Are table manners important anymore?

It’s the way the cutlery is held and rested while chewing waiting for another mouthful. Cutlery are not writing instruments and therefore should not be held as such. I can’t bear looking at people holding their knives and forks as if they were holding pencils - about to draw something on their plates. Ugh!

I totally agree. Do not like fork in left hand like a first, slurping soup, and eating with mouth open. Yuk. Turns me off a good meal. Manners cost nothing but show everything.

Although I showed my children how to use a knife and fork properly, I do wonder who deemed it as the "proper" way to hold it. Whilst I understand that tearing meat can cause things to fly off the plate so can invade someone else's space, I can't help thinking that holding your knife and fork in a different hand or holding your knife as a pen really doesn't affect anybody else and to insist on someone doing so is rather controlling. The hand we use to hold our knife is based on superstition and a belief that using the left hand was sinful. Surely as a more civilised and enlightened society we should be beyond that.

I do,ingrained I suppose..Take soup from far side of bowl,knife and fork together when you're finished,apart if you're not etc etc.

All manners including table manners are very very important. My parents expected it and I did with my children. My grandchildren are quite well mannered, although struggle to sit still at the table, but children nowadays seem to be unable to sit still.

Manners generally have evolved, table manners included. Dining has become more relaxed, which I love. Not to say that I don’t expect GC to behave nicely at the table, but not with the same old fashioned rules that used to apply.

When my dd brought my now sil home for a meal I was shocked by his table manners and still am!
He shovels large amounts of food in,eats with his mouth open at times,piles his plate up like mount vesuvius and has poured so much gravy on it it spills over the plate!Ive given up on tablecloths when they come round.
Their children are almost as bad, but not quite.
His parents are better so don’t know how come he is sooo bad.
On one occasion my brother and his wife came round for a meal and they sat looking on in horror,and still mention it years on!

I think table manners are very important. I was taught as a child both at home and school how to eat properly and hold cutlery in the correct way. I look back at my primary school with a great deal of affection and feel very blessed to have been there. Lessons in the classroom were important, of course, and taught very well, but this carried over into school dinners. We sat in mixed age groups, eight at a table and there was always a member of staff at the table. There was no choice in what we ate and we were encouraged to try a little bit of everything. We had china plates and bowls with the Norfolk County Council crest on them and proper drinking glasses for our water. We always said grace before we ate (the ubiquitous “for what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful”) and a top junior child would serve the main part of the meal, while two third year juniors served the vegetables. They would clear the plates and then serve the pudding. The teacher would make sure we sat properly at the table and behaved ourselves. This was not the dark ages, it was the early seventies. At home, we had to sit up straight and use the cutlery properly. We were not allowed to get down from the table until we asked. I carried on this way with my own children and it stood me in good stead when my daughter was fifteen months old. We having Sunday dinner with some elderly relatives; people who l knew could be very critical. My daughter sat on a booster seat at the table with her own little plate of food and, using her spoon and fork, ate every scrap in a way that pleased everyone.

We were told, "Always behave at table as if you were in polite company, then you can be entirely relaxed when you do find yourselves in polite company."
Our SiL has pretty horrible table manners, and this hasn't had a good effect on those of the GSS, unfortunately.

Aren't table manners just like any manners, being considerate of others? So no eating with your mouth open, no speaking with food in your mouth. Holding your knife in an unorthodox way? If that's the way that works for the individual does it really matter? Please and thank you are essential tools of politeness. Not causing others to feel uncomfortable must surely be the prime aim of any "manners".

In general no phones or iPads at the table but for some they are an essential part of being able to eat out with family in a restaurant. My grandson has autism with its attendant sensory problems, learning difficulties and adhd. He is perfectly behaved in a restaurant and treats the waiting staff with a great deal more respect than many adults, but he copes better after a while to have his earphones on and play or watch something on a phone or iPad. Does he need to brand himself or wear a big sign to get a dispensation?

Children running around restaurants aren't just a noisy, rude distraction they are a danger to the waiting staff and other diners and do need to be controlled.

If you live in London you encounter such a diverse population of all races and ethnicities that variance in acceptable ways of eating etc becomes second nature. Most people don't intentionally cause offence to other diners.

A friend of mine was interviewing for an office junior a while back. There were two for interview - a young man and young woman. Both had similar qualifications. The secretary had been asked to "break the ice" with the candidates while they waited. The young woman was offhand and insisted upon going out for a smoke, thus making herself late back. The young man sat and chatted to the secretary. He got the job.

The boss said he would not hire anyone who was rude to his staff as it was a small company and everybody needed to get on.

Table manners are not a set of rules set by teachers and parents 50 years ago. Table manners are simply eating in a clean courteous way that does not cause offence or disgust to other people.

How you hold your knife, what item of cutlery you use for any particular food, how you use it, what you do with your table napkin, etc etc have little or nothing to do with it. Do not eat open mouthed so people can see part masticated food, do not spit half chewn food onto your plate, do not put your hands in your food, even less in communal bowls. make sure your children behave themselves, or do not eat out until they can. That is what table manners are - simply thinking of other people and being courteous

What I can’t abide is ....... knives in the left hand for a right handed person,

I'm curious GM, this to me seems inoffensive probably because I am guilty of it!
My mother was left handed and I copied her as we ate when I was a child. It has stuck with me to this day when I am eating.

I fail to see why holding a knife like a pen is offensive. Irritating, maybe inappropriate, but it is not vulgar or rude.

On trains in Europe, in days past, I have seen many people eat
( from a knife ) a piece of cheese or bread or fruit they have just cut. I was taken aback, but it was just part of the culture for travellers at that time.

At table, is it still the right thing to use a knife and fork in the traditional way to eat a risotto or stir fry?
Is it always wrong to eat in the street, even sitting on the prom at the seaside with some chips?

I am all for good manners, at table and everywhere, but am inclined to be less judgemental these days - apart from kids messing about and running round in pubs and restaurants. That is dangerous.

I think manners are important and a life-long asset. It is simply being civilised and considerate. Manners are taught to a child by example. Sadly today many people don't eat together as a family which is where children learn social skills naturally.The same as playing card and board games together develops social and language skills. A child given a phone or Ipad to play with in a restaurant makes me so sad.

Good table manners were part of my upbringing - "please pass the . . . . ", no talking with food in your mouth, no waving your cutlery about, no eating off your knife, no shovelling food with your fork, etc
I find it repulsive to see partially chewed food when someone is speaking, waving a knife around to make a point, stretching across the table instead of asking someone to pass whatever . . . . but I am 73 years old

I think all manners matter including table manners, they're a courtesy to other people. AS others said I also dislike the way some people hold their fork in the fist of their right hand, always looks like they're shovelling in their food.

Table manners vitally important. What is this propensity for holding a table knife like a pen? Seen everywhere on television - even by people who should know better. How on earth can anyone cut a steak like that? Why aren't they being taught properly before going on air? Someone told me that it appeared "posh/refined"!!!! I despair. It is offensive.

Spot on, Happypie. Our children were taught table manners from the word go - and also taught never to remark on anyone else's manners. They have taught their children too, and my DS did comment once he was grateful for having been shown the right way to use cutlery etc. as he had never felt awkward in any situation because he didn't know which item to use. Basically it's all about consideration for others, as watching someone with a mouth like a cement mixer, talking through food, and waving cutlery about is not the best.

I think manners of all types are pretty important. For example, please/thank you/offering to help clear up/eating with your mouth closed/no phones at the dinner table/waiting til others finish before dashing away from the table. Our mealtimes though (other than above) are fairly relaxed, lots of chatting, using just a fork if wanting, only eating what you enjoy, and a chance to catch up with each other.

Table manners are not outdated. There is nothing worse than seeing human beings behaving badly and having no consideration for others present at the table. These simple courtesies set our values in many other areas beyond table etiquette.

Have you posted on the wrong thread?

People have always committed suicide sadly. There were two in my form school in the early seventies. Very strict girls grammar, gloves and hats, no eating/shopping in uniform etc. one girl pre O level and one just after they’d finished. I think that we hear more about it now because of advances in technology, but it’s always been there.

I think all manners are important, I am a great believer in “ Manners maketh the man”. I am very strict about table manners with my DGC as are their parents, this also goes for thank you notes as well.

Manners are still important to me - maybe an age thing! I was brought up quite strictly with regard to table manners in particular, and am horrified at the way people are depicted eating on t.v. - whether fact or fiction. When I eat out I find it unpleasant observing some of the awful (modern)? table/ eating habits.