a joint family get together on one of the days . I always used to get the other GC a little gift as well so she didn’t feel left out . But then I realised she was the lucky one as she always had a party just for her . So I don’t do it now . I think congratulations to the GC but don’t make a big thing of it as the little one will be jealous whatever, that’s life !

What welbeck said

sodapop

Alygran

Whilst I agree that you should follow the parents’ rules I don’t agree with their rule. Making children always equal can breed resentment later on when life intervenes and one perceives they have less than the other. Learning to celebrate others and enjoying their happiness or achievement is a good life lesson.

I agree with Alygran

I also agree Alygran, one sibling can't always be treated the same as the other, especially when one becomes a teenager. They have to learn they will get a treat when it is their turn and be pleased for their sibling.

I agree with others, six is old enough to understand that something special has happened possibly due to some effort on the other child’s part.

I don’t agree with parents rule, but you need to follow it.

IMO children have to learn that they don't always get the same rewards at the same time. They need to understand that if their sibling has won a competition they should celebrate with them and congratulate them . Their turn will come ! It's life !!

Alygran

Whilst I agree that you should follow the parents’ rules I don’t agree with their rule. Making children always equal can breed resentment later on when life intervenes and one perceives they have less than the other. Learning to celebrate others and enjoying their happiness or achievement is a good life lesson.

I agree with Alygran

just don't do it! A "well done" is enough. why should your wishes override the wishes of her parents?