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AIBU

Shoes off

(158 Posts)
Shelflife Thu 30-Nov-23 00:06:36

I understand that many people expect guests to remove shoes on entering their house. I have no objection to this and fully respect their request. However........... if this is important to them why do they not provide a chair / stool for their guests to use when removing and putting shoes back on ? I visited a new neighbour recently and it was clear what was expected of me - a large shallow tray to place outdoor shoes on . That is perfectly ok , but I had to bend down and found it a struggle to remove my shoes and replace them when leaving ( slip ons next time !) AIBU to think this? We don't expect our visitors to remove their shoes. I am uncomfortable in just socks ! Somewhere to sit in the hall when visiting people would make things so much easier!!!!

Norah Thu 30-Nov-23 20:26:23

Perhaps it's down to visitors or family? We are not into much business entertaining any longer. We've family round often - shoes off.

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 20:18:23

Sigh…

I don’t think that’s quite right. A large country house would have a boot room to deal with muddy boots/shoes and dogs. Shoes were changed for comfort - nothing to do with protecting carpets or having servants to clean up.

Visitors arriving at the main entrance would be shown in regardless of the state of their footwear.

Is it really not clear that the first paragraph refers to the boot room and the second one to the main entrance where visitors are shown in? It wouldn’t be called the Front Door in case you need any further clarification.

If it’s still not clear I’ll find a brick wall to bang my head against!

Aveline Thu 30-Nov-23 20:10:09

merlotgran maybe you should re-read it. You mentioned that houses had these boot rooms then stated that visitors should be shown in! You didn't make it clear exactly where they should be shown if not the boot room!

annodomini Thu 30-Nov-23 20:04:37

Visitors ask me if I'd like them to remove their shoes. If they didn't, I would politely request that they take them off. I've become quite house-proud since I chose a light coloured carpet for my new flat; I call it 'porridge'!

Suki70 Thu 30-Nov-23 19:53:06

GrannySomerset I had doormats both in my porch and hall but my visitor still trod fox poo on my dining room carpet. People usually have socks on and I’d be looking at their faces rather than their feet.

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 19:44:48

Aveline

merlotgran where did you get the idea that all guests would all be shown to a boot room in large country houses? Simply not done.

Visitors arriving at the main entrance would be shown in regardless of the state of their footwear

Maybe you’d like to read it again?

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 19:42:20

Aveline

merlotgran where did you get the idea that all guests would all be shown to a boot room in large country houses? Simply not done.

I didn’t!

GrannySomerset Thu 30-Nov-23 19:25:43

With an outside and an inside doormat I assume people will wipe their feet properly before advancing into the hall and wouldn’t dream of asking people to remove their shoes. And as for wearing slippers indoors - they are not called bedroom slippers for nothing and are only worn upstairs and/or before getting dressed. Nothing more mortifying than having one’s cold and unlovely feet on show.

Suki70 Thu 30-Nov-23 19:06:42

When I was young no one took off shoes when visiting someone’s house but then people had dark coloured carpets. Now people usually choose light coloured carpets . I don’t ask people to remove their shoes but prefer that they offer if they are coming in further than my hall which has a wooden floor.
The mother of a child I was tutoring once walked all round my dining table leaving a trail of fox mess. She was mortified, I had to disguise the smell before the next child came and then clean the carpet.
Having cleaned my shoes before visiting a friend’s house for the first time I knelt down on her pale carpet to stroke her cat and left a black shoe polish mark. Since then I always offer to remove shoes.
A friend has a specially treated washable doormat on which you wipe your feet and it cleans your shoes . It works.

Nannarose Thu 30-Nov-23 19:03:05

PS: am enjoying the whole 'class discussion' - how very British!

Nannarose Thu 30-Nov-23 19:00:37

nightowl

Nannarose I must admit I’ve never considered shoe covers but it’s a thought! It would save me grappling with awkward shoes and boots in winter, and losing my dignity in the hallway. Or finding that their dog has made off with a shoe which then has to be searched for, sometimes not completely unmarked grin

Not sure what job you do, but when removing shoes was discussed, I was unhappy about safety - I have on rare occasions needed to leave very quickly!

Tip - make sure they are roomy with good elastic and a tag at the back. I make my own - fabric are safer than slippy plastic.

Aveline Thu 30-Nov-23 18:56:04

merlotgran where did you get the idea that all guests would all be shown to a boot room in large country houses? Simply not done.

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 18:49:28

BlueBelle

arewethereyet I totally agree we were definitely working class and never took shoes off we had Lino which is easily wiped down
If working class didn’t take them off and upper class didn’t take the off that just leaves the middle classes 😀

And lower middle class- according to Jilly Cooper.

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 18:47:25

As Whiff touched on, it is apparently a class thing. The aristocracy had servants to do any cleaning required and could afford replacements, if required, while lesser beings had worked hard to acquire what they had and wanted to look after their possessions.

I don’t think that’s quite right. A large country house would have a boot room to deal with muddy boots/shoes and dogs. Shoes were changed for comfort - nothing to do with protecting carpets or having servants to clean up.

Visitors arriving at the main entrance would be shown in regardless of the state of their footwear.

Nothing to do with being able to afford new carpets. They wouldn’t dream of replacing them anyway.

varian Thu 30-Nov-23 18:31:31

We have a fitted doormat in our large porch and another doormat just inside the entrance hall. The ground floor has wooden floors with patterned rugs, except for the kitchen which has slates and the boot room and laundry room which have ceramic tiles and the downstairs loo which has vinyl flooring.

Why on earth would I ever be so rude as to demand that visitors remove their shoes?

BlueBelle Thu 30-Nov-23 18:21:35

arewethereyet I totally agree we were definitely working class and never took shoes off we had Lino which is easily wiped down
If working class didn’t take them off and upper class didn’t take the off that just leaves the middle classes 😀

CanadianGran Thu 30-Nov-23 18:03:20

Like Llamedos13 stated, it's common practice here in Canada. I'm very lax about it, especially in the summer since I am in and out of the yard a lot and generally keep sandals on.

Quite often I will tell people to keep shoes on, since out front door opens directly into the living room, so no room really for shoes, but guests always do! We end up with an awkward pile of shoes just by the front door mat.

And no, I don't have a bench. We don't really have anyone visiting with mobility issues. When my MIL was still alive we insisted that she keep on her shoes.

Doodledog Thu 30-Nov-23 14:51:30

I wear slippers in my own house, and would take them with me if staying with someone, but not just for a visit/coffee.

I put my slippers on in the sitting room when I know I'm not going out again - more for comfort than anything, and change back into my shoes/boots when I'm going out, again in the sitting room. I would hate to be given someone else's slippers to wear, and well remember a party we went to years ago when people were asked to remove shoes. It was awful - apart from the stockinged feet and mutters of people who had come in their best shoes, there was a huge pile of shoes in the hallway, so people took ages to identify their own as they left, particularly the men, whose shoes were all very similar. Maybe if the invitation had said to bring your slippers it wouldn't have been so bad, but it came as a surprise to everyone, and I still remember it years later.

annsixty Thu 30-Nov-23 14:24:24

Like a previous poster I would take slippers when staying with someone and perhaps for a casual visit would take my shoes off, after very carefully using the mats provided if I was asked, but I would be very unhappy if invited for dinner or a party and being expected to go in stocking feet or even worse, put on slippers they provided.
If I was dressed for the occasion, my shoes would match my outfit.
Also if in the past,it doesn’t happen much now, if I invited someone for dinner I would also wear the shoes that matched.
I feel a bit insulted when the host is dressed up but wearing bedroom slippers as has happened.

WhatamIdoinghere Thu 30-Nov-23 14:20:10

Removing shoes was unheard of when I was growing up, but my children's friends - from an early age - would automatically remove theirs and leave them in the hall (trip hazard!) and my two followed suit. We were lucky enough to have Ukrainian guests last year and for them it's the height of bad manners to keep your shoes on in the house, so I take mine off when I visit them, and at other people's houses I will ask if I should take them off. These are normal shoes, btw - I wouldn't dream of not removing dog walking shoes or muddy boots! I think if you do want visitors to remove their shoes, though, you should definitely provide a chair or bench for them to sit on, possibly a long-handled shoe horn, and somewhere to store the shoes out of the way, to avoid trips.

AreWeThereYet Thu 30-Nov-23 14:13:39

I disagree about the working class thing - my family was working class and we never took shoes off unless muddy/wet. We all had slippers for indoors but usually changed into them once we were in for the evening. If we did bring a mess into the house we were expected to clear it up though.

I would remove my shoes if asked to (but don't know anyone who expects it) but would probably remove myself quite quickly too if my feet got cold. I take slippers if staying with someone. I would never ask visitors to remove their shoes unless obviously dirty and especially someone who is going to have problems doing so. I guess none of these people ever have wheelchairs in the house?

Doodledog Thu 30-Nov-23 14:12:54

I have a chair in the hall, but it's at the other end from the door. By the door is quite narrow, and there wouldn't be room. It doesn't matter though, as I don't expect people to remove shoes anyway grin.

In the situation I described (a dozen or so people leaving a book group meeting) one chair wouldn't speed things up at all - you'd still have a crush of people precariously balanced on one leg trying to fasten their shoes in a cramped space.

Jaxjacky Thu 30-Nov-23 14:04:31

No one is asked to take their shoes off when they visit, although the grandchildren do and none of our friends/family expect us to either.

Dee1012 Thu 30-Nov-23 13:58:49

As someone else posted...I think the OP is more about having a chair / stool for people to use when they are removing or putting on their shoes and not if people do it or not.

I have a bench seat in my hall but I have several friends with no space at all and even if I chose to sit on the stairs - that's at the end of the hallway.

Shelflife Thu 30-Nov-23 13:49:43

Also I do not want to wear slippers that may be provided but worn by others - I find that unacceptable. Taking own lightweight indoor shoes is the answer. At home we would obviously remove shoes that were muddy from walking or gardening, but other than that it's shoes on in our house !!