To be blindsided by DNA test?.

Doodledog

I like that, kcac.

Good to see you weren't driven away, Buttonjugs. Try to put it all out of your mind over Christmas, and have a good time.

And best wishes from me, too Buttonjugs - have a peaceful Christmas.

I also like that little piece of wisdom from kcac. I'm going to remember it in future.

I like that, kcac.

Good to see you weren't driven away, Buttonjugs. Try to put it all out of your mind over Christmas, and have a good time.

Buttonjugs you have had a great deal of stress in your life and I want to share this saying with you

Life can only be understood looking back,
but it must be lived forwards.
Kind wishes

Best of luck Buttonjugs. You tried your best when you were very young and are still doing so. You gave your son your best and have spoken frankly about what happened at the time . I hope all gets sorted for you.

I’m so pleased you came back to us Buttonjugs. I hope you get a satisfactory response from Finders. Your son must have been incredibly difficult to cope with, and you were so very young, yet you did cope. You loved your son and you kept him - how many could have managed at the age you were? Please don’t blame yourself for the way he was and is. You did your best and that’s all any of us can do. You kept your family together, you didn’t fracture it. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. 💐

You did the best that you could in extremely difficult circumstances buttonjugs and when our children grow up, they make their own choices good and bad so as Iam's said "stop criticising yourself*.

I hope you get some answers from Heir Hunters. Take care .

Buttonjugs, some children are easier to bring up than others. Psychiatrists/psychologists etc take full family histories for a reason. It’s not unusual to find one child in a sibling group was less easy to feed, to settle, to accept boundaries etc. That child will be the one who continues to worry family members in adult life.
Nature - nurture , the debate continues. Please give yourself a break. I hope the dna issue can be resolved. Look after yourself, stop criticising yourself. Your son is an adult, responsible for himself.

buttonjugs

Babies and children don't try to be difficult.. they just have needs and can't always tell us what they are...

Your son, there is nothing you can do until he decides for himself to get help, whether you want to support him in that if it happens is the only decision you have

All you can do is heal yourself, be as strong, healthy and happy as you can possibly be

You have a question you may never know the answer too but it is not a question you need to hurt yourself with. You were a minor and none of it was your fault. As a survivor of that sort of abuse myself, I simply work towards the person I should have been without it... Just keep swimming

I should explain my son has always been a difficult child. He cried all the time as a baby and I didn’t get much sleep. When I finally got him to sleep the whole night was pregnant with my second son. My first son was in nappies because he wet the bed. And yet miraculously he stopped wetting the bed when his little brother stopped using nappies at night. He started a fire with a friend and broke into his granndad’s house for food. Recently I shared the death of one of his ex girlfriends and he was completely unemotional. I blame myself though. Fractured the family.

Buttonjugs I hope you get to the bottom of it so you can heal and move forward

I had a post deleted because it looked like it meant something it didn't and I can see that so no dispute from me because I don't want anyone else to read it wrong and be upset

So I don't mind, lots of people report things on gransnet... People want to blame whoever... Realistically the comments can only be deleted for violating guidelines so the blame belongs to the person posting, no one else

The reason I use Buttonjugs as a username is because it was the title of a book I read aa a child. Look it up. Update: My son said he was going to ring Finders, and I remembered having an email from them so I looked it up. I have emailed them but no response as yet. I want to believe my son is telling the truth but I remember the night I was slept with/was abused was the 3rd of May and my due date would have been 7th February. The scan put me at 11th Feb due.That is a 4 day window. I have been studying pictures of my son but all I can see is the man who ai believed was his father. He is roughly the same height, has exactly the same kind of hair, dark red and coarse. So I have emailed the heir hunters directly and hope ro find out very soon.

And once again, VioletSky you make the thread all about you.

Let's hope the OP returns and reads the advice being suggested by people who have her well-being in mind and the knowledge to make sensible suggestions. Not blaming her for her son's problems.

sadly when certain people take over a thread and make any other thoughts or opinions unwelcome by whatever means necessary
Can you clarify who ‘certain people’ are? Presumably it’s those of us you reported and had posts deleted because you considered them to be ‘unkind on a personal level’.

Discussions allow posters to give their point of view. It’s often the case that posters take different views. That isn’t being unkind on a personal level, it’s developing a debate. The majority of posters on this thread disagreed with your analysis and recommendations. That’s not being personally unkind.

You also had a post deleted VS.

Posts get removed for being unkind on a personal level You're right, they do, so best mend your ways.

I really don't understand the point of being personal, we are all grown adults and should behave that way

Again you are right but you don't seem to be able to help yourself. Although your advice to buttonjugs differed greatly from the majority of others, only you sank low enough to deliver your final epithet. That remark was neither kind nor adult but it did reveal a great deal more about the real you than you probably wanted others to see. Your mask slipped.

Indeed. The only comments which were ‘unkind on a personal level’ were those suggesting that the OP’s son’s addiction may have been caused by childhood trauma and that they should both seek family therapy - as if she hadn’t suffered enough already.

It is being personal to suggest that someone is responsible for ACEs, and that this triggered a child's addiction. It doesn't get much more unkind, really.

The 'personal' comments to you were nothing of the kind. They simply pointed out that you were out of order. Which you were. 100%.

Posts get removed for being unkind on a personal level

I really don't understand the point of being personal, we are all grown adults and should behave that way

Quite.

Thanks GNHQ!

It would be good to know she is O.K. and has not been influenced by some of the less rational posts.

Yes, it would. I hope she will come back and let us know how she is.

I'll second that. Buttonjugs has had a rough ride on this thread, on top of the situation itself, and it would be good to know that she is ok.