Rejected gift AIBU to be offended

The child had got some idea into her head. I won't try to guess WHAT idea, but it's most unlikely have been about insulting/rejecting you!

I think it might be misinterpreted. When my daughter was that age (years ago) she wouldn’t take money from grandparents or elderly people as she thought she would leave them short of money for food and heating.

Don’t focus on the money, or on manners. Focus on the relationship. She sounds like an interesting child, and there’s something going on for her that you don’t yet understand. Be curious, and loving. Maybe there has been a rupture between you that you hadn’t been aware of - see if you can gently find out, and help with a repair. If you can do this, and avoid taking offence, it’ll make your relationship stronger and better.

My DGC’s ‘other’ granny & grandpa give them money to spend on holiday, and so do we if we’re on holiday with them.

I honestly do think an 8 year old is old enough to understand turning the gift down like that was rude. If I was her mum, I’d want to know why. I can’t imagine any reason an 8 year old wouldn’t wish to accept a gift of money if her siblings were getting it!

She should have said "No, thank you..." not just "I don't want that". Next time they grandkids are there, hand money to all of them but her, and if she reacts say "I thought you didn't want any money from me..." I know she is a child, but she was rude, and manners are important.

I agree, PamQS, that 8 is certainly old enough to know how to behave. Same as I did with dds, Dd has always impressed on Gdcs that you accept any gift graciously, with a thank you, even if it’s something you don’t particularly like or want.

It was the way the gift was rejected that was rude and it's never too soon to learn good manners.

sazz1

Thanks for all your replies. She asked for it the next day but I said no
She's quite spoilt and gets bought everything she asks for as she's an only child. I think she was quite shocked that I said no. Lesson learned there

That's going to go one of two ways

1. One day it will be a hilarious story at family gatherings "And when I realized what £10 was, I asked Granny for it and she said no!"

2. She doesn't have a great relationship with grandma "I was only 8 and when I asked her if I could have my gift she said no and she thought I was spoiled"

My eldest grandson 13 years refused money from me as he says Nanny you need it more than me.

She asked if she could have the gift she'd originally refused back and was told no. The OP hasn't said she told her GD she was spoiled, she was giving that opinion to us, not her GD.

How sweet Vincennes .

Child sounds ungrateful - I have7 grandchildren, 5 live in France I recently gave their mums (my daughters) one has 3 (22,17,12) the middle daughter who doesn’t talk to me has two (21 & 15) I gave them all €20 each.
Only the 12yr old has thanked me!
Children just aren’t taught gratitude or politeness anymore.
Breaks my heart

Putting it another way - quite refreshing she has not been taught to grab even when she has no need! Honestly, it may feel bad, but she is just 8. Not really worth a row.

I have a grandson who is embarrassed when I give him gifts.He didn’t know how to handle it when he was younger,about your gc age.
He now accepts gifts but is always reluctant to take money and asks, are you sure you can afford this?
He has always been aware of the fact that we had to earn the money by working for it, other gc don’t seem to understand or ‘get it’.
Some gc are more aware and thoughtful than others.

She’s only little and still learning. Soon she’ll appreciate the value of £10.
It’s not about you. Children don’t see very much physical money these days.
Just put it in a jar for her. There will be a time when she’ll want something of that value. If she continues to reject subsequent £10, keep placing them in a jar with her name on the jar. She’ll see how £10’s soon mount up.
It goes without saying don’t make this a big issue.
Perhaps her parents were talking of financial matters and she overheard or in school they were talking about some less fortunate. Who knows!
A Granny’s love is unconditional as we here know - particularly when we don’t understand. Good luck ❤️

I think I would have said to DGC something along the lines of 'that's OK but you should say no thank you'. If you didn't say tat then I think your daughter should have done. It's just a matter of good manners.

I think the rude one here is your daughter. An eight year old can be excused, but no excuse for adult leaving it behind without speaking to you first

*Thanks for all your replies. She asked for it the next day but I said no
She's quite spoilt and gets bought everything she asks for as she's an only child. I think she was quite shocked that I said no. Lesson learned there*

What lesson did she learn? That Grandma is judgemental, unforgiving and just wants to punish her for changing her mind?
Why didn’t you ask her why she didn’t want the money? Maybe she’s not used to getting pocket money and being allowed to spend it. Maybe she’s not been taught that if you save your money up, you’ll be able to buy something that you want but can’t afford now. Maybe she’s heard you going on about the cost of living and she thought you needed the money more than she did.

You say your GD is spoilt. That’s not her fault, and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings. She’s 8. I imagine she’s now feeling quite crushed and sad that she’d upset you.

sandelf

Putting it another way - quite refreshing she has not been taught to grab even when she has no need! Honestly, it may feel bad, but she is just 8. Not really worth a row.

Yes. Eight is a funny age, and maybe equivalent to when we were 12 or 13, as they grow up faster. Maybe she'd seen an adult refusing change in the hairdresser or a taxi, saying 'it's ok, I don't want that', and thought it was a grown up thing to do, or maybe all sorts of things.

I agree that it's nice to be appreciated, but there is such a lot of angst over children/young people not being grateful enough, and it's such a shame. Times change, and the things that we were grateful for may be 'everyday' items now, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. As an example, my mum was a child in the war, when sweets were scarce, and an adult who gave her chocolate was a hero. In my day, adults who remembered that thrill always gave us sweets when we saw them, and as we had little pocket money it was very welcome, but probably not as exciting as it was for my mum. By the time my children came along, however, it was normal to put a bag of fun size chocolate bars into the trolley when shopping, plus we only allowed them to have one a day, so visiting adults' offerings were added to the 'sweet drawer' and rationed in the same way. They actually benefited me more than the children, as if the drawer got full I didn't need to buy any more . Of course the children weren't as excited by a bar of chocolate as my mother and her friends would have been. I hope my children always said thank you, but when they are young it can be difficult to feign gratitude.

Chocolate was just an example, but I'm sure it is the same with money, toys and other things. That doesn't mean that the children are 'spoiled', just that they are well provided for, which should be a cause for celebration, not hurt. You can't buy love, and being grateful to someone is not the same as loving them anyway. Sometimes it is a form of control.

She may have heard her parents say that granny thinks that she is spoilt so didn’t want to accept the money.

I would've been a bit miffed too OP, but probably after a moment of thinking laughed it of 😊 Your GC was undoubtedly in a bad mood! Growing up can be só hard ❤️‍🩹

I give money to my two nieces, my two grandchildren and my step grandaughter for birthday and christmas and never ever have they said no I dont want that.

Some of my grand children do this they feel that i need it more shame there wasnt a conversation dont worry about it if i am going to gift some money i make sure they what its for eg helping to have fun at the seaside or say you can do what you want with it even save it or you could save it if you feel they are turning their noses up at it dont offer it anymore it just depends on how it was received i like to open a conversation which is hard these days and i would say " do you not want the money" and ask why i children at that age get stuck at how to describe thoughts on things x" explain that you were confused and wanted to know x good luck

You're not being unrest. I agree with easybee. The child was rude and should have been reprimanded by the mother. I would have shown by displeasure when putting the money in my purse and layer on, in the child's presence spent the money on buying a chocolate or something for myself and not share it.

* not being unreasonable (predictive text Not "unrest"! 🙄) Oh dear - so many typos sorry !